


Lying I thru VI (including alternate versions)

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 21:38:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 60,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11343636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Alex goes to see Mulder.  Oh, the games people play.





	Lying I thru VI (including alternate versions)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Lying by Frankie

Disclaimer: They are not mine. That proud distinction belongs to CC, FOX, and 1013. The song snip belongs to Sam Phillips and Virgin Records.  
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex, language, and a wee bit of violence.  
Spoilers: None.   
Summary: Alex goes to see Mulder. Oh, the games people play.  
Author's Note: Muchas smooches to Sue for her master-beta work and encouragement. Thanks, also, to Row for taking the time to look this puppy over. Any remaining screw-ups are mine.  
Feedback: I won't beg, but I will bribe.....anyone like tira misu? , it anywhere, I'll get it.

* * *

Lying  
by Frankie

******  
If I said I could leave you now  
And go where I could forget  
I'd be lying  
******* 

I'd be having a pretty decent day if it weren't for the gun I suddenly found jammed in my face. The guy holding it looked like he hadn't slept in days and his hand shook as he pointed the weapon at me. I was willing to bet the damn thing wasn't even loaded.

"You really don't want to do that." I tried to sound like I was giving the guy a way out before he really pissed me off.

"Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?" Stupid punk. He didn't know who he was dealing with.

Before he could react, I had my gun pointed at his ribs. "I could pull the trigger, you sack of shit."

"What makes you think you could do it before I pulled my trigger?"

I thought about that. Then I shot him, putting him out of my misery. The look on his face was priceless. I would never get used to the look of stupid shock that people wore on their faces when they suddenly realize that their insides are mush and they're dead.

I pushed him away from me and looked at the blood on my shirt. Dammit, I had the highest dry cleaning bills in the world. Good thing I also had the most understanding and least law abiding dry cleaner in the world. I always found it amazing what kind of silence a person could buy with a really big tip.

I put my gun in the back of my jeans and thought about heading to Mulder's. I knew he'd be expecting me. It didn't matter that I only showed up when I felt like it. He'd always be waiting for me because I was the only one who made him feel good. I knew it and he knew it, but he'd never admit it to me. I also knew he fucked a lot of guys, most of them young, starry-eyed recruits at the FBI who kissed the goddamn ground he walked on, but when we got together I was the one in control. He liked to just let go and used his animosity for me as an excuse to allow himself to do that. If I broke into his apartment, held him at gunpoint, and fucked him senseless, he couldn't be expected to fight back, could he? Nevermind that I usually left my gun on his coffee table unless I could tell he wanted me to threaten him with it. Or the fact that when he saw me, he usually grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, kissing me like I gave him life, grinding his cock against mine....I had to see him. It had been too long and the ache in my groin reminded me of that fact with every passing second. 

I knew I didn't need to pick the lock because it was unlocked, waiting for me to walk through it. I still made the pretense of breaking in so he'd know it was me. When I figured I'd jiggled the doorknob enough, I slowly opened the door. This was when he would grab me and slam me up against the wall.

Nothing. 

Instead he was sitting on his couch watching a fuck film. I cleared my throat. He didn't look up.

"Krycek." Well, he obviously knew I was here.

"Mulder. I expected you to be a little happier to see me." 

"I'm not in the mood tonight."

I laughed. Mulder was always in the mood. "Yeah, and I'm the fucking tooth fairy."

"Krycek, just get the hell out of my apartment before I throw you out."

In a flash I had covered the distance between the door and the couch. I knelt on the couch, grabbed his hair and pulled his head back until he was looking me in the eye, his exposed throat taunting me. I licked my lips and fought the urge to do the same to that smooth, tan skin.

"What the fuck did you say?"

His eyes locked onto mine, filled with lustful defiance. "You heard me, you double-crossing son of a bitch." He was breathing quickly. This was getting him excited. *Mulder, you son of a bitch, you're doing this on purpose. Okay, I can play along.*

"Yeah, well that's too fucking bad, Mulder. I don't plan on going anywhere until I've gotten what I want from you." I lowered my head with the intent of kissing him hard enough to show him just who was in charge. Instead, I kissed him softer than I meant to, forgetting my part in this for just a moment. When I pulled back, I imagined I saw something in his eyes that I knew wasn't there. I shook it off and roughly grabbed the remote from his hands, turning off the television, then throwing it back at him. He flinched just a little bit, making me smile.

I released his hair and stood up to take off my jacket. Mulder eyed the bloodstain on my shirt, knowing better than to ask any questions about its source.

"I said I want you to leave."

I slapped him. He expected it. "You shut up, Mulder. I told you I'm going to take what I want." 

He just stared up at me. Those eyes were filled with lust and need. His lips shone with the moisture he placed there with a flick of his tongue. I imagined that tongue on my cock and moaned. 

"Mulder, you're the only man I know who could make me come just by looking at me."

"Good, then I don't have to touch you."

Even though I knew he was shitting me, that pissed me off. The glint in his eye told me he knew it would. I grabbed the front of his shirt and lifted him off the couch. Without a word I dragged him into the bedroom and threw him down on the bed. He landed on his back and I could see his erect cock outlined by his sweatpants.

"Nice, Mulder. Way to act turned off."

"Fuck you, Krycek."

"Not tonight. Tonight it's all you. I'm going to fuck you until you can't stand, babe."

"Don't call me 'babe'." 

I grinned. "I'll call you whatever the fuck I want, *babe*."

I took off my shirt slowly and made a show of draping it across the back of the chair in Mulder's room. I started to unbutton my jeans and decided I wanted Mulder to finish undressing me.

"Come here."

He didn't move. I took out my gun and pointed it at him. "Come here."

He stood up and walked to me. "Undress me."

He got to his knees and started unlacing my boots. He removed them and ran a hand over my feet. I slapped him.

"I didn't tell you to touch anything else."

He got up on his knees and unzipped my jeans, carefully. Working them down over my hips, he pushed them down my legs, helping me step out of them.

"Now take off your clothes."

He stood up and took off his t-shirt and sweatpants. His cock sprung free, the head red and wet. I wanted more than anything to drop to my knees in front of him and take it into my hungry mouth. I needed to suck him, taste him, consume him, but I couldn't. He didn't want that.

I fixed him with my steeliest gaze. "Suck me."

He got onto his knees again and licked the tip of my cock. I inhaled sharply. When he took the head into his mouth I thought I was going to lose it right there but I controlled myself. He ran his hot, velvety tongue over the slit and sucked the whole thing into that luscious mouth. How many times had I watched that mouth, those lips, when we were partners, and imagined their heat on me? Too many to mention, but it was all real now. Every fantasy I'd ever had about the man on his knees in front of me had come true a hundred times. I could only imagine that I'd fulfilled some of his too. Neither of us would ever admit it to the other though. 

His mouth was magic, warm and soft. The look on his face as he sucked me was making me want to shoot my load down his throat. He moved his hand and started playing with my balls. I groaned and felt him laugh. God, I was going to lose it, if I let him keep going. When he removed his mouth from my cock and started licking my balls I pushed him away. 

"'That's enough." My voice was shakier than I wanted it to be. I wanted him so badly, but couldn't let him know that.

He smiled at me and stood up. I put away the gun I didn't really need, and looked through my jeans pockets for some lube.

"Get on the bed."

He stood his ground and smirked at me while he stroked his erection. I used every ounce of will power I had to stop from reaching out for him. I couldn't show any need. 

"Aren't you going to return the favor?" The light caught his eye and flashed something I could almost imagine was affection. I needed to get my damn eyes checked. I knew he hated me, but he needed me too. It was the exact same way I felt about him. Fucker.

"I don't do that shit." As much as I wanted to. "Don't act like you don't know it."

He didn't move. Fine. If that was the way he wanted to play it, I'd give him what he wanted. I grabbed his arm and turned him around, forcing him onto his knees next to the bed. I shoved him facedown onto the mattress and knelt beside him. Running my hand over his ass, I whispered in his ear. 

"I've always liked your ass, Mulder. It feels so good when I'm inside you. Hot and tight." He trembled.

I spread his legs and squirted some lube onto my shaking fingers, glad he couldn't see the effect he had on me. I always had the same reaction when I was this close to him, but I'd be damned if I'd ever let him know. I roughly thrust a finger into his tight opening making him buck under my hand. Holding him down with my other hand and continuing the assault on his ass, I slowly moved my finger in a circle and pushed it deeper. He gasped when I touched his prostate and started to push against my finger. I took it out, then carefully put two fingers in him. I fucked him with my hand until he begged me to stick my dick in him. The man was so damn easy to control.

I squeezed out more lube and slicked up my aching cock. I didn't know if I'd make it all the way inside before I came. I put the tip to his opening and without warning plunged all the way in. He groaned, almost sending me over the edge with the sound alone, and fought against the sudden feeling of being full. Then he eased into it and relaxed, letting me fill him. 

"You love this, don't you, Mulder?" My voice was shaking but at least I was capable of speech. All I got in return from him was an incoherent grunt. That was just the way I liked him. Something in me wanted to believe he knew that and was trying to please me. *Keep dreaming, Alex*

I slowly started to pump in and out of his ass, pulling almost all the way out then thrusting back in hard the way I knew he liked it. I reached around him and grabbed his cock, pumping it in time with the rhythm I'd established. All too soon, I felt him tense and he came all over my hand. Damn, it had been longer since I'd last seen him than I thought.

The feeling of his insides spasming and clenching around my cock was too much and I came, screaming, spurting my cum into him, filling him with everything I had. I collapsed on top of him, both of us breathing heavily. I softly kissed and sucked his ear. 

His voice was a whisper. "Can you stay?"

He always asked me the same fucking question as if he expected a different reply each time. I don't know why we always did this dance. Why the hell was he acting like he wanted me with him? I knew better.

"Fox, you know I can't." I always used his first name after I fucked him. I didn't really give a shit what I called him, but it seemed to make him feel good, almost as if there were more to us than there really was. Besides, if he felt good then I could always keep coming back. It was so much easier to see him if I thought of him as another lay. That's all he was after all.

He lifted his head and looked at my shirt hanging off the back of the chair.

"Who was it this time?" His voice was nonchalant. I was no freaking Boy Scout, but our man Mulder wasn't that far behind me. Since we'd been....together, I guess.....he'd managed to get really good at looking the other way when it came to what I did with my free time.

"Just some stupid ass mugger. The motherfucker didn't know what hit him." 

"Mmm." He dragged himself up onto the bed to lie down. His eyelids were heavy and he forced himself to keep them open. "Well, just don't forget to get that shirt out of here. I've got enough problems without you bringing evidence of a homicide to my apartment."

We had this same goddamn discussion every time I came over. I leaned over and kissed him hard, savoring his slight resistance. He started to wake up. Reluctantly, I pulled back. He stared at me. I'd have to get going soon.

"Don't worry about it." I looked at his beautiful face, trying damn hard not to get lost in the eyes which were still staring at me. Before any more sentimental shit crossed my mind, I got up and dressed.

He didn't say a word, just watched me as I checked to make sure there was no sign I'd ever been there.

"Are you coming back?" The question was another I was used to hearing but would never understand. I never asked him why he asked me these questions though. I figured he was just fucking with my head, trying to make me want him so he could turn around and laugh in my face. I could never tell him that I needed to be here more than he knew, so I always made it seem as if I didn't give a shit.

"We'll see." I looked at him and fought the familiar urge to join him on the bed. This shit only happened once I was with him. It was easier for me to think of him as another notch on my bedpost when he wasn't looking at me. I had to get out of there.

"Okay." I imagined I heard a sigh. Damn, now I had to get my hearing checked.

"If I don't, you've always got those young pieces of ass prancing around the office just waiting for your call."

He laughed. Against my will, I enjoyed the sound.

"Yeah, my groupies." He sat up. "You know they don't mean anything."

I smirked even as my heart jumped. "Like I give a shit. It's all a game, Mulder. I don't give a rat's ass about you--" He chuckled at my choice of words and I rolled my eyes "---and you couldn't care less about me."

"You're right." Flopping back against the pillows, he closed his eyes, confirming everything I already knew. "Lock the door on your way out, okay?" He didn't give a shit. Neither did I. 

I went into the living room and got my jacket. Opening the front door, I looked around the apartment, knowing I'd be back. All I had to do was convince myself, again, that I didn't give a damn. I guess I wouldn't be back anytime soon.

===end===

 

* * *

 

Disclaimer: I'm not their pimp. CC, 1013, and FOX are the only ones making money off these guys. Lyrics belong to Sam Phillips and Virgin Records.  
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex, language, and a spot of blood.  
Pairing: M/K   
Spoilers: None. It's almost AU...two arms, RatB hair...BTW, what's canon? ;)  
Summary: Sequel to "Lying". Mulder does some thinking and comes to a decision.  
Note: Thank you to Sue (QOTFU), Row, and Fleur for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are mine.  
Feedback: I would love it, good, bad or indifferent! Please! I have no pride, I can beg! 

* * *

Lying II: Private Storm  
by Frankie

********  
Afraid that our words bring clouds we talk in code  
The thunder of cruel perfection covers love  
And we're cold  
The private storm  
And our souls are worn from the tears  
********

If I have to hear Kathie Lee Gifford sing one more Christmas song, I am going to shoot my TV. As the band begins to play "The Little Drummer Boy," and Kathie Lee opens her mouth, I aim my remote and kill the damn thing.

I throw the remote on the couch next to me and watch it bounce off the cushion and land on the floor. Judging by the unhealthy cracking sound, I need to buy a new one. Maybe Scully will give me one for Christmas if I ask her nicely. She's been worried about me since he...for the last few months. She doesn't know about him, but my behavior had changed enough for her to comment on it. When she first asked me what was wrong, I told her I was having some trouble with a relationship. I can't decide if I was more relieved to say it without laughing at the absurdity of the label, or without crying at my pathetic attempt to label it as anything at all.

Sighing, I stand up and stretch, grimacing at the popping sounds I hear in my back. I walk over to the window and look out at the streets, now covered with snow. Cars and strangers have marred it, turning it into a sloppy, defiled mess. It's starting to snow again, laying down a fresh blanket of snow for me to search for footprints. Footprints that lead to the entrance of my building. 

"Dammit, do you realize how many people are walking around out there? Give it up, boy!"

I surprise myself by saying that out loud, then laugh, bitterly, at the fucked-up situation I've allowed myself to get into. Here I am, Special Goddamn Agent Fox Mulder, desired by millions, well, maybe dozens...okay, so there're a couple of new guys at work I've noticed giving me the eye...Hell, even Scully's tossed a glance or two my way. Anyway, here I am, pining away for Alex Krycek, a man who, by all rights, should be in prison along with all the other scum I help to rid the world of, but I...want him. 

His frequent visits have never been just about sex for me, but something tells me that he's just out for himself when he comes here. I'd like to believe that weren't the case, but he's never given me any indication to the contrary. The last time he came by, I decided to act as if I didn't care to see if he would just tell me to go fuck myself, then turn around and leave. It gave me some hope when he didn't go right away, but when I asked him to stay, he didn't. I always ask him to stay and he always says he can't, but I know one day he will. All of this is assuming I get another chance to ask him. This is the longest he's gone without seeing me and I'm wondering if my feigned disinterest last time worked too well. 

I don't want to think about what I'll do if I never see him again. He has to come back so I can cut past the shit and tell him how I feel. Consider it my pre-New Year's resolution to let the shady character in my life know how I really feel about him. How I can't think straight when he looks at me or stop my heart from pounding at the sound of his voice. The way I need to save him from himself before he goes too far, before he loses who he is to whatever forces are directing his life... We've been playing this game too long and it's time to change the rules. I figure the worst thing that could happen is he kills me. No, the worst thing that could happen is he laughs in my face, tells me what a fucking idiot I am, then he kills me. Of course, by then I'd welcome the bullet to my head.

I shake my head in a vain attempt to rid myself of the sudden self-pity I'm drowning in. How the hell did I get to be so maudlin? Seems my little jog down memory lane is mixing with the hopelessness and melancholy the holiday season always instills in me. Not a good combination.

He's not coming back.

Logically, I know that he's the last person I should feel this way about. I know he's hurt people, killed people, been ordered to do things no one should have to do, but I think, in some bizarre way, that's why I lo...care about him. He's a victim of his circumstances with no way out. He's a damaged soul who needs someone to make him whole and, it just so happens, I want someone to need me. I want *him* to need me. We're a perfect match. I laugh again, imagining the look on Scully's face if I ever told her any of this. Hey, Scully, guess who your partner's got it bad for? Give up? Alex "ye olde nemesis" Krycek...Alex "how the fuck can those eyes not be registered weapons" Krycek... 

"Alex..." I sigh and close my eyes. The way his name feels sliding from my tongue sends a painful jolt to my groin...by way of my heart. I quickly open my eyes. How can he be getting to me like this? Why now? I take that back. The little fuck's been getting to me since the first day I saw him, all wide-eyed innocence and bad suits. He's beyond getting to me...he's had me for a long time. 

I'm distracted by the sounds of footsteps outside my door, and when I look, I can see a shadow under the door, flittering back and forth. My pulse quickens and my palms start to sweat, making me feel like a nervous teenager about to pick up his prom date. Not only is it disconcerting, but it's also strangely invigorating. He came back to me! It's been almost three months since he left, but he's back. I cross my living room and wait by the door, ready for the moment he opens it and walks back into my life; the moment I can touch him again. I jump a little at the unexpected knock. He's never done that before. Before I can think about it too much, I fling the door open and--

"Good evening, sir. We're collecting for the Little Sisters of Mercy charity. Would you be interested in perhaps making a donation?"

I stare, open mouthed, at the man and woman standing in front of me. Jamming my hand into my jeans pocket, I pull out the first bill I find and shove it into their collection can. I have no idea what it is and don't care, I just need to close the door.

"Thank you, s--"

I don't mean to slam the door, but I can feel the disappointment rising like bile in my throat. I need to get the hell out of here. Grabbing my jacket, I head out the door, ignoring the looks of the strangers in the hallway. I have to be anywhere, just not here.

The icy wind bites my face the moment I step out the front door to my building. Since I'm only wearing a T-shirt, I'm grateful for my heavy, leather jacket, so much like his. 

Shit.

I need to find a bar, fast. My legs move quickly and I feel as if I'm running from something, someone.

"Fuck him," I say, perhaps a little louder than I should have. I pass an old lady who glances at me, nervously.

The bar is crowded, smoky, and loud. Perfect. I fight my way through the mass of bodies, which I suddenly notice are all decidedly male. Without meaning to, I've managed to find myself in a place he would frequent. There's no getting away from him. I order a double bourbon, trying not to notice the stares of the man standing next to me.

"Excuse me?"

Maybe if I ignore him, he'll go away.

"Um, I don't usually come to places like this, so I don't know if--"

"Listen, I don't want any company--" I turn to him and stop midsentence. God, he could be Alex's brother. He's a few inches shorter and not as filled out, but the dark, silky hair, sultry mouth, the turned up nose. His voice is different, timid, and his eyes are...the eyes are too soft. I can't think of what else I want to say to him, this almost identical twin of the man I could love. I don't know whether or not to take this as a sign that someone up there is fucking with me, or as a happy coincidence. Either way, I'm having a really hard time getting him out of my mind.

He looks down at his drink. "Okay, that's fine. Sorry I bothered you."

I reach out a hand to touch his arm.

"It's okay. I'm just...I used to be involved with someone and I only came here to try and--"

"Forget?"

I nod and down my drink in one swallow, then look at the man next to me. "I guess it's not gonna work." I throw some money on the bar and leave. ****

Before I open the door to my apartment, I check for any sign of forced entry, even though I know he could get in and I'd never know. He's done it so many times before. I make more noise than usual with my key, just in case, then smile when I realize it's what he does when he comes to see.....when he used to come to see me. The shot I had has helped me see things clearly and come to the conclusion that I'm not going to see him again. Hey, I said it and it didn't kill me. It just feels like it.

I walk through the open door and feel a stab of regret at seeing that my apartment is just as I left it. What was I hoping for? A naked Krycek on my couch with a sprig of mistletoe tied around his waist? I slip my jacket off my shoulders and throw it across a chair before I turn to close the door.

"Alex..." Oh god, I was hallucinating.

The vision in leather and denim, standing before me, speaks. I don't hear what it says.

"What?" I'm stunned.

"I said, where were you?"

Before I can answer, I feel myself being shoved backwards and I'm on the floor, looking up at the man who wouldn't let me go through a single day without his intruding on my thoughts. Bastard.

"What's the matter, Mulder? Getting soft?" 

The sneer on his face and the harshness in his voice are mocking me. I know he expects me to do or say something, but I can't think of what. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. He slams the door shut behind him. I watch him as he takes off his gloves, then his jacket, placing it next to mine. He looks so good, his hair's a little shorter, but his face looks so tired. 

"Mulder, what's wrong with you?" I think I hear a hint of concern in his voice as he rolls up the sleeves of his sweater, revealing the well defined veins of his forearms. God, those arms have always turned me on. Hell, even his shitty ties could turn me on simply because they were around that smooth neck...

He nudges my foot with his boot.

"C'mon, Mulder. You're starting to piss me off."

I hear his words, but there's no anger behind them.

"Alex, I --"

A heart wrenching grin and he crouches down next to me.

"Mulder, are you drunk?" He leans in to sniff my breath, his face, inches from mine. I move my head forward and gently bring our lips together, lingering for just a moment. His head jerks back and I realize he's not accustomed to the gentleness of what I've just done. 

A hand comes up to his lips and he brushes his fingers lightly over them. "Yeah, you're drunk, Mulder." His voice is softer, more wary and the startlingly green eyes search mine for a hint as to what's going on.

I finally find my voice. "I've been waiting for you to --Where've you been?"

One last search of my eyes and he stands up, his face a mask again. "Why the fuck do you care? You're not my keeper, now get up." Since he asked me the same question before, I wonder if he considers himself to be mine.

I don't move. A grunt and he grabs the front of my shirt and pulls me to my feet. I don't resist. I'm tired of resisting. I just want it to all be over.

"Alex," I begin.

He slams me up against the wall.

"Why the fuck do you keep calling me that?" I almost tell him it's because that's his name, but his voice sounds high and panicked, almost as if he were afraid of something. I'd never heard him like this before.

I decide that now is the time and that I have nothing to lose. Too many times I've heard the door closing behind him, as he leaves without giving me a second thought. This time, when he leaves me, I want it to be with the knowledge of how I really feel. He won't care and he'll more than likely laugh in my face, but I have to let him know. I hold my breath for a moment and feel my heart threatening to burst out of my chest.

I search his face for one last sign that he feels anything for me, but all I see is the stony facade he's worn for as long as we've been lovers. I decide to say it before I completely lose my nerve. 

"I..Alex, I...love you." My voice catches. He doesn't say anything and I wonder if he's even heard what I said. I raise a hand to touch the side of his face.

He grabs my wrist, squeezing it, painfully.

"I don't know what the fuck you're trying to do, but I'm not going to let you mess with my head. I know you're drunk."

I shake my head and curse that damned shot. "I'm not drunk, Alex. I went to a bar to try and forget about you, but I left after one drink."

His eyes are searching my face for any sign of my intent. I reveal everything to him, but he doesn't see it. 

"Mulder..." He sighs and loosens the grip he has on my wrist, but doesn't let go. The expression on his face doesn't waver for a second.

"You don't believe me?"

He swallows, then a smile spreads across his face somehow managing to bypass his eyes, leaving them cold and hard.

"Oh, sure I believe you, Mulder." His voice is rough and sarcastic, but shaking slightly. "Is this your way of telling me you want to cuddle tonight?"

I don't say anything, just take his face in my hands and pull him toward me. He doesn't resist as my lips press against his, easing them apart, my tongue tasting the anger in that hard mouth. He pushes himself against me, deepening the kiss and I moan into his mouth as his groin makes contact with mine, sending shivers throughout my body. It's been so long and I need him more than I thought I could ever need another human being. That scares me. I pull back and see the familiar veil of lust covering the coldness in his eyes and am relieved. Leaning forward again, I feel his hot breath on my lips before I slowly trace his bottom lip with my tongue, sliding it to the corner of his mouth where I place a soft kiss. I feel him tense at the display of unfamiliar affection.

"Alex," I whisper against his cheek, "let me love you."

I don't know what I expect him to do.

"Dammit, Mulder. Why now?" His voice is so quiet, I'm not sure I hear him correctly. 

"I've felt this way for a long time. I couldn't tell you until now."

He doesn't say or do anything and I wonder if time has stopped. I almost hope it has so I can stay like this with him. I'm afraid to break the silence, so I start to slowly stroke his hair and rub his back.

He finally whispers something I can barely make out. "I can't do this."

"Why not?" I keep my voice low too, afraid to frighten him if I speak above a whisper.

"This isn't going to work, Mulder. I don't know why you're trying to change the way we do things." He leans back a little to look at me, his eyes still refusing to give up anything.

"It can work. Just give it a chance. We shouldn't be afraid to change things."

His eyes flicker for a second and then a sardonic grin crosses his face. "Oh, I get it." He backs away from me, still smiling, but his eyes are full of something else. It's not quite anger, and if I didn't know better, I'd say it was almost...sadness. All too quickly, the light is shut out and his eyes go dark.

"Get what? What's wrong?" I thought we'd been making progress. 

"It's just something new, huh, Mulder?" The sneer remains intact.

"Someth--" I realize what he's saying. "No, Alex. I do care about you. What I meant was--"

"I know what the fuck you meant!" He spits the words at me as he starts prowling back and forth like a caged animal. Running a hand through his hair, he mutters to himself.

"Will you tell me what you're thinking?" I put out a hand to stop his movement, but he slaps it away. "Alex, let me in....please."

He stops in front of me and leans forward. "You can stop with all the damn sweet talk bullshit. I get it."

"Get what?"

"The last time I came over, you acted like you wanted nothing to do with me. This time, you're acting like you're in love with me. I get it. But it's not funny anymore."

He doesn't believe me. I'm finally telling him the truth and he thinks it's just another game I'm playing before we fuck. I smile at the irony.

"It is funny, Alex." The look on his face questions my statement. "It's funny because it's true."

I don't expect the slap and its sting lingers long after Alex's hand returns to his side.

"I thought I fucking told you to stop it." He snarls through clenched teeth, his eyes boring into mine. "The next one's not going to feel as good."

Brilliant student of psychology that I am, I realize his reaction is more than just a product of his annoyance at the fact that I won't do what he tells me. 

Risking another slap, I ask him a question I need to know the answer to. "What are you afraid of, Alex?"

"I'm not afraid of anything."

I lick my lips and go for it. "I think you're afraid of your feelings for me."

His punch lands hard, knocking me down. I taste copper and salt and when I touch my fingers to my mouth, they come back covered with blood. My head is still spinning as I feel myself being lifted to my feet. He pulls me to him by the collar of my shirt, and I can feel his hot breath burning my cut lip as he speaks.

"I don't have any feelings for you, or anyone else, do you understand?"

I nod, my head starting to clear a little. "L-Let me go clean up."

He lets me go, with a shove. "I'm getting a drink." I watch him walk into the kitchen and start looking through the cupboards.

Walking to the bathroom, I touch my lip again and wince a little at the pain. I look in the mirror and see that the cut isn't bad. He could have done more damage if he wanted to, I know, but it still hurts like a motherfucker. I dab a wet washcloth to my lip and clean off the blood. There has to be a way to get through to him without getting hurt anymore. 

*****

He doesn't see me walk out of the bedroom, as he's still in the kitchen, his back to me. He found my bottle of Jose Cuervo and is downing a shot as I walk up behind him and put my arms around his waist, startling him.

"Dammit, Mulder!" he sputters, almost choking on the liquor.

"Turn around, Krycek."

When he faces me, I can smell the tequila on his breath and from the look in his eyes, he's managed to down a few in the short time I was gone.

"Mulder--"

Before he can say anything I push him against the counter, kissing him hard, ignoring the sting of my cut lip. I look at the glazed expression in his eyes at my unexpected advance and pull his sweater up over his head and down his arms, binding them to his sides. With his arms disabled, I begin kissing and licking his chest, gently sucking on one nipple, then turning my attention to the other. The sounds he makes as I continue tasting his skin make me smile and I move up slowly to his throat where I savor the combination of his cologne and sweat. I want to tell him I love him, but hold off for fear of making him angry. It's not any physical repercussions I'm afraid of, but the fact that he may leave me before I have the chance to be with him one more time. As I place soft kisses along his jaw to his ear, I start stroking his erection through his jeans. He moans as he thrusts his hips forward, seeking more contact. The sound magnifies the ache I'm already feeling in my groin. God, I need him. It's been too long.

"Let's go into the bedroom," I whisper into his ear.

I start to walk backwards and he pushes me towards the bedroom, as he finishes taking off his sweater.

"I'm glad to see you're back to your old self, Mulder," he says, pulling me to him once we're in the bedroom.

"Not quite," I say, quickly turning him around and pushing him face down on the bed. 

"Mulder, I can't believe you're taking the lead for once." I hear laughter and surprise in his voice.

"Oh," I grin, "I'm gonna do more than that." I pull his arms behind his back and take out the cuffs I have in my back pocket. Without a word, I fasten the bracelets around his wrists.

I remove the gun I know he always carries and pat him down, looking for any other weapons. 

"What the hell is this?" I don't need to see his face to know he's pissed and, perhaps there's some residual fear that I may be arresting him for the things I know he's done.

"Just a little twist in our relationship, Krycek." I reassure him and feel his relief. "Think of it as an experiment." I help him turn over onto his back and move up the bed until he's sitting up, leaning against the headboard.

"Mulder, my arms are going to fall asleep."

I lean down and kiss his ear, grabbing his cock through his jeans. "That'll be about all that falls asleep, tonight."

"Mmm, Mulder, you really should know by now, you don't have to do all this just to cop a feel." His words slur a little, but his eyes no longer show any effects of the alcohol.

I bite the inside of my cheek so I won't smile. Even though it's obvious he's being a smartass, he sounds so serious. It reminds me a little of when we were partners and he would tell one of his lame jokes and not crack a smile. My heart aches at the thought of our days together, working side by side, the adoring looks I'd catch him throwing my way, the desire I felt every time he walked into the bullpen. I wonder if he ever thinks about the days when we were allies and not the twisted wreck of two souls we'd become. I can't even remember how we came to be the way we are now.

Shaking off the reminiscences, I turn my attention back to the man on my bed. "Oh, I want a hell of a lot more from you, Alex."

When I say his name, I see a glimmer of his earlier anger resurfacing. He watches me as I sit on the bed next to him and put my hand on his stomach. The muscles ripple at the contact, almost as if he has been burned.

"You need to relax and listen to me."

"I can listen better when my arms aren't cuffed behind my back." His voice is tired, resigned. It's almost as if he thinks I expect him to say that.

"It's a precaution," I say, standing up and taking off my T-shirt. I notice the way his eyes roam over my body and realize it's the same way I look at him when I think he can't see me admiring him. The burning in his eyes as he looks up at me, sends heat straight to my cock.

"Precaution for what?" he asks, shifting a bit on the bed, trying to release some of the pressure on his arms.

"I don't want to risk another punch." I start to unbutton my jeans. His eyes lock onto the movement of my fingers as they undo each button, stopping before the last one. I sit down again even though I'd like nothing more than to take out my cock and feel his mouth on me. He has never given me a blow job; says he doesn't do that shit. That's something else I hope will change tonight.

"Mulder, it's customary for one to take off one's clothes when stripping for a handcuffed captive."

"You're not my captive. You're legs are free, you're not tied to anything." I don't know why I've decided to point out the obvious to him, since he's very aware of his situation.

"Oh, yeah, so I'm supposed to leave like this in the middle of winter." He indicates his state of undress.

"Hey, I never said you'd want to leave, just that you could."

He lets out a frustrated sigh. "Fine. I'm staying. Now what?"

I move onto the bed to straddle his lap, running my hands down his smooth chest to the waistband of his jeans. I stare into his eyes as I start to undo them, sliding the zipper down. He hisses as I put my hand inside his boxers and hold his erect cock, slowly stroking him and leaning in to kiss him softly.

"Mulder," he sighs and returns the kiss, parting his lips and dipping his tongue into my mouth. The taste of him makes me forget what I wanted to say to him. All I'm aware of is his heat in my hand and the softness of his mouth.

He starts to move his hips towards my touch and I break our kiss, still stroking his growing erection.

"Alex, I know you don't think I'm telling you the truth when I say how I feel about you..."

He starts to speak, but I cut him off by putting a finger to his lips. Surprisingly, that's enough to stop him. 

I continue talking as my hand slides up and down his shaft. "I need to make you believe me and you need to listen to me without getting angry and lashing out." 

He closes his eyes. "I'm...listening..." I know it's not fair to talk to him like this, but if it's the best way get his attention...

"I can't keep seeing you and having you leave me without a word, without you knowing how I feel and what it does to me each time you go. I know you don't feel the same way about me, and I can't do anything to force you to love me back. I wouldn't want to force you if you didn't mean it anyway." I realize I'm rambling, but have lost any care I may have had. It's almost as if I'm confessing to him every thought I've had during the course of our relationship.

He gives no indication about what he's thinking, only a slight groan, so I continue, feeling safe for the moment. 

"I know you only come to see me because it makes you feel good to fuck the guy you've screwed over in so many other ways. I also know you think that I don't care about you and that it's all about the sex. It's not and it never has been." I release him and his eyes open.

"Why did you stop?" His voice is full of need with a hint of anger.

"I need to make sure you hear this." 

"I said I was listening. Come on, Mulder. Finish what you started."

I smile and run a hand through his hair, then caress his face.

"Just listen. It's not going to kill you if I make you wait a little bit." I wonder if I'm keeping him on the edge so he will react the way I want him to after I've told him everything. I'm willing to delude myself for the chance to have one perfect night with him.

"I can see past the bullshit, Alex. I can see that you're not what you do and that you need someone who will look beyond your circumstances and into your soul." I feel myself cringe at my choice of words. I expect him to laugh and tell me I'm making a complete ass of myself. He's quiet, though, and I imagine I see a vague hint of interest flicker across his face. It encourages me to go on.

"Why do you think I've ignored so much of the evidence of the crimes you've committed? It's not because I've decided to stop doing my job when I'm with you. It's because, in some sick way, I want to protect you. You won't believe how easy it is to just look the other way when you're involved." He raises his eyebrows at this last statement, but reveals nothing else. Again, I'm not surprised.

"No matter how hard I try, I cannot get you out of my system and after you leave me again, I won't ever be rid of you." I don't look at him again. Instead, I look at my hands and smile.

"My half-assed plan was to keep you here until you saw things my way, but that defeats the whole purpose of my wanting you to care for me because you really do and not because I'm forcing you."

I get off the bed to stand up and dig the handcuff key out of my front pocket.

"I'm going to uncuff you so you can finish what I started, then go. I only want you to stay if you want me. If you go, I don't want you to come back." I swallow the lump in my throat and defy my voice to give away anything I'm feeling. I fail miserably. 

I look into his eyes, wishing he'd say something, anything, to break the awkward silence. I almost wish he'd get angry with me for being a tease, and make an attempt to hit me again. This silence is so much worse than not knowing where I stand.

"Can you promise me you'll just leave without a lot of macho bullshit? You've made me bleed already, so can you just leave without hurting me?" I almost add the word "physically" but decide it's pointless since it's not really what I mean. There's nothing more I can say. 

To my surprise, he nods slowly. I expect him to laugh at me, but at this point I don't give a shit. Telling him everything that's been running through my head has exhausted me and I can't fight anymore. I bend down to undo the cuffs and take them off. He stretches his fingers and rubs his wrists, not looking at me as I turn to go into the living room. I stop when I feel his hand on my wrist. Maybe I should have known he wouldn't keep his promise to just leave without incident.

"I don't...I don't want to go." I almost don't recognize his voice. I've never heard him speak so softly or sound so...vulnerable.

I look at him and my heart jumps at what his eyes reveal. I cannot believe what I see there. For the first time, I'm sure of what he's feeling for me. I sit down and almost jump as his hand comes up to touch the side of my face. His skin is warm and he gently runs a finger over the cut on my lip.

"I'm so sorry...for everything...I've done." I know he's not just apologizing to me but to whoever else he's hurt.

I place my hand over his and close my eyes. If I'm dreaming I hope I never wake up. I smile at the cliche, amazed at how safe I suddenly feel with this man.

He moves his hand to the back of my head and pulls me to him. His kiss is warm and sweet and tentative. It's unlike anything I've felt from him before, almost as if he's kissing me for the first time, afraid to hurt me further. It's so different from the hard, angry, kisses I'm used to and my body reacts with much more need than it has in the past. When his lips break contact with mine, I groan at the loss of heat.

"Do you mean everything you said?" His question surprises me. I didn't think he'd still have doubts. I nod. This time he's the one searching my face for any signs to indicate what I'm feeling.

"I love you," I say, just in case there's any lingering doubt.

He leans forward and touches his forehead to mine. "Thank you," he whispers. Another kiss and I feel myself being pushed down onto my back as he slowly moves down my body to remove the rest of my clothes, carefully sliding my jeans down my legs along with my boxers. I feel my erection twitch at the anticipation of his touch. Before he makes a move toward me, he finishes undressing himself and returns to join me on the bed. His cock is hard and perfect, and I desperately want him to fuck me. 

He smiles at me as he stretches out next to me and covers my mouth with his. Again I am struck by how deep and gentle his kiss is, his tongue exploring my mouth almost timidly. It feels strange to have him kiss me so softly. I moan and feel him smile as we continue to kiss. His hand moves down my chest and lightly caresses my stomach as I put my hand against the back of his head and pull him even closer to me, wanting to swallow him whole. The first touch of his hand on my cock makes me thrust my hips toward that warmth and I break the kiss. I look at his face and see that he's still smiling, but this time it's reaching his eyes. He gives me one more lingering kiss before he starts to move down my body, slowly tracing a path along my chest, down to my stomach, lazily flicking a tongue into my navel.

"Alex.." He lightly bites the skin beneath my belly button and I arch toward his touch.

Without a word he suddenly licks the head of my cock, then wraps his lips around it, making me buck my hips into his mouth. I want to feel more of that hot tongue on me...I need him to...oh god, before I can react, he's taken my whole cock into his mouth, and is sucking and licking as if it were his favorite flavor of ice cream. I reach out a hand and stroke his hair, biting my lip as he places a firm hand at the base of my cock and starts slowly moving it up and down in time with the rhythm he's formed with his mouth. I can feel the tension of orgasm building and threatening to end this too soon.

"Not...yet..." I manage to speak, but he doesn't stop. His beautiful mouth continues to suck on my cock and I'm so close....if he keeps it up I'm going to lose it...suddenly he clamps a hand around the base of my cock, stalling my orgasm.

"How does that feel?" I hear him smiling.

"Oh god, Alex....you're beautiful."

"Nah," he says as I feel him start to lick my balls, making me squirm. "I'm just selfish...I want you to come while I'm inside you, that's all."

I manage a slight chuckle at the matter of fact way he says that.

"Then, you'd better do it fast or you'll be disappointed." I'm not sure how I'm able to speak coherently with the incredible things he's doing to me. 

"Mmmm, okay." He licks the head of my penis, then kisses it as he lets go with his hand.

I watch him as he gets up to get lube out of his jeans, and see how red and wet his cock is, just waiting to enter me and fill me. My cock throbs and I hope I can last...

He gets back on the bed and squirts some lube onto his fingers, warming it up. I start to turn over when he stops me.

"Let me see your face. I want to see what you look like when we...make love" My heart aches at the pleading way he says it and his words surprise me. If there was any doubt about the way I feel about him, it's all gone now.

I nod and he raises my knees, gently pressing a finger to my ass. I thrust against him wanting more of him inside me. The addition of another finger is almost enough to make me come, and, as if sensing this, he clamps down on my cock again and eases up with his fingers.

"Not yet," he says, softly, his voice shaking.

"Alex, just...fuck me." He laughs and positions himself between my legs. 

The minute I feel the tip of his penis enter me, I close my eyes and cherish the feel of his heat as it slides all the way into me. I open my eyes, meeting his, and for a moment I feel the world stop. There's no need to breathe or think or even for our hearts to beat. We're captured here forever in this one perfect moment which I'll never forget. 

As he starts to slowly move inside me, I meet his every movement with one of my own. I feel his hand on my cock as he strokes it in time with our rhythm. Too soon the tight unavoidable pressure rises up from inside me and I'm coming all over the both of us, saying his name over and over again, like a mantra. The look on his face and the way his thrusts start to become more erratic, tell me he's close to coming. 

He locks onto my gaze. "I love you, Fox." It's barely audible, but I hear it. He comes with a grunt and I feel his hot come pumping into me, filling me. I put my arms around him as he collapses on top of me. At that moment I love him more than anyone I ever have in my life. I've found my other half.

"Are you okay?" I ask after a few minutes. He kisses me, then moves off of me and lies down on his back, staring at the ceiling. A part of me is prepared for him to tell me this was all just a joke and he was playing along with me so he could fuck me before he walked out of my life.

"Yeah." That's all he says and I start to feel sick. If this meant nothing to him, I don't want to know. I'm about to say something when he turns to me and puts his arms around me.

"Come here." I'm relieved at the words and move into his embrace, imprinting his smell in my memory. I relish the warmth of his arms as they encircle me. "Turn around," he says softly, and I comply, his heat warming my back and making me feel safe. That's the second time I've used the word safe in reference to him. I smile.

"Can you stay?" I ask, knowing the answer. He doesn't say anything and I suppose he didn't hear me. I'm about to repeat the question, when I hear a soft snore. Sighing with relief, contentment, whatever it may be, I close my eyes and fall asleep.

*********

I open one eye and look at the clock before realizing that I don't have anywhere to be. It's the weekend. I reach an arm behind me and feel the empty bed. A moment of panic and I sit up looking at the rumpled sheets and dented pillow where he'd been lying. Maybe he's in the shower, but I don't hear any water running. I look and see that his clothes and gun are gone. Getting up and throwing on my jeans, I run into the living room.

His jacket's gone, but his gloves are still where he left them. There's a piece of paper underneath them. Willing my heart to slow down before it explodes, I walk to the chair where my jacket and his gloves are lying. I feel like a prisoner on death row taking his last steps before he is destroyed forever. I feel nauseous and my hand shakes as I reach out and slowly pick up the pieces of leather and the note. I don't want to read it. If I don't read it, I won't know. It won't be happening. He won't leave me if I don't see it in writing. I close my eyes and put his gloves to my face, taking a deep breath, inhaling his smell. I breathe out slowly and put them on, flexing my fingers to allow the leather to mold itself to my hands. For a moment, I imagine I'm holding his hands, then I touch my face, feeling his fingers on my lips, my jaw, my throat. After a few moments, I open my eyes and strip off the gloves, placing them next to my jacket. I finally allow myself to read the note written in the familiar, rough handwriting...

Fox--I never imagined this would ever happen. Falling in love with you wasn't part of my grand plan to not give a shit about anyone but myself. If you'd have been awake when I left this morning, I know you would have asked me if I was going to come back. I would have said yes in a heartbeat. But you were asleep, which made it -- dammit, it wasn't easier -- it was painful as hell for me to go. I just don't want to be there the day you realize you've made a horrible mistake and open your eyes to who I really am. I can't live with that threat hanging over my head. Yeah, I'm being selfish, but what else is new? I'm more sorry than you could ever know about breaking my promise to leave without hurting you. Forgive me. Love A.

I don't even realize I'm crying until I see a drop hit the paper, smearing the ink on the page. I crumple up the note and will it to disappear, erasing everything in it and bringing him back to me. Cursing myself, I wipe my eyes and unroll the note, trying to smooth out the wrinkles. I want to keep it so we can have a good laugh about it later. When he comes back to me. 

=====the end======

 

* * *

 

Lying III: The Door  
by Frankie  
Disclaimer: All elements of the television show "The X Files" belong to FOX Broadcasting, 1013 "I Made This" Productions, and Chris Carter. Now, I'm assuming that means the boys' naughty bits as well, but since he never shows them to us, I can always dream. Lyrics belong to Sam Phillips and Virgin Records.  
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex, language.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: It's New Year's Eve and Alex does some drinking and some thinking.  
Note: Thank you to Sue (thanks for Dear Abby) and Fleur for the beta. What would I do without you? Any remaining mistakes are mine. I know this is a really belated New Year's story, but I am a master procrastinator. Sorry.  
Feedback: I would love it! 

* * *

It wasn't what I had to drink  
That kept me up all night  
Something you said made me think  
I was up all night  
I forgot my reservation  
There's no room for doubt  
I don't know how I got in  
But you found me out  
Now I can't find the door  
Love is what I leave for  
I can't find the door  
Away from you comrade

Damnit. I'd been in this rathole for two hours and I still wasn't drunk enough. I had walked in the front door with visions of getting shitfaced and lost in a crowd. Instead I'd been surprised at the small number of New Year's revelers in the place. I never ceased to be amazed by the suckers who thought that because they all greeted a new day together, it would be different from any other day. All the new year meant was at least three hundred and sixty-five more ways to fuck up. I looked at my watch. There were a few minutes before all hell broke loose. I could stay here until the bells rang and whistles blew and then go back to my apartment.

I motioned to the bartender and he came over. "Bottle of Jack Daniels."

"Hey, buddy, New Year's or not, I think you've had enough."

I reached across the bar and grabbed the guy's shirt. "I'm not your fucking buddy and I'll tell you when I've had enough. Now, set the bottle down and you get to live to see next year."

I let the sorry son of a bitch go with a shove. I'd been watching him as he got paid to serve the pathetic masses, getting them to the point where they could finally cope with their lives, then cutting them off. I hated his kind as much as I needed them.

I glared at him when he put the bottle down next to me. The look on his face reminded me of the way the world saw me. I scared him. I was unstable. I would kill him without a second thought, just for crossing me. He retreated to the other end of the bar and, much to my surprise, started cleaning some glasses. Funny, I didn't think they believed in hygiene in a place like this.

Before I had the chance to get better acquainted with Jack, everyone started counting down the last ten seconds of the old year. At the sound of the first few notes of "Auld Lang Syne", I stood up and threw enough money on the bar to cover my tab and provide a healthy tip. Maybe I was getting soft in my old age. I grabbed the bottle and headed out into the cold.

A bum staggered toward me. "Hey man, wanna share?"

I looked at him and envied the fact that his life would be made better by some whiskey in his belly. My life would be made better by a bullet in my head. I was a fucking asshole. I shook my head to try and rid myself of the veil of self-pity that had descended over me. If there was one thing I couldn't stomach, it was when some snot-nosed little puke whined about how bad his life was. Tonight I would have been tempted to kick my own ass if I wasn't suddenly feeling a little unsteady on my feet. I'll be damned. I guess I was drunk after all.

"Here." I gave him the bottle. I didn't need it. "Happy New Year."

His face lit up as if I'd just given him a winning lottery ticket. "Thanks, man. God bless."

I smiled at the sentiment. Fitting that some poor waste of humanity would be the one and only person to ever wish me anything besides a slow, painful death. Why the hell didn't I just cry myself a river? It would be more subtle. Still, considering it was the holiday season, I expected to feel a little more love from my fellow man. Okay, if I didn't count the shit that had gone down a couple of weeks ago, I could actually make that statement with a straight face.

**I..Alex, I...love you**

Fuck. Thinking about it while it was still so fresh in my mind made me want to scream. If I didn't get back to my apartment I'd end up hurting somebody other than myself. Believe it or not, I didn't want to do that. I'd hurt enough people. Scratch that. I didn't give a shit about everyone I'd hurt, just...

I'd always thought Mulder was a brilliant man, but he'd proven what an idiot he was by telling me he actually loved me. We'd always had an unspoken arrangement and no matter what I may have been feeling for him, I could live with the knowledge that I'd never be on the receiving end of that sort of emotion. The asshole had to go and fuck things up by giving me what I wanted. I should have just laughed at him and walked out. End of story. It would have hurt him, but at least he could go back to hating me like he should, like I was used to. Instead, being the stupid fuck I am, I admitted I felt the same way and stayed with him. I made love to him. Then I left him. God, I'm a piece of shit. At least if I'd just told him to fuck off, he wouldn't be missing me. I laughed at myself. Whoa, Alex. Getting a bit ahead of ourselves, aren't we? The second Mulder read that note, he probably heaved a huge sigh of relief that he didn't have to face the light of day with me in his bed. Maybe he'd chalk it up to temporary insanity and be done with it.

**Let me love you**

Motherfucker! I wondered how long he'd been planning his attack before he laid it on me. It had been months since I'd seen him and I had only gone back to him once I had thoroughly convinced myself that I didn't need or care about him. Imagine my surprise when the prick just let loose with the sweet talk and confessed his true feelings. I was completely blindsided by his admission and thought he was fucking with me. It wasn't until he finally convinced me he meant it that I let down my walls and gave in to him. It had been so easy. Nothing in my life had ever been as easy as that night. If I closed my eyes, I could feel his lips against my ear, his hands sliding over my skin. In my dreams, he was still in my arms as we lay in bed together, the words we'd just spoken falling around us like so much snow. God help me, now I was starting to sound like some ratfuck poem written by a deranged teenager to his high school sweetheart.

Believe it or not, I had woken up early the next morning with the intention of staying. I'd planned on eating breakfast with him, something I never thought I'd do. I had actually managed to convince myself that if he and I could both forget what I was, we could be happy. It wasn't until I had gotten up to use the bathroom and saw his badge lying on top of his dresser, that I realized what my being with him would do to his life and his career. The day he realized he couldn't live with the decision he'd made, I would be there to see his disgust. It would have killed me. I got dressed, and before I left I'd written a note saying all the things I was thinking. I could kick myself for doing that. If it was in writing, it was real. I shouldn't have let it become real.

I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going and when I looked at my surroundings I found myself facing the front of his building. What was I, a fucking homing pigeon? Granted, I didn't live too far from him, which I thought was kind of funny considering he didn't know, but damn, how the hell could I just walk here on automatic pilot like that? Must be a frigging X File because I refused to believe it was a sign from some higher power telling me to get the hell up there and beg his forgiveness for being such a dick. I sighed and looked around at the people on the streets. I hadn't noticed them all before. Most were drunk, some were kissing, others were cracking themselves up by setting off firecrackers on the sidewalk and scaring the hell out of the unaware. God, I hated humans sometimes. I looked up at his window one more time and turned to walk home.

"Go see him."

I turned around to see who'd spoken to me. The only person close enough was some guy who happened to bear more than a passing resemblance to yours truly. Well, he would have if I'd been the poster boy for Baby Gap.

"Are you talking to me?" Suddenly I was Bobby De Niro.

My lookalike nodded and looked up at Mulder's window. "He's probably waiting for you, you know."

I couldn't decide if I felt as if I were on an episode of "The Twilight Zone" or "Touched By An Angel" because when I turned to talk to him, he was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him walking down the street with either a very close friend or a john.

"Hey!" I shouted to get his attention. Somehow, he heard me and turned around. I walked quickly to catch up with him. "How do you know about him and me?"

"I'd tried to pick him up a couple of weeks ago." Little Alex blushed. So that's what I'd look like if I had any humility. Interesting. "Then last night I saw him again and he ended up telling me everything about the two of you."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Because he told me I looked like you, dummy."

It was only the fact that I'd asked a stupid question that kept me from ending his New Year's celebration right there. Little shit. He looked up at the window again.

"I'm telling you, you should go up there. He's missing you something awful."

I cringed to hear those words coming out of what looked like my mouth. If I ever died and was reincarnated as a goody two shoes, white bread, reject from the fifties, I'd fucking kill myself. Please God, if I do come back again, make it something good like a great white shark, and not some Dear Abby wannabe.

"Maybe there's a reason why I can't see him." Why the hell did I feel the need to justify my decision to this boil on the ass of humanity?

He put his hand on my shoulder. I must have been feeling extremely generous because it stayed attached to his arm. "It's a new year. Clean slate."

As much as I hated to admit it, something in the way he said those last two words made me believe that maybe he was right. I had nothing to lose. If Mulder woke up one day and decided he hated me, fuck it. The point was, he loved me right now. I could live with that. Who was I kidding? It's what I'd been afraid to admit to myself that I'd always wanted. What the hell had I done to deserve this? It must have been pretty decent if it meant I could be happy for once in my sorry life. Shit. I was starting to feel like Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music". If I broke out into "Something Good" I would give my gun to Baby Alex and ask him to blow my brains out.

I shrugged noncommittally. "Yeah, well, we'll see."

He grinned back at me. "Uh huh. Happy New Year." His friend put an arm around him and they started down the street again.

In all my years, that had to be the weirdest goddamn experience I'd ever had. Considering some of the shit I'd seen and done, that was really saying something. What did I do now, though? I took a deep breath and walked to the front door of Mulder's building, stopping just before I reached to open it. Looking around, I spied a woman a few feet from me holding a decent bouquet of flowers. As if on cue, she put them down on some steps so she could adjust her stockings, giving a few appreciative guys an eyeful. I nabbed the flowers and ran inside Mulder's building. Let the bitch try and get them back.

I walked up to Mulder's floor not trusting my luck and his elevator. It would just be my luck to end up stuck between floors with some dying flowers and enough time to talk myself out of seeing him. All too soon I was at his front door. I was about to walk in, when I decided to do this right. I'd have given anything to stop feeling like some pimply faced wanker hoping to get lucky. Relax, Alex. Think of all the people you've scared, maimed, killed...that's better. I raised my hand and tentatively knocked on the door.

Thinking he hadn't heard me, I was about to knock again when I saw the knob turn slowly. The door opened and revealed a slightly mussed, bleary-eyed Fox. He squinted at me.

"Michael?"

My blood froze and I sobered instantly. Who the fuck was Michael? Goddamnit! I knew this had been a fucking mistake. I couldn't say a word as he rubbed his eyes and took a good look at me.

"Shit! Alex..." Before I could protest, he had pulled me into his apartment and started babbling. "God, you never knock and he looks so much like you...I'd just woken up and...and I mean, I had no reason to believe that you'd ever show up here again...I had, um, just seen him last night and figured that he'd come by to see if...if I was okay and--" He stopped and pointed at the flowers in my hand. "What are those?"

I stuck out my arm and presented them to him like a second grader giving his teacher an apple on the first day of school. I had no idea what to say. This was not the kind of thing I made a habit of doing. "Um, happy New Year," I mumbled.

He carefully reached out a hand and took the arrangement from me. Raising it to his nose, he grinned then took a quick sniff. "I didn't have you pegged for a romantic."

"Don't start or I'm leaving." My voice sounded low and steady, but my heart was racing. I already felt like an idiot. I didn't need him to remind me of how ridiculous I must seem. Damnit, I didn't know how to act normally around him and was afraid that if I broke down and showed him how relieved I was to be here, he'd think I was weak and wouldn't want me anymore.

"Don't leave." His face was serious and I wanted nothing more than to get down on my knees and tell him how sorry I was for hurting him.

He moved forward and put his arms around me. As I moved into the heat of his embrace, he tightened his grip, the paper wrapping of the bouquet rustling as it rubbed against my back. "I'm sorry," I whispered into his ear.

"I know. It's okay." I felt him kiss my hair and inhale deeply. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax. Well, as much as someone like me could ever relax. I'd never let go completely, even with him. It wasn't in me.

"Can I stay?" I already knew the answer, but I asked just in case. Feelings can change at the drop of a hat and I needed to know that he still wanted me to be in his life.

He pushed me away from him, leaving me feeling cold. "I think you know the answer to that. Why did you ask me?" I could have sworn there was a hint of hostility lurking behind that question. Whatever it may have been, it was enough to put me on the defensive.

"I just wanted to know where I stand with you. I don't think it's unreasonable." I should have told myself to be quiet. I was starting to act like a moron. It was a role I played well, but this was not the time or the place for another performance. Why the fuck couldn't I just shut up and let him love me?

I couldn't have predicted what he'd do next. In a flash, the flowers had been flung across the room, hitting the opposite wall. Silken petals fluttered to the floor, joining the leaves and stems that were in a crumpled mess on the carpet. His hands were grabbing my upper arms and he was shaking me. I could have ended it right there. No one touched me like that and lived to see another day. No one but him.

"Fuck you, Alex! You know damn well that I want you here with me, sharing my life. I don't know why you feel like you can come back to me and start acting like some fucking victim, pretending you don't know what the hell I want from you." He shoved me backwards and slowly lifted a trembling hand, running it through his hair. "If that's the only way you can get off, I want you out of my goddamned life. I've had it." The look in his eyes was almost unreadable. Sure, he was pissed as hell, but I thought I might have seen a little bit of hatred in the glare he shot me. That hadn't taken long.

I moved toward him and raised a hand to touch his face. He flinched and backed away. I should have just walked out, but for once I was going to do the opposite of what my gut was telling me. For this one night I would listen to my poor excuse for a heart.

"What are you saying, Mulder?"

He raised his eyes to the ceiling and laughed the most frustrated yet resigned laugh I'd ever heard. With a deep sigh, he looked at me. I felt myself shrinking under the weight of that gaze. My legs were itching to carry me out the front door almost as much as my hands wanted to grab him and kiss him, putting an end to all of my bullshit posturing.

"Krycek," I didn't like the sound of my name when he said it like that, "you are the most asinine, stupid, dense, idiotic, pathetic...blockhead I have ever known. Not even two weeks ago I laid all my cards on the table. I told you exactly what I felt, feared, wanted...every *fucking* thing! You acted like you understood what I was saying. Did I underestimate your intelligence? Are you just a big, brainless, killer, whose one redeeming quality is how well you can handle your...gun?" His eyes flickered downward and made it clear enough, even for me, what he was implying. "If you're going to insist on being an imbecile, I want nothing to do with you. I don't have room in my life or my bed for someone so obviously lacking in the sense God gave a fruit fly."

His tirade washed over me, leaving me slightly stunned at the fervor with which it was delivered. It also amused the hell out of me as I wondered when his standards had suddenly become so high. Before I could stop myself, I started smiling, then chuckling, until I was laughing so hard my sides began to ache. At first the expression on his face was one of shock then finally he cracked a smile and started laughing with me.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "Blockhead? Damnit, Mulder. Even you could come up with something better than that."

He nodded his head. "Yeah. And where the hell did I get 'fruit fly' from?"

I snorted. "I don't know, but I'm an idiot, remember?"

"Oh, god." He grinned and put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry for saying those things." His hand moved to cup the side of my face and I needed him to kiss me more than I needed his apology.

I moved forward until we were nose to nose, our lips almost touching. "I can't blame you. You're right, I am stupid. Forgive me?"

He snaked a hand around to the back of my neck, the warmth of his touch thrilling me. "Always." He pressed his lips to mine and I finally surrendered to him. My mouth opened under the gentle assault and his tongue slid over mine, hot and restless, almost unforgiving in its urgency. I welcomed the sudden demand coming from him and I let his need flow through me. His mouth was claiming me and that was something I knew I would willingly give in to.

There was a moan of protest as he broke our kiss and it took me a minute to realize it had come from me. His eyes were dark, his lips swollen and wet, and when he moved his hips against me, I could feel how much he wanted me. As he started to grind his cock against mine, the surge of arousal that ran through my body awakened every nerve ending. I moved my hand down between us and started to undo his jeans.

"Not yet," he whispered. I felt a hand in my hair and he pulled my head back, exposing my throat to him. Soon that magical mouth was threatening to suck the life out of me. His tongue was hot as it flicked across the sensitive skin of my neck and I was sure he was marking me for life. The heat moved to my collar bone and a quick bite made me cry out. A muffled apology and his lips were again on mine, his tongue thrusting deeply into my mouth, a reminder that every bit of me was his.

Somehow we managed to stumble toward the bedroom, never breaking our embrace. It was as if neither of us wanted to risk letting the other go even though we knew there was no longer any danger of being apart. As we fell onto the bed, a messy heap of limbs and stifled giggles, I couldn't help but wonder if I was dreaming. Maybe I'd finally gotten killed and was in heaven. That thought flew from my mind when I realized I'd never make it to heaven and there's no way Fox would be in hell with me. I smiled at the thought that I was indeed alive, not dreaming, and that his tongue really was doing some amazing things with mine.

Our hands quickly got to work removing our clothes, roaming over familiar terrain once the intruding garments were out of the way. My fingertips could read every inch of his body like a map, but this time they shook and were almost afraid to touch him. It had never been like this. Even the last time we'd been together had not been this frightening. It had been warm and sweet and I had felt so grateful to him then. Now, I knew that this really was the beginning of forever for us. I didn't want to screw this up. He sensed my hesitation and took my hand, placing it over his heart.

"Don't be afraid." Stretching out on top of me, he gently kissed my ear then nuzzled my neck. "I love you. There's nothing to fear."

I started to laugh. "Nothing except what kind of presents you'd give me for my birthday."

Raising his head, he looked at me. "Are you questioning my taste?" He brushed his thumb across my lower lip.

I kissed his thumb. "You don't have any. What's to question?"

"Don't make me bring up your, ahem, clothing choices when we were partners." That shut me up. "What makes you think I'd ever give you a present anyway?"

I rolled him onto his back and moved my hand down between us, grasping his cock. "Because I love you. You'll have to pay me off somehow."

"Ahh, I see," he said, taking hold of my erection and running a thumb over the head, making me squirm. He brought his thumb to his mouth and licked the shiny fluid collected there. "Mmm, how about if I give you a present now?"

My cock jumped at the promise in those words, but I wanted to do a little giving of my own first. I slid down his lean body and took him into my mouth before he could argue with me. The sharp taste of him made my mouth water and I licked and sucked him hungrily. I had so much to make up for. I thought of all the times I hadn't done this to him because of some pointless mindgame I had always felt the need to play and cursed myself for the lost opportunities. Our last time together was only just the start for me. I could see myself being quite satisfied to set up a permanent home here between his legs. My musings stopped when I felt his hand in my hair.

"Alex...I love you, baby." I almost bit him in my surprise at hearing him call me that. How the fuck could I love him anymore than I already did? I would have died for him at that very moment. I wanted to make him come so hard he'd never forget me. Easing my mouth off of him, and ignoring his objections to my sudden change of plans, I licked a finger and slid it into his ass. The sudden thrust of his hips as he wanted more of me inside him, made me happier than all the times I'd helped rid the world of useless scum. I wasn't sure what this would do to my kill record, but I could live with a few less dead bodies on my hands.

"You want me to fuck you, Fox?" Who the hell was I kidding? I needed to get my dick into that sweet ass fast, but I wanted him to tell me how much he wanted me. There was no record of anyone actually dying from not being able to fuck their lover quickly enough, but that didn't mean it had never happened.

"Do it...now. Fuck me, Alex."

I laughed. "Not yet." I moved my finger until it slid over the smooth surface of his prostate, making him shout out. I lowered my head and ran my tongue in a slow line along the underside of his penis from the base to the tip, kissing the head.

"Suck me...damnit..."

"I don't think so, Fox." I amazed myself with the amount of self-restraint I was demonstrating. I'd dreamt about sucking his cock more than I'd ever dreamt about anything. Even on all those nights when I would have killed for a warm place to sleep, I stayed alive because thoughts of this man ran through my head. I licked up and down his dick, but never giving him what he wanted. When I started to suck and lick his balls, he moaned and grabbed my hair, pulling my head up so I was forced to look at him.

"You want me to beg?" His voice was soft and needy. "I don't want to play these games anymore. Not tonight."

That statement hung in the air until I made my admission. "Games are all I know, Fox."

He shook his head. "No, they're not. Baby, you know so much more than that. You know how to love me."

I felt my heart in my throat at his words and didn't know what to say. He felt my hesitation.

"Show me, Alex. Like last time."

He let go of my hair as I shifted to move up his body. I never broke his gaze as I raised his legs and positioned myself between them. I bit back a groan as I felt the head of my cock slide into the moist heat of his body. He sighed and closed his eyes as I started to move slowly inside him.

"Fox....you're so hot...I need you so much." I didn't know what I was saying to him. All I could feel was the way his body held onto me as I fucked him.

"Alex..." It was a plea.

"Tell me..." I knew he wanted more, but he needed to say it.

"Hard, make it harder...fuck me, Alex..." His face was so beautiful and I had to taste that mouth again. I covered his mouth with mine and sucked on his tongue and lips, feeling like a desperate man. If I let him go, I knew I'd die.

"I don't want to hurt you..." I started to thrust into him a little faster, his muscles holding onto my cock, making me grunt as I slid in and out of him.

"Do it...hurt me..." I was surprised and turned on even more by the prospect that he wanted me to get rough with him.

"No, Fox...I can't..."

"Think of what I've done to you....make me pay..."

I didn't know if I'd be able to get off more than a couple of thrusts before I came, but I'd do my damnedest to concentrate and give him what he wanted. I moved faster until I was slamming into him again and again, making sure he knew I'd never let him go and that we belonged to each other. I started to think about how much I loved him and what kind of shit we'd done to one another. He was responding to me, urging me to fuck him until I was pounding into him. I made him feel how much he'd hurt me by not telling me sooner how much he wanted me. I don't know what kind of entity possessed me at that moment but I felt the pressing urgency to fuck his head through the goddamn headboard. It wasn't anger or violence. It was need and regret and hope pushing me into him, making me feel the need to mark him, hurt him.

"Alex! Fuck!"

I was vaguely aware that he was screaming my name and I wasn't sure if it was from pain or pleasure but at that point I didn't care. He needed to remember who was making him feel this way in case he ever decided to take it away from me. I suddenly heard the strangled cry he gave as I made him come. His semen shot all over the both of us and I wanted to lick him clean, tasting what I'd been craving for days.

"You're mine, damnit!" I tried in vain to keep fucking him as his muscles contracted around my cock. I couldn't hold back any longer as I felt all the tension and pressure, fear and uncertainty I'd been feeling for the past couple of weeks shoot from deep within me, through my cock, and into him. I don't know what the hell I shouted as I came. It may have been Russian, Swahili, or Pig Latin for all I knew. All I did know was that I'd just fucked the man I would love for the rest of my life. After all the wasted time, he was mine.

I didn't move. He stared up at me, his face glistening with sweat. Neither of us said a word. I bent my head down and placed the softest, gentlest kiss on his lips that I could muster. There was still a part of me that wanted to crush that tender mouth, but I held it in check.

"I love you." The sound of my voice surprised me. It sounded so sincere and...human. Don't be mistaken. I meant the words I said, I was just amazed by how much. I moved down and flicked my tongue over his torso, lapping up his come. He slowly stroked my hair and then said something.

"What, babe?" The endearment felt natural rolling off my tongue and was out of my mouth before I could think about it.

"I said, I love you, too."

I positioned myself to stretch out next to him and he shifted into my arms, the same way he had the last time we had been together. The softness of his hair under my cheek and the warmth of his body comforted me more than anything in my life ever had. This time when I fell asleep I knew that no matter what happened, I wouldn't leave him.

I read over the note in my hands before I placed it on the pillow next to him, wanting to make sure everything was clear.

Hey Lover,  
Happy New Year.   
Since I woke up absolutely ravenous this morning and you have *nothing* edible in this place, I went out to get us some breakfast. Hope you like brioche, croissants, and *decent* coffee because that's what you're getting. I'm probably going to be cold when I get back so keep that pretty ass of yours in bed and be ready to warm me up. Love you.  
Alex

I leaned down and kissed his forehead, brushing a lock of hair out of the way.

I'd try to be back before he woke up.

The End

 

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Disclaimer: Would you believe that in the past 24 hours, ownership of these fellas has not changed?  
Pairing: M/K  
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex and violence  
Summary/Notes: WARNING WARNING WARNING!!! This is one of the three alternate plots that popped into my head while I was writing Lying III. It is *completely* different from the one I finally decided on, so if you don't want to read a darker Fox and Alex, don't read this. I showed it to Sue (thanks for the beta, babe!) and she thought I should post it. Here goes...  
Feedback: That's quickly becoming my favorite word. 

* * *

Lying III: Go Down (Alternate Version 1)  
by Frankie

[It starts after Alex finds himself outside Fox's building and decides he doesn't want to see him. He also doesn't want to go home. Instead... ]

I decided to go to a bar a few blocks away where there was a large crowd that I could get lost in. I don't know what I expected to happen to me while I was there, but there was always the chance I'd see...something interesting.

I'd only been there about fifteen minutes before I felt someone walk up behind me and whisper in my ear. 

"You changed your hair." I felt a hand slowly snake around and grab my crotch. "Looks good." A kiss on my neck. I'd obviously been mistaken for someone else. Big mistake.

I turned around and looked this pasty faced fucker in the face. The look in his eyes told him he knew he'd messed up big time.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were--- um, you guys look a lot alike, that's all."

I narrowed my eyes and looked at him. It would be kind of fun to fuck around with this little shit.

"Well, too bad. Must be a lucky guy." I flashed him my most seductive look which consisted of me...looking at him. He smiled and I knew I had him. Don't ask me why I even wanted to waste my time with this wart, but I figured if things got out of hand, no one would miss him.

"You know, it's not like we're committed or anything." 

I managed to keep a straight face as he looked at me with the most desperate look I'd ever seen on a human face. I'm not counting the times I've looked in the mirror after waking up from a dream involving Mulder.

"So, you wanna head out back, then?" I licked my lips for good measure and reeled the bastard in. He nodded eagerly and I was about to leave with him when I looked across the bar and saw myself. Mr. Pasty followed my gaze and grinned.

"Hey, that's who I thought you were. Want him to join us?"

What the fuck? Did I look like a goddamned hostess? I shrugged noncommittally and he went over to talk to the junior me. They both walked back to me, Alex Junior smiling at me.

"Hi, I'm Michael." He put out his hand for me to shake. I looked at it as if it was a piece of filth then looked up at him.

"Good for you."

Mr. Pasty looked at me then at his boy toy. "Where were you?"

"I was just with the most incredible guy." The way he smiled almost made me lose my dinner.

"Oh, do tell."

Why the fuck why I standing here listening to this? I started to walk away when I heard Michael describe his recent encounter.

"I think he works for the government and you won't believe what his name is. It had to be his real name, though because no one would make up one like that."

I turned around and smiled. "Was it Fox Mulder?"

Michael's eyes widened. "Yeah! How'd you guess?"

I pushed down the bitterness and anger and just tilted my head. "I've had a few good times with him too."

"Isn't he fantastic? Wow!" The kid was gushing and I wanted to beat the shit out of him.

"Hmm, who do you think taught him everything he knows?"

Both of them looked at me but the only one I wanted was Michael. I looked at his friend and frowned. "Looks like you're shit outta luck. Have a happy New Year."

I grabbed Michael's arm and led him outside. We went into the alley and I threw him, facefirst, against the wall, pinning him there. I put my lips to his ear.

"So what did you guys do?"

He was starting to breathe heavily, the little pervert, and laughed. 

"What didn't we do?"

I reached around to the front of his pants and unbuttoned them, sliding my hand inside to feel his already hard cock. As I started stroking it, he moved back against me, rubbing his ass against the front of my jeans. Dammit, I was gonna fuck him first.

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna do something to you he'd never do."

I roughly pulled his pants down and thrust into him without preparation. I'd make this motherfucker pay for what he did. He screamed and I clamped a hand over his mouth.

"You shut the fuck up or I kill you."

He nodded his head frantically and I started fucking him, pounding him into the wall, wanting to make him hurt as much as I was hurting now. Goddamn piece of shit! Who the fuck did he think he was? He couldn't tell me he loved me then fuck the first guy that came along. I'd fucking kill him. Before I knew what I was doing, I had taken out my knife and was holding it to Michael's throat.

"P-Please...." He was begging for his life. I hated that. With one swift movement, it was over. He slumped against the wall then slowly crumpled to the ground as I stepped back. I carefully fastened my jeans around my still erect cock. I hadn't come and it hurt, but I had to see Mulder to make it stop. I bent down and wiped the blade off on Michael's shirt. He didn't suffer. I took off before his little friend decided to invite himself to our party. I was sure there were a few people who had seen me leave the alley, but at that point I really didn't give a fuck. 

I walked quickly until I found myself standing outside his building. I looked up at his window for any sign that he was home. The lights were out and there was no visible movement inside. With Mulder, that didn't mean a damn thing. He could be sitting in the dark wondering where the hell his sister was, watching porn, or both. Or he could have actually been out. Yeah, right, and I was the Easter Bunny. In a flash I was upstairs standing outside his apartment. I checked the door and it was locked. No problem. Within a matter of moments I was inside. It was completely dark so I figured that he must have been out after all. Well, I'd be goddamned. I was about to go into the living room and have a seat when I noticed that there was light coming from under the bathroom door and heard the shower running. The thought of him naked and wet made my murderous thoughts disappear. He was the only man who could do that to me.

I took off my jacket and walked into the bathroom. Undressing quickly and putting my clothes in a messy pile on the floor, I swept the curtain aside with a flourish. The look on Mulder's face was priceless and before he could say a word I was in the shower and had him pressed against the wall. I crushed my mouth over his, wanting to kiss the life out of him. I felt him give in to me and all I could taste was what might have been. There was so much promise in that kiss, I didn't want to stop. I reached between us and grabbed his cock, needing to feel him inside me. I could forgive him anything if only he'd give me what I needed.

"Alex--" he gasped as I bit his neck and rubbed our cocks together.

"Fuck me, Fox." I moved us so I was facing the wall and he was behind me. I felt his fingertips, gentler than the water trickling down my skin, caress my back down to my ass, then the backs of my thighs. He got down on his knees and started kissing the same spots his fingers had just burned onto my body. He gently moved my legs apart and began kissing and licking the insides of my thighs as his hands roamed over my body. My legs trembled as I tried to maintain my composure. I needed him so much, I could feel it in every cell of my body.

"Dammit, Fox! I said, fuck me!"

I heard him laugh softly as he squeezed my ass and stood up. He licked the water from between my shoulder blades, making me shiver amidst the steam swirling around us. As he licked his way across my back to my shoulder, he moved one hand around my waist and placed it on my stomach, pulling me closer to him. I felt his cock rubbing against me and I moaned in frustration as I willed him to end this torture. His other hand slid across my chest and played over a nipple, barely making contact with it before moving to the other. He caressed my chest, rubbing in circles, occasionally stopping to pay more attention to my now ultra-sensitive nipples. I didn't know why he was doing this to me. I begged him to give me what I wanted.

"Not yet," his voice was thick and burned my ear with its heat. "You need to know how much I need you first."

Dammit. I just wanted to give in to him forever and say fuck off to the world. All we needed was each other and the rest of the world could suck my dick. Actually, no. The only lips I wanted on my dick were his.

He moved his hand down my body and started to gently massage my thighs and the skin all around my aching cock, touching everything but my now painful erection. I knew that the moment he touched it, I'd come.

"Please..." I didn't care if he knew how badly I needed him. "Fox, I love you. I'm sorry I left you."

"I know you do. It's okay." He moved his hands down to slip a finger inside me, preparing to give me what I wanted. 

"Just do it, Fox. I'm ready."

He didn't need any more encouragement than that and I felt him place the tip of his cock to my opening and start to push slowly, carefully. I pushed back against him forcing him inside me faster. He inhaled sharply at my movement and pushed into me quickly.

"Hurt me, Fox." My voice was shaky and breathy and I hoped he'd heard me.

"I don't want to hurt you."

I was getting pissed off. "Goddammit! Just do what I say you fucking cocksucker. Hurt me. Fuck me like I deserve it."

I felt him smile against my ear and continued his slow, gentle thrusting.

"Shit. If you love me, Fox, you will start fucking me like you mean it."

That must have gotten through to him because suddenly I was shoved against the wall with such force I would have broken my nose if I'd been looking at it face on. He ripped into me and it felt so good I thought I was going to pass out. I wanted to be bruised and bloody when he was finished with me. I needed to remember this night forever because I'd never see him alive again. They were going to trace Michael's murder back to me and then I would be a dead man. If I wasn't executed, I'd be killed in prison the minute I set foot in there. I had to make Mulder mark me so I would always have this night. Soon, I felt my orgasm building as with every thrust he hit my prostate, making me see stars. When his hand took hold of my cock, I couldn't hold back anymore and came, hard, shooting my come all over us and the wall. It wasn't too long before I felt him come inside me, filling me with the only thing I'd have left of him after they found me. He collapsed against me, his breathing heavy.

"I love you. I knew you'd come back."

I smiled, angry and sad that I'd have to leave him again, this time against my will.

"Fox, I love you. Never forget that. No matter what happens."

He turned me around slowly and gazed at me with those stunning eyes. Eyes that I could never say no to.

"What's wrong?"

Those two words were all it took for me to spill my guts. I told him everything that happened from what had been going through my head the morning I left him to my killing his recent conquest in a blind fit of jealousy and rage. I expected him to hate me, look at me with disgust, anything but what he did. He took me in his arms and told me that he'd protect me. I wondered if he'd heard what I'd just told him.

"Fox, I killed the guy who fucked you. I was seen by a bar full of people with him and god knows how many others saw me come out of the alley after I slit his throat. I'm a dead man."

He smiled and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. "No, you're not."

I looked at him as if he were crazy, but he didn't say another word, just stepped out of the shower and motioned me over to him. I followed his lead and we dried each other off between kisses and slow, lazy caresses.

"Alex, you're not the only one who can manipulate the law."

"Manipulate? What the hell are you talking about?" He raised an eyebrow at my statement. "I break the damn law."

His laugh was loud and sincere and surprised me considering everything I'd just told him. Maybe he'd finally lost it and this was his version of a nervous breakdown.

\----

"You hungry?" His question took me by surprise, but I nodded. "Let's get dressed and I'll get us something to eat."

He lent me a pair of sweats which were a little snug on me and we went into the kitchen. Judging from the lecherous look on his face, he didn't mind the tight fit of his clothes on me. The appreciative glance and lick of the lips when he eyed the way the sweats accented my crotch made my cock twitch. All thoughts of food flew out of my head as I pictured those lips sucking the come out of me slowly and wonderfully. As if reading my mind he kissed me and placed a hand over the growing bulge in my pants. I felt as if I were in a constant state of arousal whenever I was around this man. 

"Can you wait a while for the food?"

I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to me, kissing his mouth, teasing myself with the thought of what those lips would soon be doing to me. Before I'd gotten my fill, he stepped back and eased down the sweats I was wearing. I held onto his shoulder as I stepped out of them completely, wondering why the hell had I even bothered to put them on. He pushed me down until I was sitting in a kitchen chair then knelt between my legs, running his hands slowly up and down the tops of my thighs.

"Tell me more about it." He kissed inside of my left thigh, near the knee. I closed my eyes and felt him kissing his way along my leg, flicking his tongue out and licking the sensitive skin. When he reached the skin at the crook of my leg, he bit me hard.

"Ow, Fox! Be careful."

"I said, tell me about it." He started to kiss my right leg and when he got to the soft skin of my upper thigh, I started talking.

"I slit his throat. I killed him because you fucked him."

"Mmm," he licked the tip of my cock. "Details," his tongue flicked around the head. I'd tell him whatever he wanted if only he'd take me into that luscious mouth completely.

"What...what kind of details?" It was hard to concentrate when he started licking up and down the length of my shaft. God, his tongue left a hot trail on my skin.

"From the moment you knew what you wanted to do to him."

"Ahh..." He sucked one of my balls into his hot, wet mouth. Shit. "He told his friend he'd gotten the fuck of his life from you and I saw red." He moved his attention back to my cock and I squirmed. "Then...then I took him out back and slammed him against the wall." He suddenly took me all the way into his mouth. I bucked my hips attempting to fuck his mouth, but he held me down with one hand as he grasped the base of my cock with the other. He squeezed hard which I took as a cue to keep talking.

"I....god...I just slammed into him. Hard. It hurt, but I....fuck..." He started sucking harder as his head moved up and down. I was so close to coming, I didn't know if I'd be able to keep talking coherently. "I just wanted to fuck him and hurt him." I bit down on my lip as I felt my orgasm growing and I finally came, shooting my come down his throat. He hungrily lapped up everything and swallowed every drop.

He stood up and I could see the impressive outline of his erection as it strained against the soft fabric. I reached out shaky hands and slid them down over his hips, releasing his cock, the head dripping. I leaned forward to take him into my mouth to taste him, but he stopped me. He straddled my lap and put his hand on his dick, jerking himself off. 

He bent forward to lightly kiss my lips and moved along my face, placing soft kisses on my skin. His breath was hot against my ear as I felt him moving his hand faster.

"How did you do it? How did you kill him?" His voice was breathy, urgent and I felt his need to come. He needed me to help him.

I moved his head so I was whispering in his ear. "After I started pounding his ass, I took out my knife. I grabbed his hair and pulled back his head. I pressed the blade of the knife to his throat then drew it hard and deep across his skin. I let him go and the bastard just crumpled like a rag doll."

"God, Alex...." His fist was moving even faster and I felt the friction as it threatened to awaken my own, spent cock.

"I slit his throat for you, Fox. Because I love you."

He cried out as he came and I felt his hot come spurt all over the both of us. He collapsed against me and I put my arms around him.

"I killed him for you."

He kissed my neck. "I know you did."

"I love you, Fox."

"It's almost midnight," he whispered.

I glanced at the clock. It was about two minutes until the new year. I never thought I'd be sitting here with the man I loved, bringing in the new year. Not just that, but he was convinced that I wouldn't have to pay for my huge fuck up.

"I bet I have something good to drink somewhere." He stood up and pulled up his sweats, then bent down to pick up mine. Handing them to me, he smiled. "It's probably going to be beer and it's probably going to be domestic. Is that okay?"

I made a face as I stood up to get dressed. "I guess I could make that sacrifice." What he didn't know was that I'd drink sewer water with him if it meant celebrating the start of a new year together. 

While he got the beers out of the fridge, I wet a cloth and started to clean myself off. He turned to face me and I did the same to him. I threw the cloth on the counter and took the beer he offered me.

Suddenly, there was an explosion of noise outside on the streets. Bells and whistles and firecrackers mingled with the sounds of people shouting and soon we could hear the sounds of singing coming from throughout the building.

"Happy New Year." His voice was soft and if I hadn't been looking at him, I wouldn't have heard what he'd said. I clinked my bottle against his and took a quick drink before I leaned in to kiss him.

"It will be, won't it?" I hadn't meant to sound so pleading when I said that. I really wondered how happy it would be considering I was probably going to finally pay for all the crimes I'd committed.

He nodded and put his hand on my face. He was about to say something when there was a pounding on the door.

"Probably just drunken revelers," he smiled.

"It's the police. Could you open your door please?"

For the first time in a long time, I felt panic at the sound of any kind of law enforcement finding me. 

"Yeah, just a second."

Fox put his finger to his lips and motioned for me to hide in his bedroom closet. I rushed in there as he went to answer the door. 

I hadn't hidden in a lover's closet since I was 15 years old and his wife had come home two hours early. Of course, then I'd been defenseless, naked, and scared shitless that she'd kill me if she found me. Now I was just scared shitless that not only was I going to get caught and killed, but my lover was going to be right there with me. Stupid fuck! I wasn't sure who I was cursing more. Me or him.

I heard Fox identify himself as FBI then he came into the bedroom for his ID. When the police said they had a sketch to show him, I wondered how he'd be able to look at me and not deny that he knew who I was. To my relief, he told them about how he was also looking for me and goddammit if it wasn't just like me to be cocky enough to try and hide out right under his nose. I would have applauded his performance if it weren't for the fact that I had to be absolutely silent. It was bad enough that my heart was beating so loudly they'd find me for sure...

"Okay, they're gone." He opened the door and I fell into his arms. He stroked my hair and whispered comforting words into my ear as I tried to make myself calm down.

"Fox, I cannot let you put yourself on the line like this." 

He looked at me with such intensity that I thought I'd get lost in those eyes forever.

"I know what I'm doing. I'll do everything in my power to protect you."

I felt my eyes beginning to burn and fought to keep back the tears that threatened to break through the facade I'd been wearing for so long. I was afraid to speak in case I broke down completely. He must have read the unasked question in my eyes.

"I'm selfish. Now that I have you, I don't want to give you up to anybody."

I buried my face against his shoulder and held on for dear life. How could he possibly find me worthy enough to risk so much? I was afraid to ask him so I just let him make me feel safe in the knowledge that I'd never leave him again.

========end========= 

 

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Lying III: Cruel Inventions (Alternate Version 2)  
by Frankie  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Theirs.  
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex, rape, and violence.  
Summary: When Alex goes back to Fox, things will never be the same.  
Notes: This is the other Lying ending that came out of my head (with yet another Michael appearance), but I think it can stand on its own. Sue, as always, thank you for your help and encouragement. Any remaining mistakes (and there are bound to be some) are mine. I'd also like to thank those of you who wanted more.....you may be sorry.  
WARNING: This story has Mulder and Krycek doing some really bad things to someone else. If you don't want to see that, please don't read it and then email me telling me how much you hate it. Or do. I don't care. You've been warned.  
Feedback: Yeah, good or bad. I'm feeling brave tonight. 

* * *

Lying III: Cruel Inventions (Alternate Version 2)  
Part 1

I didn't feel like dying tonight, so I couldn't go home. My apartment was currently being remodeled courtesy of some nameless, faceless thugs, who had probably been ordered to shoot me the second I walked in the front door. I don't know what I'd done to piss off so many people, but I was used to being hunted. I silently thanked whatever force had seen fit for me to notice the lights on in my apartment and the shadows moving behind the thin curtains. Looks like I'd have to move again.

Where to go until I could head back and gather my minuscule belongings? The bars where I usually hung out held no appeal for me. Truth be told, all I wanted was to go back to him and beg his forgiveness for leaving him. It was such an unfamiliar feeling for me. I didn't give a shit about anyone and here I was worrying about what he thought of me and how could I make it up to him. I got lost in my thoughts as I wandered the streets, finally ending up in front of his building. Now what? Could I just go up there and act as if nothing had happened the last time I saw him? How the hell could I act like I hadn't told him I loved him then left him? Shit. Life had been so much easier before I started acting like a human being again. It had gotten me burned once before and now it was coming back to bite me in the ass.

I stared up at his window a few moments then crossed the street to the pay phone. There was always the chance that he wasn't home. Maybe I could just hide out for a few minutes and then leave. If I couldn't be with him, I could at least be around his things. Dialing the number I knew by heart, I counted the rings and waited for the machine to pick up so I could hear his voice.

"Mulder." Shit. Why the hell was he home?

"Hello?" He sounded tired and I wondered if I'd woken him up.

There was a lengthy pause but I didn't want to hang up until he did.

"Alex? Is that you?" How the hell did he do that? Now I couldn't hang up because he'd know for sure that it was me.

"Please say something."

I figured he could already hear my heart beating, he didn't need to hear my voice too.

"Who is this?" His voice was angry now. Finally he slammed the phone down. I kept the phone pressed to my ear. I could still feel him there.

After I hung up the phone, I stayed in the shadows, still watching his window. A few minutes later, I saw him come out the front door to his building. I had to stop myself from running to him and telling him that I was a fucking idiot. I was ready to slap the shit out of myself for feeling like such a sap. I managed to keep still and saw him head down the street. Now was my chance, I guess.

It didn't take me long to pick the lock. I knew I didn't have much time, but it would make me feel better just to spend a few moments here. I opened the door and walked in. I inhaled deeply....he'd just been breathing this air. I could smell him everywhere and feel him inside me. I didn't want to exhale, to let go. I went into his kitchen and found his tequila. I'm sure I'd have time for one little drink. I took a swig straight from the bottle and relaxed as the liquor warmed and comforted me, it's hot fingers spreading through my body. I took another quick drink and put the bottle away. I opened his fridge to see if he had anything good to eat. There are some things man wasn't meant to see and the inside of Fox Mulder's refrigerator was one of them. Shuddering, I walked into the bedroom and lay down with a groan. I was so tired and angry...and horny. Every breath I took filled my nostrils with his smell and I imagined him here with me, his lips on my throat, his hand traveling slowly down my chest, over my stomach, creeping lower until it trailed over my crotch. God, I wanted him. I wondered if he'd know I'd been here.

I opened my eyes at the sound of the front door opening. Fuck! I'd fallen asleep. I looked at my watch and saw that I'd been out for half an hour. I had no time to do anything but try to hide in his bedroom closet and hope he'd fall asleep on the couch, allowing me to slip out unseen. I couldn't let him see me after the way I left him. If I saw him and we started talking, I'd be lost again. I desperately wanted to touch him, hold him, make love to him, but I couldn't ruin his life by letting him love me.

I slipped into the closet and looked out the slightly open door. I heard the door close and was surprised to hear two voices.

"Wow, Fox, you have a nice place," a male voice said. I immediately tensed and felt my stomach turn. He wouldn't do that to me.

"Thanks," I heard Mulder grunt, noncommittally.

"Where's the bedroom?"

My heart lurched at hearing those words and I was sure I'd be sick. How the fuck could he say he loved me, then go and find someone else to share his bed? Fox, you piece of shit. Why did you forget about me so quickly?

"For someone who doesn't do a lot of this, you're pretty sure of yourself, Michael."

He'd picked up some shitfaced fucker in a bar and he knew his name? I could understand the anonymous fuck, and that's what made it so good --the anonymous part. Once you knew a name, there was some kind of intimacy present that wasn't there before to fuck things up. He knew his goddamn name! I still hadn't seen the little shit, but I was ready to shoot him. And Fox. He wasn't going to fuck me over anymore. My hand crept around to the back of my jeans where I kept my partner in crime and I touched it, running my fingers over its cool, hard assurance. Two bullets and I'd be outta here.

I pulled my gun out completely and held it in my steady hand. Soon I saw my two targets as they stumbled into the bedroom, both drunk and a little uneasy on their feet. When I saw the prick with Mulder, I couldn't believe my eyes. He looked like a smaller, younger, wussier version of me. It was all I could do to not burst out laughing at Mulder's shitty taste in men. For just a moment I wondered if that meant anything. Did he miss me? No, he wouldn't now that he had someone else to screw. I was out of the picture for good. My mouth was suddenly dry and it hurt when I tried to swallow. I'd have to do this fast and then get out of here.

I hesitated as I watched Mulder fall onto the bed and pull the other guy down with him. I felt my insides twist into knots at the sight of the man I'd confessed my love to, kissing someone else the way he kissed me. He'd said he loved me and here he was, ready to fuck some guy he'd just picked up. I guess romance really was dead.

I couldn't stop watching the way this Michael guy was all over my Fox. He was so hot for him and it was like watching myself kissing him, sucking and licking those lips. My groin started to throb with the familiar, painful ache of arousal as I looked at them on the bed. I felt a slight twinge of hope at the look on Mulder's face. It told me that he just wanted to fuck the guy and couldn't be bothered with anymore foreplay. I was shocked when Mulder pulled Michael off him, winding a fist in the kid's hair and yanking on it brutally. That sight made my cock twitch and I fell even more deeply in love with the man I was doing such a shitty job of forgetting. I could forgive him if he'd just do something to show me he didn't care about this loser. I almost came in my pants when Mulder forced Michael face down on the bed and started pulling the kid's pants down.

"What are you doing?" The kid's voice was whiny and scared. I was so tempted to go out there and shove my dick down his throat just to make him shut up.

"I think you can figure that out," Mulder said as he undid his jeans and released his erection. He fumbled through his pockets and took out a condom and some lube, applying both to his beautiful cock.

"Are you going to hurt me?" His voice shook. Mulder would never hurt him. Badly.

"What the fuck do you think?" Mulder sounded so angry and turned on as he spread the kid's legs. "Just keep quiet." He placed the head of his penis to Michael's asshole.

"Please, don't do this!" Michael whined. He tried to buck Mulder off him. "I don't want it like this."

"Sure you do. You wanted me so much just a second ago." Mulder's voice was hoarse with excitement. I wanted nothing more than to see him finish this. When he suddenly ripped into him, making him scream in pain at the intrusion, I lowered my free hand to the button of my jeans and undid them slowly. I slipped my hand inside and took a firm grasp of my hard, leaking cock. I watched Mulder as he viciously pumped in and out of the helpless kid underneath him and started to stroke my cock in rhythm with his movements. I tightened my grip and squeezed as I sensed Mulder growing closer and closer to orgasm. Soon Mulder's body shook and he screamed out as he climaxed at the same time I did. I had to bite down on my lip to stop from screaming his name. I wiped my hand off on my jeans and watched him as he leaned forward and stroked Michael's hair, murmuring something. I listened carefully and realized he was saying my name.

"Alex, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Don't leave me."

The kid was sobbing as he lay under him. What the hell was his problem? Wimp.

"My name's not Alex, you sick son of a bitch!" Michael struggled to free himself, but Mulder wasn't letting up. He just kept his eyes closed and started moving his hips against the kid's ass. He was still saying my name.

I felt myself getting hard again despite my recent orgasm. Hearing him say my name like that and seeing the way he was gently touching Michael, I wanted him so badly. I didn't give a shit about why I'd left him. Tonight he'd shown me that he was just as bad as I was. We were two sides of the same coin. I'd watched him rape a stranger and we'd both gotten off on it. I opened the door.

Michael saw me first. "God, no. Please! Just let me go! I won't tell anyone what he did."

Mulder opened his eyes and looked at the man beneath him, a puzzled expression on his face. He followed the kid's gaze until he saw me standing there, pants open, gun still in hand.

"Alex?" He sat up quickly.

I smiled, then aimed the gun at Michael and pulled the trigger. The hollow point made short work of his head.

Mulder jumped off the bed in shock. "What the hell did you do that for?" He reached down and put a hand on Michael's back. "I wasn't finished with him."

I shrugged. "I didn't want to take the chance that he'd talk. You've got your reputation to think about."

"Um, and you killing him *in* my apartment will help me how, exactly? What the fuck am I supposed to do about the body?"

That's what I loved about Fox. No one knew that he had a darker side than they could ever imagine. I could shoot a man in his apartment and he wouldn't be worried about what I'd done because of any moral standing. He just wanted to know what I'd do with the body.

"I'll take care of it." I looked at the blood and bits of brain and bone which had splattered all over his bed and part of the wall. "You should clean up." I said, pointing to a smear of blood on his arm.

He ignored what I said and instead stepped toward me, putting his arms around me. "Are you back for good?" He bent his head and slowly licked the side of my neck.

I sighed and put a hand on the back of his head, stroking his hair. I loved how soft it felt under my fingers. "Fox, I cannot stay here with you. There were some men at my apartment tonight. That's why I ended up coming here. I needed someplace to hide." I spoke quickly, afraid that I wouldn't get the cleanup finished if I let him distract me.

He looked at me. "That's the only reason?" Smiling, he moved his hand down to cup my ass and gave it a hard squeeze.

"Mmm, yeah. That's all. I had no desire to be around anything to do with you. I didn't want to smell you or feel you around me. I didn't need to just be in the same room with your things." I don't know why I felt the sudden need to ramble on about the way I felt about him. It was so unlike me and I was starting to get worried. I'd been too quick to let my guard down the last time we were together and I didn't want to make the same mistake again. As much as I loved him, he couldn't know the extent to which I'd go to have him and keep him safe.

"You---you wanted to be near me?" He sounded surprised and so vulnerable. I could almost forget this was the same man who until recently treated me without regard and who acted as if he didn't want anything to do with me.

"Yeah, but don't get too excited. Every once in a while I like to go someplace familiar. Doesn't mean that much."

The look in his eyes told me I'd hurt him and it felt like a punch in the gut. I didn't have time for that now. I had a body to clean up.

"Look," I removed myself from his embrace, "let me take care of your guest and then I'll be back." I turned to go when I felt him grab my arm and pull me to him again.

"Let me help you. I want to know what you do when you have to take care of things like this." His eyes were suddenly glazed over with excitement. I wondered if he was going to get off on the more sinister aspects of my life. My cock started to throb with the unspoken promise of hot sex in some alley next to a dumpster containing a dead body.....a body that had been put there by me and my lover...

"I don't know if I should compromise you like that. The less you know, the better."

A smile crept across his face and settled in. "Alex, my love, I just saw you shoot a man in the head at close range for no apparent reason. I know everything." He started kissing my neck. "Now, will you let me help you to get rid of him?" His hand slid down to rub the front of my jeans. I moved into his touch.

"Fox, you're an agent for the United States government. You're risking your job."

I gasped as he bit my neck. "Fuck my job." He grabbed my hardening cock and started to squeeze it. "Let's fuck."

Not one to pass up a golden opportunity, I started kissing him, thrusting my tongue into his receptive mouth. I could taste his arousal and excitement at what was transpiring and wondered if I should be concerned. I immediately dismissed that thought when he started sucking my tongue. Goddamn, if he wasn't the most distracting man I'd ever met. I moved my hand down and took hold of his dick, squeezing gently. He broke our kiss.

"Not here, " he whispered.

"Couch?" I asked, feeling a little lightheaded.

He shook his head and looked at his bed.

"What the fuck---"

He covered my mouth with his hand. "Come on, Alex. Let's fuck next to the guy you just killed. I've done it on a grave before, but never anything like this."

I must have looked horrified because he immediately backed off.

"I'm sorry."

"Fox, what's wrong with you?"

"I hate my job. I hate my life. I want something to make me forget everything. I want you to be with me forever. I want to fuck your brains out next to a dead man." He laughed. "I'm a sick fucker."

I thought about what had just been running through my head. I smiled when I realized that he was basically saying the same thing I'd been thinking. We were so much more alike than I think either of us knew.

"No, you're not." I stroked the side of his face. "Let's get his body out of here and then we'll see what happens."

He helped me to wrap the kid and all the blood soaked bed clothes in a comforter. Then we wiped down the wall and cleaned up any remaining blood. He'd probably have to buy a new mattress. I guess I could pay for it since it was my fault. After making sure that the apartment was clean, we took everything downstairs and put the bundle in his car. At this time of night, the few people on the streets were too drunk to notice two men carting a body shaped lump across the street and into the trunk of a car. I loved big cities.

Mulder drove us to a remote area of the city where people who valued their lives didn't go after dark. It was my kind of place. I was one of the reasons people didn't want to go there. I was what came out when the sun went down.

We drove into an alley and found a dumpster. We unloaded the body and with an easy heave ho, the problem was solved. To make sure there wouldn't be any trace evidence left behind, I doused the body with gasoline. I'd light it up after Fox and I had our fun.

I turned to him. "Gee, Mulder, will you still respect me in the morning?"

"Oh, yeah," he grinned. "I love you, Alex. And I'll love you even more if we do something to make me remember this night."

"Oh, the fact that you're an accessory to first degree murder isn't memorable enough?"

"Shut up." His voice was playful but his eyes were all business. The darkness swirling around them almost scared me. I'd never loved anyone as much as I loved him at that very moment. He shoved my back against the dirty wall of the alley and his hand slid down, stroking my already hard dick. I'd dreamt of his touch ever since I'd left him and as he held me, I knew I belonged with him.

"Fox, I--"

He put a finger to my lips then got on his knees and gently nuzzled my erection. "Don't ever leave me again." The sound of his voice and the softness of his lips as they softly kissed the head, made me surrender.

"I love you so much right now, Fox." I stroked his hair and he went down on me completely. I groaned and started to move my hips, my dick sliding in and out of his hot, wet mouth. God, the way my body reacted to him was amazing. He moved his hands around to my ass, holding on as I continued to fuck his mouth. The feel of his tongue as it flicked across the underside of my cock made everything that had happened tonight worth it. I already felt my orgasm building and threatening to end this before I could do what I wanted to him. As if reading my mind, he released me from his mouth and looked up at me. He ran his hands up and down my thighs and stood up slowly.

"Fuck me, Alex." He slid his tongue over my bottom lip and teeth as he spoke.

I reached down and undid his jeans, taking out his rock hard cock. "You've been a bad boy tonight," I whispered. "At least I've never raped anyone before."

He smiled. "Yeah, just murder for you, huh?"

"Uh huh. Now face the wall."

He moved quickly. I yanked his jeans down and reached a hand around to grab his dick. I covered my fingers with the come leaking from the head, then spread the cheeks of his ass, pushing my finger into his hot, tight opening. "How do you want it?" I asked, moving my finger around inside his heat.

"Any way you want to give it to me. Just do it."

I couldn't wait a minute longer and plunged into him the same way he had the poor bastard who was now so much garbage.

"Aaahh.....Alex!" He cried out, but it wasn't in pain. I pulled out slowly then thrust back into him. He started begging me to fuck him faster and soon I was pumping so hard I was afraid I'd fuck him right through the wall.

"You like it rough, don't you, Fox?" I could barely speak as I my cock moved in and out of his tight ass. He nodded and I felt his muscles clenching around my cock. "I missed fucking you." I buried my face in his hair as I felt an orgasm shoot through his body.

"Alex! Fuck....I love you....."

"Shit....I can't.....Fox!" My cock pumped into him one more time before my climax ripped through me like a knife. My body convulsed as I shot my come deep inside him. I pulled out of him and held him closer against me.

"I love you, Fox." I kissed his sweaty neck, biting him gently.

He moved his hand around to grab the back of my neck and push my mouth and teeth harder against his neck. "Why did you leave me?"

My heart sank at the pitiful sound of his voice. "I told you why in my note."

"That would never happen. I would never look at you and regret what I'd done."

"I know that now." I turned him around. "I finally know that you could never judge me for being who I am."

He put his hands on my face. "But will you judge me?"

"Never." I put my hands on his hips and he pulled my head toward him for a kiss. Our lips had barely touched when I heard sirens in the distance. "We should get going." He nodded.

"So," he said, refastening his jeans and adjusting himself, "what does this mean?"

I frowned at him as I zipped up. "Hmm, I guess you're stuck with me. You make a hell of an accomplice, you know that?"

"You have no idea. Now," he said, looking at the dumpster, "where are your matches?"

I dug through my jacket pocket and handed him a Strike Anywhere. He walked over to the dumpster, lit the match off his zipper, then calmly tossed it onto the gasoline soaked bedclothes. With a whoosh, the kid's body was soon engulfed in flames. I wasn't too worried about the fire being called in. Around here, no one gave a shit about anything that happened outside their homes, so it would have a good long time to burn.

"You ready to go home?" Fox's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I nodded. "Yeah. Let's go."

We got into the car and he turned the key to start the engine. Before he put the car in gear, I took his hand and brought it to my lips. Staring at him, I kissed the back of his hand then placed it back on the gearshift. His face lit up and I knew I'd done the right thing.

The End of Part 1

* * *

Disclaimer: Hey, Chris. You look great! Have you lost weight? Or maybe you've done something with your hair...Okay, so ass kissing will never make them mine. Damn.  
Rating/Pairing: NC-17 for m/m sex. M/K  
Spoilers: None.  
Series: Lying  
Archive: Yes  
Summary: Krycek and Mulder have to deal with the consequences of their actions...or do they?  
Notes: WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This is the sequel to an alternate part I wrote for my Lying series (Cruel Inventions). It features Psycho!Mulder and some of you may be uncomfortable seeing him portrayed this way. I urge you to heed my warning if the idea of Mulder being a total loon squicks you in any way. It might help to read "Cruel Inventions", but this can probably stand alone. CI can be found here: http://www.squidge.org/terma/frankie/lying.htm  
Also, I go to the XF school of medicine. Enough said.  
Thanks: Lucy and Sue for righteous beta. Ori and Sarah for giving it a looksee and being so encouraging. Gracias ladies!  
Feedback: If you find a second to drop me a line, it would be most appreciated.  


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Lying III: Cruel Inventions (Alternate Version 2)  
Part 2

"Agent Mulder, they've found another body."

I'm barely awake when I get the phone call telling me what I already know. I know we hadn't been as careful this time, and it's no surprise it was found so quickly.

I listen to the drone of the police officer's voice as she gives me the location of the latest victim. There's no need for me to write it down since I know fully well where it is.

"Okay, I'm on my way."

After I hang up the phone, I look at the man lying next to me. His face is relaxed, and any indication of the type of life he leads is absent.

He's let his hair grow out and an errant lock has fallen across his forehead.

I'm amazed at the wave of love that washes over me every time I see him looking so harmless and contented. When he left me, I thought I was going to die. I hate how desperate and pathetic that sounds, but he left me with no hope for my future. I hated him for reducing me to such a needy shell of a man, and for making me yearn for him so much that I completely lost myself.

Going to bars and picking up strangers had never appealed to me, but that's all I did when I realized he wasn't coming back to me. I know now that I was searching for someone to replace him and when I wasn't satisfied, I'd take it out on some innocent stranger. I'm convinced the only reason my abuse was never reported was because I had developed an ability to sweet talk my victims. I suppose Alex has had more of an influence on my behavior than I'd thought.

Alex stirs in his sleep and his brow is temporarily wrinkled in a childish frown. I kiss his forehead, half hoping he'll wake up and make love to me before I leave to investigate the case for which I already have all the answers. His frown disappears but he does not awaken, causing a little knot of disappointment in my stomach. Sighing, I get up and go to take a shower.

As I lather myself using the sweet-smelling soap that Alex favors, I attempt to assess my current state of mind. It's a rather useless exercise as I'm in no position to judge myself either emotionally or ethically. I'm not even sure that I can trust my judgment of others at this point. Scully seems to have distanced herself from me since Alex came back into my life. It's not that she knows about him; no one does. I have the impression that she can see into my head and has discovered my secret, but is waiting for the time when it would be best to reveal it to me. I have no interest in the few friends I have; all I can think about is Alex. He's in my life, and I want nothing to do with anyone else. From the way he never seems to leave my side, I can only hope that he feels the same way about me. We don't need anyone or anything besides each other.

In all the years I've worked for the FBI, I have longed to understand the fine line between sanity and madness; to know what it is that makes someone disregard all the rules of what constitutes humane behavior in exchange for a world where human life means next to nothing. The night Alex came back to me, I felt myself step closer to the edge of that chasm when I saw him kill out of jealousy. The part of me that should have been outraged, or at least shocked, didn't exist that night. I remember feeling excitement, gratitude and love... mall the things I know I shouldn't have felt. Or, I should say, all the things I wouldn't have felt if I didn't love the man committing the crime.

Since that night, Alex has killed in my presence and I've been with him when he disposes of the bodies. We've also gone on to have fantastic sex due to the rush of adrenaline and the thrill of getting caught. I've lost my moral compass and as long as I'm with Alex, I don't want to find it again.

When the Bureau became involved in a rash of killings around the DC area, I requested the case so I could keep tabs on what was being learned about the killer or killers. I will be there to ensure that any incriminating evidence does not see the light of day or is conveniently lost. If anyone should ask me why I've turned my back on the law, my answer would be that I haven't.

I've simply chosen to protect and be with my lover. Once, Alex asked me why I was no longer a boy scout and I laughed at him. I told him I could not count the number of times I'd been close to giving it all up in order to be true to myself, and that if it weren't for this fruitless search for my sister, I may not have ever gone into law enforcement. He asked if that was why I was a profiler. I said that perhaps I had an innate understanding of the criminal mind as opposed to merely being a good student. We haven't talked about it since.

I step out of the shower and quickly towel off. If I'm going to get to the crime scene in a timely fashion, I really need to get moving. I walk into the bedroom and see that Alex is awake, his eyes nailing me to the spot.

"Where are you going? It's only six." The question doesn't surprise me and the tone excites me. Anyone else hearing it would most likely be frightened.

"They found the body. I need to go to the scene." I walk toward the bed and Alex sits up, patting the space beside him. I sit down.

"You're a wonder, Fox. Why are you still doing this?"

"You ask me that every time I go to work."

"And you tell me it's because you love me." He pauses and looks at me as if he's struggling to say something else.

"What is it?"

"How do I know it's not because you'll be implicated in the murders and you're covering your own ass?"

This is the first time he's ever put forth a theory to explain my actions, and it hurts to hear. He not only sounds like he believes his own words, but almost as if he wants me to confirm them. I don't want to say anything I'll regret so I stand up and go to my closet to pick out a suit.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" Anyone listening would think he was being gentle in his inquiry. I know better.

I ignore him and continue getting dressed.

"Fox, I don't want to pick a fight with you. Turn around."

I comply and see him sitting on the edge of the bed, the sheet barely clinging to his waist. As angry as I'm feeling, I want to crawl back into bed with him and forget about trying to cover our tracks. Let the world go to hell and take us with it. All I need is the man before me, his dark eyes seeing deeper inside me than even I can.

"You have a funny way of not picking a fight, Alex. How the hell could you think that? I tell you all the time that I love you. You're the one who would take off and leave me holding the bag."

I immediately regret what I've said when I see the look on his face.

In the past, it's been followed by either a slamming door or a slap. This time he does neither.

"Go to work. We both need to cool down." He gives me a peck on the cheek as he passes me to go into the bathroom. I'm surprised by the gesture, and from the way he pauses, I can tell he is too.

I arrive in the alley where the latest body has been found and see a few local police and Scully. She's leaning over the body, a latex-covered hand pointing at the bullet wound to the victim's head. I cannot imagine what she would do to me if I told her the murder weapon is safely hidden in a gun safe in my bedroom closet.

"What've we got, Scully?"

I feign interest and concern as she relates the evidence so far. She arrived only ten minutes before I did and has not had much of a chance to scour the scene. I ask her what she thinks so far.

"I don't know, Mulder." She stands up. "It looks like the same caliber weapon may have been used as with the other victims. The entry and exit wounds are similar. The shot was at close range and we found a shell casing that seems to match the one we found with the last body. Hopefully, this one won't get lost on the way to forensics." I nod, noncommittally, picturing the casing I took at home in the safe with the gun. We had been careless again.

"So, you think it's the same killer?"

"Well, I don't know. The other bodies were placed in dumpsters after death, soaked in gasoline and burned. I don't understand why we got the call for this one."

"Last night I called and asked that any single gunshot wounds to the head be directed to us."

"Why?"

Alex had been sent out to kill one of his former partners. He told me the guy had been getting drunk and talking to the wrong people. I had gone along to watch from the shadows wanting to see, once more, as Alex took a life, probably in the same way he'd taken my father's. My eyes wander to the wall where I'd fucked Alex after the kill and I feel a warm stirring in my groin at the memory. I hope I can get out of here before my arousal become evident and am grateful for the coat I am wearing. It's a cold morning, so it does not seem suspect when I pull it tighter around me.

"Mulder, did you hear me?"

I look at my partner. "No, I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"I asked why you wanted to be notified."

Because after we had sex, Alex and I had realized we didn't have everything with us to finish the job. He had come as close to panicking as I'd ever seen, but I told him I'd take care of everything. "Call it a late night hunch. Maybe the killer didn't have time to complete his usual MO."

"So you think this is the same guy?"

I notice one of the police officers is talking to a man who seems very agitated and is gesturing at the dead man. "Could be. I'll be right back, Scully." I walk over to them.

"Is there a problem here?"

The frustrated policeman looks at me, the gratitude evident on his face.

"This man says he knows who killed the victim."

There's a moment of panic as I realize for the first time that there could be witnesses. Why the hell weren't we more careful? I reassure myself that Alex and I can take care of this if necessary.

After thanking and dismissing the officer, I turn to the witness.

"I'm Agent Mulder with the FBI. What is your name, sir?"

"Harold Turner." He's an older man, I'd guess in his late sixties, and he looks relieved that someone is finally listening to him.

"Did you see the murder take place, Mr. Turner?"

"You bet I did. I live up there." He points to a third story window facing the alley. "I have trouble sleeping sometimes so I like to sit by the window and watch what happens."

"And what time were you up last night?"

"I'd gotten up at about midnight to get some water and couldn't get back to sleep. I watched some TV and thought I heard a noise in the alley."

"You heard this noise over the volume of the TV?"

"I had the sound down low."

I nod my head. "Okay, what kind of noise did you hear?"

"It sounded like people arguing so I turned off the set and went to the window to see what was going on."

When Alex had found the intended victim and led him into the alley, it was obvious that the man had been drinking. I was afraid that his shouts would be heard by neighbors but knew it was more than likely they'd be ignored.

Alex had pulled his gun and the shouting had turned to pleading then finally to silence when Alex pulled the trigger.

"What did you see, Mr. Turner?"

"There were two guys and it looked like they were arguing about something.

Then one of them pulled out a gun and shot the other one right between the eyes." He points his index finger at his forehead and mimes shooting himself in the head.

"What time did this take place?"

"It was 12:22 according to my clock." There's a discernible look of pride on his face at his diligence.

I nod again. He's right on the money. Thankful for my characteristically inexpressive face, I ask him to continue.

"I saw the guy who did it. Got a real good look at him."

"I thought you lived on the third floor." I'm careful to keep my voice as even as possible.

"I do, but I always have my binoculars handy."

I look up at his window, then across the alley at the building opposite.

"You don't happen to use those binoculars at any other times for less noble reasons, do you, Mr. Turner?"

He looks slightly flustered. "Of course not! I-I, um..."

I let him sputter before letting him off the hook. "Sir, at this point, I don't care if you're peering into your neighbor's windows every night hoping to catch a glimpse of something titillating. Why didn't you call the police and tell them what you saw?"

"I was going to, but that's when it got really weird."

"How so?" I'm dreading his answer.

"After the man with the gun shot that other guy, a third guy showed up."

I tense my jaw and have to force myself to relax it. "Did you get a look at him?"

He shakes his head. "All I could see was the back of him. He never turned around. He was about as tall as the guy with the gun and had dark hair like him, too."

I call over the officer who had initially spoken to the witness. "Mr. Turner, I want you to give your address and phone number to Officer Shaw here, and I'll be in touch."

"Don't you want me to give you a description of the killer?"

Shaw looks at me. "He really saw who did it?"

"Yes, he did." I move so my face is only visible to the officer and roll my eyes. "I'm going to arrange to have him talk to a Bureau sketch artist so we can get this guy."

"Yes, sir." I notice Shaw suppresses a smirk, but good old Harold is oblivious. His face is beaming and I can tell he's taken with the chance at staying in the spotlight. I excuse myself and find Scully again.

"What was that all about?" she asks in her usual manner.

"He says he saw what happened."

"Really? What did he have to say?"

"He lives on the third floor of that building," I indicate the window of Harold's apartment, "and claims he got a good look at the guy who did it."

"Well, unless he had binoculars or a telescope, it doesn't seem very likely that he could make a positive ID." Bless Scully for not making me spell it out for her.

"Exactly. Says he doesn't own anything like that, but I told him I'd contact him later to finish the interview."

She frowns. "Why?"

"He did say he heard something, so maybe we can get a name or even an exact time of death from him."

"The autopsy should be able to help us pinpoint the time of death, Mulder."

I try to think of something less obvious to say in order to explain why I still want to see Harold. "Okay, you got me, Scully. Look at him," I say, pointing at the frail figure as he walks to the back entrance of his apartment building. "He probably doesn't have any family, lives alone and wants to feel useful. I said I'd show up later with a sketch artist so he can describe the killer." I grin, shyly. "He reminds me of a great-uncle I knew as a kid."

Scully flashes one of her rare smiles. "Mulder, you're a softie. I had no idea."

Shrugging, I nod my head. "Yeah, I guess I am. I think that tomorrow I'll borrow someone for a few minutes and go to see him and let him feel as if he's helping out. Who knows? Maybe he will end up being useful."

She puts her hand on my arm. "Don't get your hopes up, okay?"

I put my hand over hers. "I won't. I've got to go, but I'll catch up with you later."

"Where are you going?"

"The witness may not have gotten a good look at the killer, but he said it looked like the victim was drunk. He'd seen the two men coming from the direction of a local hangout so I'm going there to see if anyone saw anything unusual."

"It's kind of early, isn't it?"

"Sure, but maybe I'll get lucky."

"You want me to go with you?"

I shake my head. "I was hoping you could supervise the autopsy just to make sure nothing's missed. You're the only one I can really count on to not screw things up. If you find anything unusual, let me know."

"I've got you on speed dial." She smiles again and for a moment I almost feel guilty about what I'm doing. Almost.

I expect to have to wake Alex up when I get home, but the minute I walk in the door, there are signs of life. The smell of coffee fills the air and I can hear the television reporting news of the latest skirmish involving American troops. Before going into the living room, I make a stop in the kitchen. Steaming cup in hand, I join Alex on the couch.

"You're back soon." He doesn't look away from the flickering images on the TV set. His arms are crossed in front of him and I can tell I'll have to do some damage control in order to make him come around.

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

Taking a cautious sip, I choose my words with care. "The body was found."

"I know." Alex is staring at a commercial for laundry detergent as if it's the most riveting piece of cinema he's ever seen. "You told me already."

"Scully wondered why we were called in for this case since it wasn't like the others." I put the coffee down on the table and sit back. "I told her I had a hunch that the killer may change his MO."

"Now you're psychic? That should impress Scully.

Ignoring his remark, I continue. "We forgot to get the casing.

"So you'll lose it again."

"Alex," I put my hand on his knee and he looks down at it as if a UFO has landed on his leg. "There's a witness. He saw you."

I don't know if I expect him to jump up and start ranting and raving like a lunatic, but it would be preferable to the silence that meets my statement.

"Alex, did you hear what I sa-"

He looks at me, eyes narrowed. "I heard you." I haven't heard his voice so cold before and the look on his face sends a shiver down my spine.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know what you're going to do, but I can always leave."

He may as well have shot me in the gut. The words I never thought I'd hear were being spoken. "What?"

"You can do your little investigation and hope you're never tied to the crimes. I can take off and protect myself."

I fight back the sting of tears as I finally realize what he intends to do.

"Alex, you can't leave."

"Why not? I've done it before." He smiles, wryly. "You remember, don't you, Fox? Remember how pitiful you said your life was because I walked out on you?" I nod and he leans in, his lips grazing mine. "I can do it again," he whispers before kissing me briefly.

Before he can pull away, I grab the back of his head and kiss him forcefully.

He fights me and I feel his teeth bite my bottom lip, then taste the warm salty copper of my own blood.

"You son of a bitch!" I wipe my mouth and show him my blood stained fingers.

"Look what you did."

He's smiling at me. "Good. Now you'll have something to remember me by."

As he gets up to leave me, I can't see myself living without him. He needs to stay with me.

"You're not leaving." My voice cracks and he turns around, laughing at me.

"Really? You don't have the guts to stop me."

"Is that a challenge?"

"You can call it whatever the hell you want. You've never tried before, so why the fuck would you start now?" He turns his back on me and starts towards the bedroom. Before he's taken two steps, I'm off the couch and tackling him, slamming him to the floor. The wind gets knocked out of him and it gives me the advantage.

"Get off me..." He starts to struggle as I attempt to hold him down.

I have his arms pinned above his head but he starts to buck his hips underneath me, grinding our crotches together with every move. I can feel his erection, hard and demanding, trying to burst through his jeans and my body answers in kind. My coat is getting in the way and all I want to do is fuck him into oblivion until he tells me he's never going to leave me again. There's no way for me to shed the burdensome garment without freeing him and I can't allow that to happen, can't take that chance. A voice in my head reminds me that I have not only a pair of handcuffs on me, but a loaded weapon, and I should use them.

"Don't fight me, Alex." I stare down into muddy, hate-filled eyes and wonder why this is happening to me. Why is he doing this to me? As his squirming becomes less frenetic and more deliberate, the look in his eyes changes to one of studied seduction and I know there's no way I'm going to get out of this the way I'd planned. He'll make me fuck him and he'll still leave me.

I know his game and I won't let him do this to me again. All I want is an answer.

"Why, Alex?" I grunt the question, sounding like some desperate animal. I don't like it. I don't like what he's done to me and I know that if I let him go, I'll still need him to pay for it. I love him so much but I can't let him do this again. If he goes, I can't live and if I can't live, neither can he.

"You fucked up, Fox. I told you to have everything ready, but you didn't.

You needed the extra thrill. Guess what? I'm not going to stick around and pay for your fuckups." His voice never rises above a whisper, but it stabs me through the heart.

"I'm sorry, Alex. It's my fault, but that doesn't mean you can leave me." I move one hand around quickly to grab my gun and pull it out, pointing it at his temple. He chuckles and stops moving.

"You're going to kill me now? I didn't think you were that much of a cliche, Fox."

I don't respond to his question, but push my gun against his head.

"Take out my cuffs."

"I don't feel like playing right now."

The butt of my gun hits him across the cheek. He shouldn't make me hurt him like this because I don't like it. I want to make him feel good, but he isn't making it easy.

"Take them out and put them on your wrists."

His eyes are filled with hate as he reaches inside my jacket and finds the pouch containing my handcuffs. He takes them out and clicks one onto his wrist. I sit up, still straddling his hips and fasten the other wrist.

I'm aware of the fact that he could strike me and send me flying back, gun or not, but I watch for any sudden moves and am prepared to shoot if necessary.

"Fox, you don't need to do this."

"Shut up. You said you were leaving me and I won't let that happen."

I'm amazed to see him roll his eyes. "Is that supposed to frighten me?" He raises his cuffed hands. "Do you really want me to stay like this?

Don't you have any pride?"

For some unknown reason, his words get to me and it bothers me that I'm suddenly acting like some crazed fool. He's a grown man. If he wants to leave me, there's nothing I can do to stop him. I'll let him go. I reach into my pocket for the key to the cuffs and unlock them.

"There you go. You can l-"

The punch takes me by surprise and I'm still seeing stars when I feel him grab me by my collar and shake me. I have no idea where my gun went but neither of us has it.

"You stupid fuck! What the hell makes you think you can do anything to control me? Huh?" He slaps me this time and my face burns from the pain and the shame of what I've done to him.

"Alex, I-"

Another slap and I stop talking. He's not ready to listen to me yet. I taste blood and realize that he's reopened the cut on my lip where he'd kissed me earlier.

"Dammit, Fox. Now you're bleeding again." He lowers his head and licks away the blood in a gentle, loving gesture before getting up and pulling me with him. As I look into his face, a bruise forming on his cheek, a drop of my blood on his lip, I want him so badly I'm convinced I'll die if he doesn't fuck me. My cock is aching with need and when I close the space between us,

I feel his erection teasing me through our clothes. This time I'm the one who gyrates my hips in an attempt to convey to him how much I want this. He groans softly and spins me around, pulling my arm behind my back. The familiarity of the maneuver comforts me and I push back against him, feeling his cock against my backside. I continue rubbing against him like some deranged animal, never voicing my need but whimpering as he increases the pressure on my arm. Soon, I feel him moving against me, mimicking fucking me, his hips thrusting against my ass. I'm sure that if I turn around I would see the front of his jeans pulled tightly against his dick...if I unzipped them, he'd be so wet it wouldn't take much to make him come.

"Do it, Alex."

He doesn't answer me but pushes me toward the couch, throwing me face down onto the soft leather. His knee is in my back now and he has released my arm. I leave it behind me though, enjoying the painful burning in my shoulder. Without ceremony, he reaches under me to undo my trousers and yanks them down over my aching cock, exposing my ass to him. I hear him slide his zipper down and I almost come from the sound alone. Soon he'll be pushing into me, sliding in and out of my ass, fucking me into the couch until I can't take it anymore and come, screaming his name. His hands are rough as he raises my hips and spreads my legs. A painful tug on my balls and I scream but not from pain. It's frustration that he won't give me what I want, what I know he wants too. Finally I feel a finger teasing my asshole and I push back, needing some part of him inside me. When he begins fucking me with his finger, I moan and bite down on the cushion pressed to my face

"You like that, slut? You want my cock inside you?"

I nod my head frantically, too much in need to speak.

"Too bad." I feel a stinging slap on my ass and then cool air against my naked skin as he gets off me.

I turn my head to look at him. "What the fuck is this?"

He grins. "Fox, don't you ever get tired of doing this? We need to come up with some other scenario besides me threatening to leave and you trying to stop me then me fighting back." A dramatic sigh. "I almost think you believe it, you know."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. "You fucker, I don't care what we do from now on, just get your dick in my ass." I fail to mention that he's so convincing, sometimes I do believe he'll leave me. Today I've even given him a real reason to go. I banish the thought from my mind. "Do it."

He shrugs and moves back behind me. I feel the cold bite of lube against my asshole as he quickly preps me. At this point I feel as if I could get fucked by a telephone pole, I just want him inside me. He places the tip of his cock against my asshole and spreads my still stinging ass cheeks apart.

I bite my lip as he pushes into me, his cock hard and hot as it assaults me.

He soon establishes a rhythm and I push back to meet every thrust trying to make him bury himself inside me. I close my eyes when he starts moving his hips in a circular motion, stretching me until I want to cry out and tell him to stop...It feels so good, I can't stop my body from ending it and I come all over the cushion and the hem of my shirt. He doesn't last much longer as my body continues to shudder and I clench my ass muscles around him.

"Ahhh... Fox..." one more erratic thrust and I feel his come as it pumps into me, filling me with more of himself than he can know. Every time he fucks me I feel as if another part of myself is lost and replaced with him. He slumps lazily against my back and I feel him stroking the side of my face.

He's murmuring sweet words into my ear, but I don't understand them.

"What are you saying?"

"I love you. I want to stay like this forever." He kisses my ear.

"I'm sorry about your lip."

"It's okay," I say, running my tongue over the small cut. "I... I didn't mean to hit you with the gun. I got carried away."

"It's all right," he murmurs, nuzzling the back of my neck. I shudder when he kisses me softly. "I like you out of control."

"Alex, there's something wrong with me." The words surprise me as they tumble out of my mouth.

"What is it?" I don't need to see his face to see the panic there. He turns me over and his eyes are darting quickly over my face, searching for an answer. "Are you sick?"

I nod slowly and his eyes widen in shock.

"Fox, what is it? Have you been to the doctor?"

"It's nothing like that."

His brow creases and I want desperately to kiss the little ridge that appears between his eyes, just above his nose.

"Then what is it?"

"I'm in love with you. Can you think of anything more sick than that?"

I'd meant to say it in a more teasing way than I did and for a second I see that I've really hurt him. Even though we both declare our love for each other on a regular basis, he so rarely shows me what he's feeling. I feel a sick sense of victory because I've made him reveal some sort of deeply felt emotion that goes beyond what he says to me.

"Alex, I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. It's okay." He gets up and puts out a hand to help me up.

"I can't say that I disagree."

I stand up and roughly fix my clothes. "Don't say that, Alex."

"Why not? I know that deep down you're only with me because I'm who you wish you could be."

My throat is suddenly dry and I want to protest. The only problem is, he's right.

"Alex, that's not true. You know that."

His crooked grin and disbelieving snort tells me exactly what he thinks of that statement. "Spare me, Fox."

I have no response and know that there's nothing I can say to make him believe what I want him to believe. He stares at me defiantly, daring me to open my mouth. I silently hold his gaze, equally defiant.

The shrill ring of my cell phone breaks the tense silence hanging in the air.

Still looking at Alex, I take it out of my pocket and answer it.

"Mulder."

"Mulder, it's me." Scully sounds excited and I wonder what exactly turned up in the autopsy. "We may soon have a suspect."

I swallow hard. "What did you come up with?"

"Well, our witness came back down to talk to us after you left. He said he never got a chance to tell you the really important stuff and wanted us to catch it before we packed up for the day. His words, not mine. I remembered what you said about him not really being any help, but I decided to humor him."

"What did he tell you?"

"He said that after the victim was shot, a third man came out of the shadows and that he and the killer commenced to have sex in the alley."

"And how does that help?" I know the answer and curse myself for not completing the interview. I should have listened to him when he said that something happened after the murder.

"Apparently they performed the act against the wall of the alley and when he showed us where, sure enough we found semen on the bricks. We took some samples and they're looking for possible DNA matches in the criminal database."

I break Alex's gaze and turn my back on him. I had fucked him and it was his semen on the wall. It's only a matter of time before they come up with his name. "Well, that's great, Scully."

"You don't sound too pleased about this."

"I'm just not sure how reliable our witness is."

"Mulder, he said that he saw the murder then showed us the exact spot where the killer and his lover had sex. We're also checking for any physical evidence which may lead to finding the lover so we can get him as an accessory."

Alex puts a hand on my shoulder, but I can't turn around. I cannot face him knowing that I've failed him.

"Scully, let me know the minute you find out anything."

"Aren't you coming in?"

"I still have some loose ends to wrap up here."

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

I hang up the phone and slowly turn around. Alex's eyebrows are raised in silent inquiry and I don't know how to tell him I've fucked up once again.

"Fox, what is it?" he asks finally.

"They have some more evidence."

"What is it? I'm sure you can get it."

I shake my head. "It's already at the lab." I go to sit down on the couch and Alex follows me.

"Tell me what it is."

I look at him to gauge what he's feeling. As usual, he's not revealing anything to me and I can only imagine what his reaction will be to the news.

"They have your DNA."

He looks a little shocked, then frowns. "How'd that happen?" The calmness of his question makes me do a double take.

"Aren't you worried?"

"Just tell me," he snaps.

"The witness saw us have sex after you killed the guy. Your semen was on the wall and they found it."

"I knew you should have been bottom." He actually laughs and I wonder if he understands the enormity of the situation.

"Alex, this isn't funny. They have physical evidence linking you to the crime."

"Fox, you don't think that's happened to me before? I've always managed to take care of it. How the hell do you think I've stayed out of prison this long?"

"So what do we do?"

"We kill the witness."

I think about it. It's so obvious. If there's no witness to confirm that the murderer and Alex are the same person, all the authorities have is evidence that Alex gets fucked in alleys. In my panic over what I'd done, or failed to do, I didn't even think about it.

"I have his address, when do you want to go?"

"Let me shower and get dressed."

"Let me join you."

We don't talk as we drive to Harold's apartment. We decided that Alex would pose as an agent so he is wearing a suit I'd bought him. At the time he thought I was being stupid, but I knew I'd get him to wear it eventually. I can't stop looking at him as he sits next to me. This is not the same rookie, virgin Alex look that I first came into contact with. The man sitting next to me is dressed in a dark grey, tailored designer suit and looks every inch the savvy professional. His hair is slicked back and he is exuding so much sex I want to stop the car and fuck him blind. He finally breaks the silence.

"What are you staring at?"

"You."

"Obviously. Do I look ridiculous?"

I grin as I quickly look at him then back to the road. "Hardly. I was thinking about how much I'd like to fuck you in the back seat."

"You could always just pull over and suck my dick. This way I won't get too wrinkled." The wicked smile on his face distracts me almost as much as what he said and I have to remember to look ahead of me so we don't end up crashing into anything.

"Dammit, Alex. Why do you say things like that?"

"Because I know you like to hear them." His hand is on my thigh and I feel a pleasant albeit inconvenient stirring in my crotch. The bastard always does this to me. That's why I love him.

"I may take you up on it later."

He moves his hand down to the inside of my thigh, his fingers inches from my steadily hardening cock. "Why wait?"

"Alex..."

"What?" His hand gives my leg a squeeze then moves so it rests on my crotch.

"From the feel of things, maybe I should do you."

"Not while I'm driving. And I'm not a young man anymore. You're going to kill me."

"Fox, you're an excellent driver and you're only as young as you feel." He starts massaging my cock through the too thin material of my trousers sending chills through me as I try to get my mind on something else.

"Alex, stop it. I'm gonna have to pull over if you keep this up."

"No you won't. I trust you not to kill us." He moves his other hand over to my lap and unfastens my pants. As he slides the zipper down, I see the evil look on his face. When his hand touches my sensitive skin, I inhale sharply.

"You like that." He removes his hand and opens my glove compartment taking out a well used tube of lube.

"Alex, I'm serious."

"So am I," he says sternly, squeezing some of the gel onto his fingers.

"Keep your eyes on the road." There's an edge to his voice that always elicits the same response from my body. I know he's going to do what he wants so I might as well go along with it.

"At least let me pull over somewhere." My voice goes up on the last word as he slips his slicked hand inside my pants and grasps my erection. He chuckles at the effect he's having on me.

"I think this is fine. You concentrate on driving and I'll do the rest." I feel his hand begin slowly moving up and down the length of my cock and I start to move my hips in time with the rhythm he's established. He stops.

"Sit still or I'm going to leave you like this."

"Okay."

He resumes the infuriatingly slow strokes and my teeth are clenched as I force my body to stay still.

"Fox, you're starting to breathe a little faster. Are you okay?"

I don't bother looking at him just in case he decides to stop.

"I think this may be too much for you. You're right. We can do this later."

"Keep your fucking hand where it is or I cut it off." I speak before I can censor myself. It's so hard to tell how Alex will react when I contradict him. At times he gets angry and finds another way to deal with me, at others, he tells me how much he loves me and does his best to give me what I've been wanting.

"Watch it, Fox." My stomach clenches until I hear him laugh. "You're starting to sound like me." If only he knew how much like him I am becoming.

I start to tell him that I want to be him, but he squeezes my cock and I lose my ability to speak. Soon, he is squeezing and pulling the turgid flesh and I know I'm going to come all over my clothes. I hope that he has something I can come into, but I don't dare ask.

"Come on, Fox. We're going to be there soon, aren't we?" His voice is so close to my ear, I know that if I turn my head, I'll be able to kiss him.

The strong grip he has on me tightens further and he quickens the pace and I start moaning as he laughs. Hot, quick bursts of air flow against my ear as he presses his forehead to my temple. "I love you, Fox.

"Alex...ohh...god..." I cry out as an orgasm rips through my body. I grip the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles turn white, but I keep my eyes on the road. Alex kisses my cheek and takes his hand out of my pants. I feel him reach into my inside coat pocket and pull out my handkerchief.

"Wasn't that easy, babe?" I glance at him as he wipes his hand and cleans me up. "I love doing that to you."

"I know you do."

He strokes the side of my face with his fingers, sliding them over to gently brush against my lips. I kiss his fingertips.

"I don't want you to forget how I make you feel, Fox," he says, playing with my bottom lip.

I take his hand and kiss it, my eyes never leaving the road. "I don't think that would ever happen." I squeeze his hand. "I know that will never happen."

We pull up in front of the apartment building and I tell Alex to come up in five minutes and to make sure no one sees him.

"Gee, thanks, Fox. I've never done this before."

"Smartass." I take the keys out of the ignition and hesitate for just a moment to look at Alex. Stroking the side of his face, I wonder what I'll do if I lose him again, this time through no choice of his own.

"Get up there."

"Five minutes, okay?"

He nods and I go up to visit Mr. Turner.

I knock on the door and hear a frail voice ask who it is.

"Agent Mulder. I spoke to you earlier today about the shooting in the alley."

There's the familiar sound of many locks being undone and the door opens.

"Hello, Agent Mulder. Come on in."

I enter the small apartment and look around at the belongings of a man who probably doesn't have much family or many friends. I see the window where he saw Alex and me. I cross the room to the window and look down onto the alley.

"Mr. Turner, wasn't it too dark to really see anything?"

"Nope."

I'm surprised by the answer because I remember the alley being unlit.

The light that was supposed to be there had probably burnt out long ago and the city had failed to replace it. I didn't know how this man could have seen anything.

"The light out there doesn't work, Mr. Turner. I really have a hard time believing that you saw anything."

He looks at me guiltily and goes to a small desk pushed up against the left wall. Opening a drawer, he looks at me as if he expects to be arrested, then pulls out a pair of night vision glasses. I cannot believe this guy.

"These are really what I used to watch everything." He hands them to me as if surrendering a weapon. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, Mr. Turner. These are not illegal. However, I have a feeling that your usual activities involving them may be questionable."

He looks properly chagrined and I wish I could bust him for being a peeping Tom. Oh well, anything he saw will be a moot point as soon as Alex gets up here.

There's a knock on the door and I smile as I think about the moment I'll nail Alex to the wall as soon as he takes care of our problem.

"That's probably my partner," I say and go to answer the door. I'm smiling like an idiot when I open the door and see....Scully.

"Mulder? What are you doing here?"

"Scully?" Shit. I'm looking over her shoulder in the hopes that Alex saw her come up here before him. I know he's a smart man and would stay put until I can get out of here.

"I have those test results and I came over here to take Mr. Turner into protective custody."

I frown at her. "Why does he have to be in protective custody?"

"Just to be safe. The kind of luck we've had with this case, I wouldn't want anything to happen to him. You agree don't you?"

I shake my head. "I think you're overreacting."

"You do? But Mulder, you want to crack this case as much as anyone, don't you?"

"Of course I do." I look at the envelope she has in her hands. "So what did you find out?"

"Oh, I haven't opened it yet." She unfastens the metal bracket and slides the report out of the envelope. The moment I see her eyes widen in surprise,

I know that Alex has been found out. "You will not believe this Mulder

Our killer has a name and it's probably not going to be a surprise."

"Who is it?"

"Alex Krycek." She looks at Mr. Turner. "Sir, we need to take you down to the police station and have you look at some photos. If you can pick out this man from a photo lineup, you may have just helped us solve this case."

I don't think Harold Turner had ever felt as important as he did at that moment.

"Where are you going to take me to protect me?"

Scully smiles and looks at me. I force a smile and wait for her answer. If I can tell Alex where to find him, we can still get out of this.

"There's a hotel we sometimes use for our witnesses, Mr. Turner. Why don't you pack a few things and I'll wait for you."

When Harold goes into his bedroom, I turn to Scully. "What makes you think he's in danger, Scully? No one's heard from or seen Alex Krycek in months.

There's no way he'd know that he'd been seen."

"Mulder, can I be honest with you?"

"Sure."

"I feel like the problems we've had with losing evidence and all the false leads may be an inside job."

"Why do you say that?" I keep my voice steady even as my heart begins to race.

"It's just happening too often to be coincidence. What if Krycek has someone on the inside who's protecting him? As soon as he finds out about this witness, Mr. Turner is a dead man. We can't take that risk. That's why you and I are the only ones who will know where he's being hidden. This way we're guaranteed to keep our witness alive."

"Good idea, Scully." My smile is actually a grimace, but I don't think she notices. I am now truly fucked. If anything happens to Mr. Turner, there'll be one of two people involved in the case who could have done anything to him. Shit.

"I'm going to have some agents from the local Bureau help watch him. Since they don't know what case we're working on, there's no danger of one of them being the informant."

"Okay. Scully, you take Mr. Turner to the hotel and I'm going to head back to my apartment."

"Calling it a day rather early, aren't you?"

"I have to get in contact with some people to see if we can find Krycek."

Scully smiles. "Ah, our three little friends?"

"You got it." I wink at her. As I leave, I give her a little wave and close the door behind me. The smile I have frozen on my face immediately falls away and I'm determined to get downstairs to Alex and tell him the latest bad news. He's going to be so pissed off about this, but he'll have to get over it if we're going to take care of everything.

I get downstairs and am relieved to see Alex in the passenger seat. I wasn't sure if he would have bolted at seeing Scully going up to Harold's apartment.

I open the driver's door and get in quickly. The sooner we can get back to my apartment, the better.

"What the hell is Scully doing here?"

I start the car and pull out before I answer him. "They know it was you and she wants to move Old Harold to our safe house."

"Where is it? We can get him there."

I shake my head. "No, we can't. She thinks that there's someone working on the inside to sabotage this case and wants the only people who know where our star witness is staying to be herself and me."

Glancing at him nervously, to see how he's taking the news, I'm surprised to see him smiling.

"What on earth could you be smiling about, babe?"

"I'd pay good money to see Scully's face if she ever found out who the saboteur was." He puts a hand on my knee. "She'd be so fucking disillusioned. It would be worth going to prison just to see her get hurt by your betrayal."

"What the hell are you implying?"

"Relax, Fox." A hard squeeze and a laugh. "There's no way I could ever get you into trouble, no matter how entertaining I think Scully would be."

"Alex, you're such a shit."

"C'mon, lover. Don't be upset with me."

"What I don't understand is why you're not upset."

"I could be, but what purpose would it serve? When we get home I'll tell you why I'm not worried about this. We'll be fine."

I look at him, puzzled. What the hell was he talking about? Why couldn't he tell me in the car? Still, I've learned not to question him about matters such as these.

The elevator doors have barely closed and Alex is tugging at his tie as if it were a hangman's noose.

"I can't believe I used to wear one of these things. I hate it."

I put my arms around him and place a quick kiss on his neck. "But you look so good all dressed up like a grown up."

He laughs and turns into my embrace. "Gee, really? Well, that makes it all worthwhile. I guess you don't think I look good in my regular clothes, huh?"

"Baby, you look good in anything and everything." A quick kiss on his smiling lips. "Oh, and you look really good in nothing too."

"So do you." He slides my jacket off my shoulders and starts to undo my tie.

"I love your body," he snarls as he bites my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

The doors open and he's still sucking on my neck. "Alex, let's go."

"Hmm?" He lifts his head and looks at the open doors as if suddenly remembering where he is. Grabbing my hand, he drags me out of the elevator and down the hall. Before I can take my keys out of my pocket, his hand is digging into my pants pocket and pulling them out. He quickly unlocks the door and pulls me inside, slamming me up against the wall. His mouth attacks my throat and I feel him marking me, his teeth nipping my sensitive skin.

When his tongue laps at the red mark I know is there, it gives me chills despite its heat.

"Alex, you need to tell me..." I don't finish my sentence as I feel his hand work it's way under my trench coat and suit jacket. He starts pulling my shirt free from my pants and soon his hand is caressing my stomach.

All I'm aware of is the heat of him as he leans into me, his mouth now on my nipples, tonguing them through the thin material of my shirt as his hand continues to roam over my back. I cry out when he bites me, and I wonder if there'll be blood staining my shirt when he takes it off me.

"I need you naked, Fox," he growls and I feel him pull my shirt the rest of the way out. "Help me."

I shrug out of my coat and jacket as he fumbles with the buttons on my shirt, getting impatient and ripping some from their delicate moorings. He pushes it off my shoulders and down my arms, then yanks my undershirt up and over my head before my shirt has hit the floor. I stand in front of him, bare-chested and he runs his hands over my skin as if reading my body.

He knows exactly what he wants, and I wait for him to take it.

"Finish getting undressed, lover. I have a surprise for you." The glint in his eyes tells me it's something I'll like but I'm wary just the same.

His surprises haven't always been things that have pleased me but I've gone along with them, for him. I stop thinking about it and take off the rest of my clothes.

He comes out of the bedroom carrying a piece of black leather in his hand and I recognize it as a hood. He raises it in front of my face and I see that there are no eye holes, just one for my mouth. We've never used these accessories before, and I wonder what he's going to do to me.

"You'll be fine, Fox." He puts the hood over my head, and I have to bite back a moment of panic at the sudden claustrophobia. Alex senses my apprehension and starts saying soothing words and rubbing my back, his hand trailing down over my backside and back up to my neck. He starts massaging my neck and I feel myself relaxing. As soon as he realizes I have calmed down, he puts his hand on my shoulder and pushes me down onto my knees.

"Now," he begins, stroking my back, "about the situation we suddenly find ourselves in because of you. How do you think we should remedy this?"

"I-I don't know," I stammer. Suddenly I feel as if I can't breathe and quickly pull the hood off. "I'm sorry, Alex. I can't do th-"

The knock on the door makes us both jump.

"Mulder," I hear Scully's muffled voice. "It's me."

"Dammit," Alex snarls. "I'm going to kill the bitch."

"Just get in the bedroom." I grab my clothes and pull on my pants and undershirt as fast as possible, tossing any remaining garments into my closet. "Just a second, Scully," I yell towards the door. One more check for anything incriminating and I answer the door.

"Mulder, thank god you're okay." She rushes past me, a flash of red hair and determined energy. I watch as she starts for my bedroom.

"Whoa, wait a minute!" Crossing in front of her, I manage to reach the door first and put my hand against it. "What's going on?"

She looks up at me, her blue eyes frantically searching my face.

"Mulder, it's Krycek."

I try to speak above the pounding of my heart. "What do you mean?"

"He was seen outside your apartment this week and someone swears they saw him inside this morning."

I frown as I try to think of who the hell could have seen Alex. He's always so careful when I'm not here. "Are you sure? Who told you this?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes, it does." More than she can know. "I don't want everyone going into a panic based on one person thinking they've seen him here."

"It's more than one person, Mulder. A neighbor of yours just happened to be down at the police station filing a report about a purse snatching when Mr. Turner ID'd Krycek."

"Which neighbor?"

"Mrs. McAllen. Do you know her?"

I search for any hint of recognition, but finding none, shake my head.

"She lives next door. She said that a few days ago she saw a man fitting Krycek's description entering your apartment. Did you notice if anything was missing or had been tampered with?"

I shake my head and make a note to shoot my neighbor the next time I see her.

"You said there was more than one witness."

"Yes, the other one is apparently a delivery boy who came by this morning.

He had the wrong address but remembers knocking on your door and a dark haired man answering it."

"How the hell did you already talk to a delivery boy who happened to be here this morning?"

The look Scully shoots me makes me realize I've reacted in a way completely opposite to what she expected.

"Mulder, I think the more relevant question here is what Krycek was doing in your apartment this morning? For all we know he could still be in the area or at least have this place under surveillance."

"You're right, Scully. I just don't understand how all these convenient witnesses could show up at the same time to place Krycek here."

She sighs and I wonder if she suspects something. "I already explained to you about Mrs. McAllen."

"Right, her purse was snatched and she just happened to be at the police station when Mr. Turner made the ID."

"Mulder, why do you sound so suspicious? I thought you'd be happy to know that we may have a lead which could result in the apprehension of a cold-blooded killer. Isn't that why you've been working on this case?"

"Fine, Scully. What about the delivery boy. Doesn't that sound a bit too much like a set-up?"

She frowns and I replay my last words. I'm beginning to sound like a paranoid idiot and the look on her face tells me she's thinking the same thing.

"Mulder, who would set it up to look like Krycek was here? What could anyone possibly gain from that?"

I try to think of a plausible reason when I hear a thump from my bedroom.

Scully turns her head quickly and has the door open before I can stop her.

The next few events are all a blur yet crystal clear at the same time.

I feel as if I'm watching a movie being run in super slo-mo. When Scully opens the door, the first thing she sees is Alex standing in my bedroom wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Somehow she fails to notice the gun he's holding. She goes for her gun and is about to point it at him when I hear a blast and see a sharp flash of light. I hear a scream and it doesn't register that it's Scully until I see her fly backwards, arms flailing.

When she hits the ground, I see a red bloom seeping through the smooth, creamy silk of her blouse, just below her left shoulder. I start towards her but am stopped by the sound of Alex's voice

"Hold it, Agent Mulder. Don't move."

I look at him and start to ask him what the hell he's doing when he moves to me.

"Are you armed?" He cocks an eyebrow at me then glances at Scully.

"No," I say, too loudly.

"Fine. Help your partner."

I stoop down next to Scully and see that she's opening her eyes, the lids fluttering like the wings of a panicked bird. For a moment I wonder if I could kill her if the need should ever arise. The thought disturbs me, not because of its content, but because I don't see anything particularly wrong with it.

"Mulder," she whispers, "what happened?"

"You've been shot, Scully. Lie still." I feel something hit my arm and see that Alex has thrown me a dishtowel. Folding the small square of terry cloth, I place it against the wound in an attempt to stem the bleeding.

"It was Krycek." Her voice sounds small and for the first time since we've been partners, she seems helpless. I can't decide if I like that or not. It would definitely make it easier to take her. I shake my head to rid myself of the invading thought and continue to tend her wound.

"I know. We're going to have to get you to a hospital."

"I don't think so, Agent Mulder." I hear Alex's voice behind me and I turn around, looking up at him as his radiant smile rains down on me. "What makes you think I want to be caught today? You can take care of her."

"She needs professional help-" I start to protest when he jams the gun in my face and slips me a conspiratorial wink. The way he looks standing over me, gun in hand, wicked grin on his face, I want to grab him and fuck him. Blood rushing to my groin is not making it any easier to keep my mind on the situation at hand and I can only hope my soon to be obvious desire will not be noticed by Scully.

"Why don't you check the wound? I'd bet it was a clean shot." He trails the barrel of the gun over my lips and I know he wants to kiss me.

"Shouldn't be too hard," another smirk, "to take care of, I mean."

I nod my head and turn back to Scully. "I'm going to have to look at it, okay? You'll need to sit up a little."

"Okay," she says breathlessly. I help her into a sitting position and begin to pull the collar of her blouse to the side so I can see the wound.

"Take off her shirt." I look at Alex. "So you can see things better, Mulder." The look on Alex's face is the same one I've seen countless times before when he's in the mood to play.

"Scully, I'm going to remove your coat." I ease the overcoat off her shoulder and help her to free her arms. The way she's moving, it seems as if she's regaining her senses. I start to unbutton her blouse, when she puts a hand over mine.

"I can do it, Mulder." With trembling fingers, she manages to manipulate the small pearl buttons until her shirt is hanging open, revealing a lace bra almost identical in color to the now ruined blouse. She begins to peel the shirt away from her wound and grimaces when cool air hits the dark red, bloody hole. "Put this on the exit wound," she says, handing me the shirt.

I look at the back of her shoulder and indeed see an exit wound.

Pressing the towel to the front of her shoulder and the blouse to the back, I await further instructions.

"Mulder, do you have any gauze or anything?" Alex surprises me by asking the question.

"I have a first aid kit in my kitchen," as you well know, I almost add. I watch Alex go to the kitchen and make a show of opening and closing cupboards in an attempt to locate the kit. Finally, he finds it, winks at me again, and returns to us, crouching beside his victim.

"Okay, Scully. I'm going to patch you up." He fishes out a few sterile packets of gauze and rips them open.

"You need to disinfect it first," Scully says through gritted teeth.

It's not pain, it's the idea of Alex tending to her that is causing the most discomfort right now.

"Oh, of course." To the untrained ear, the tone Alex uses is quite polite.

To me it means trouble. "How silly of me." He finds the small bottle of rubbing alcohol and takes out a few cotton balls with which to apply it.

"Lean back a little. This is going to sting."

"Just do it." I want to tell Scully she shouldn't talk to Alex that way, but at this point it doesn't really matter. She closes her eyes in anticipation of the sting.

"Okay, here we go." I don't say a word as I watch Alex, instead of soaking the cotton balls, hold the bottle over the open wound and pour the rubbing alcohol directly into the hole.

Scully screams in pain and surprise as the alcohol burns into the raw, tender flesh. "You motherfucker!" She collapses and appears to pass out. I look at Alex.

"Why did you do that?"

"She was pissing me off," he says matter-of-factly. Scully stirs, her moans relaying the pain she's feeling. "If I were you, I'd watch my step so I don't do something to hurt you." I know the words are for Scully's benefit.

"What do you want, Krycek?" I decide I may as well play along, not only because I don't want Scully to know the truth, but also because I have to know how Alex plans to fix this.

"A little birdie told me you guys were on to me. I came here to dissuade you from pursuing the case any further."

"Not a chance, you son of a bitch." Scully's fully awake now.

"Dana...can I call you Dana?" He doesn't wait for a reply. "I don't have any qualms about killing you then tracking down your star witness and blowing his brains out. You won't believe how easy it is for me kill. Well," he laughs, "I guess you would since you're ready to send me up the river for multiple murders." At that moment as I watch him, I have to stop myself from reaching out to touch the confident, cocky face. He continues. "If you're good and accidentally fuck up the case, I'll be happy to let you both go without hurting either one of you...more."

"That's not going to happen," Scully hisses through clenched teeth. I usually admire her tenacity, but right now I just want her to shut up.

Alex puts down the gun and picks up the gauze and tape so he can finish taking care of her wounds. I watch him work and am a little taken aback at the tenderness he shows her while she's shooting daggers at him. For the first time, she notices he isn't holding his weapon and makes a grab for it.

I almost think I see her eyes question why I didn't take it when I had the chance. Luckily, Alex sees her make her move and takes it before she can.

"Not smart, Dana."

"Well, what kind of genius puts down his gun when holding hostages? I thought you'd be better at this Krycek."

He looks at her for a second and I can't tell if he's going to hit her or let it go. He does neither, instead placing a finger on her collar bone and tracing a line down to the swell of her breasts. She slaps his hand and he grabs her injured shoulder, squeezing it. As she cries out in pain, a small part of me wants to tell him to stop, but I stay silent, content to watch the scene play out.

"You son of a bitch," she gasps, her eyes tight as she fights to keep silent, knowing that he's enjoying her cries of agony.

"Scully, don't antagonize him," I blurt out before I can stop myself.

She gives me another strange look, as if she doesn't know me.

"Mulder's right, Dana." He looks at me and frowns. "You know, I think I need to make sure you won't try anything."

"Why? I haven't made a move against you. I haven't even tried to go for my weapon."

"Good point, but I don't want to take any chances that you'll try anything tonight."

Scully sits up a little. "You're going to keep us here overnight?"

"I'm going to keep you here for as long as it takes to convince you to drop the case."

"Then we're going to be here for a while. The Bureau is going to come looking for us when we don't show up at work. It's just a matter of time until you're caught."

"Thanks for reminding me, Dana. Mulder, may I use your phone?"

I nod and steal a glance at Scully. She indicates I should try to rush him once his back is to me and he's on the phone. I shake my head.

"I don't want to risk him hurting you anymore.

"Mulder, you haven't exactly stopped him up to this point." She immediately takes it back, a slightly horrified look on her face. "I'm sorry. We can't let him turn us against each other."

I shake my head. "It's okay, Scully." I start to stand up. "Why don't we get you over to the couch so you can at least lie down, okay?"

She nods and I take her in my arms. I realize how small she is when I manage to lift her with little effort. Amazing how much bigger she seems when she's spouting her latest diatribe against one of my theories.

I gently lay her on the couch and watch Krycek on the phone.

"Yes, may I speak to Assistant Director Skinner's secretary, please?"

"Krycek, what are you doing?" Scully asks.

He turns to face her, but doesn't answer the question. I look at him, wondering what he could possibly have to say to Skinner.

"Hello? Yes, my name is Detective Travers. I'm working with Agents Mulder and Scully on the serial killer case they've been...yes, that's it.

They asked me to call on their behalf to inform you that they've gotten a serious lead on a suspect and are in the process of following up on it." He pauses, frowning. "I'm not sure about why they haven't made contact with their supervisor, ma'am. I'm just telling you what they asked me to do. I am under the impression that they will check in once they've reached their destination. I expect to be hearing from them soon, as well." He nods his head, listening. "I don't know. They are pretty convenient, but not always reliable. What're the odds, huh?" He laughs. "Yeah, that's happened to me too. What's that? Of course. It's 114. I'll be sure to let you know if I hear from them. Uh huh...you too. Bye bye."

He hangs up the phone and smiles at me.

"What the hell are you doing, Alex?" I step toward him and grab his arm.

"They're going to look for us."

I don't realize what I've said until I hear a quiet voice behind me.

"Mulder?"

I turn around and face my partner. "Scully, I..."

"Of course they're going to look for us."

"Yes, I know," I say quickly. "Of course they will."

"Then why does that sound like something you don't want?"

Her eyes have me rooted to the spot and I can't think of what to say to her.

I'm about to tell her everything, when I feel Alex walk up behind me.

"Mulder's not an idiot, Scully. He knows it'll be easier to settle this without anyone getting hurt, if we can discuss this whole situation free from outside interference."

"Then why did you call Skinner?" Scully asks defiantly.

Alex shrugs and laughs. I don't think he even knows why he called.

"Tell you what, Dana. I'll explain everything to you as soon as we've relocated."

Her eyes flash momentarily. "You said we were going to stay here."

He saunters over to her and crouches down next to the couch. Leaning in toward her until his face is a few scant inches from hers, I recognize the look on his face. It's the same look he has just before he kisses me.

"Alex..." His name is spoken involuntarily as I step forward, my arm outstretched in an attempt to stop him from what he's about to do.

Two pairs of eyes look up at me and I glance from one to the other, trying to determine which is conveying more emotion. Alex looks irritated with me for interrupting whatever it is he was about to do, and Scully...her eyes are filled with confusion and anger. When I look at Alex again, our eyes lock, and he smiles sweetly at me, signaling the cessation of his frustration with me. I can't help myself and return the smile with all the warmth and affection I'm feeling for him at that moment. Once more, I look at Scully and watch as confusion makes way for realization, then finally the smoldering look of shock, pain and betrayal.

"No," she shakes her head, "no, Mulder. No...you couldn't possibly..." She continues to shake her head in her futile attempt to negate her sudden insight into my relationship with Alex.

Still next to the couch, Alex looks at her and grins. "Yes, he could...and he does." He raises himself a little and takes a seat next to Scully. She shifts on the couch, recoiling from him as if he were a viper poised to strike. The movement jars her wound and she shuts her eyes tightly, breath hissing through clenched teeth.

"Scully, are you okay?" I go to her, placing a hand on her uninjured shoulder.

Without a word, she stares up at me, the shock from before, gone. It has been replaced with contempt and loathing, things I knew I would see in her eyes if she ever found out about Alex and me. When I thought about what the moment of discovery would be like, I had imagined I would be much more upset.

What I have discovered is there is...nothing.

"Fox," Alex says, interrupting my thoughts, "I'm going to secure a vehicle.

You keep an eye on our guest." He starts to walk to the door when he stops and turns to look at me. There's a wicked gleam in his eye as he approaches me, licking his lips. With one quick glance at Scully, he grabs the back of my head and pulls me to him for a kiss. I forget everything as I feel his tongue invade my mouth in an act of possession and declaration, its wet heat filling my senses, making me gasp at the want and urgency behind it.

As I respond in kind, I hear a muted cry from Scully. I don't care what she thinks at this point, all I want is Alex.

When we break apart, he's grinning at me as if he's won a hard-fought battle.

His parted lips are moist, and as I imagine my cock sliding between them, I groan and move in to kiss him again. This time he wraps his arms around me and I can feel the hard steel of the gun in his hand as it presses against my back. Our bodies are clenched together, his steadily hardening erection pressing against my already aching groin. I don't know how he can have this power over me, but I never want to question how good it feels to be with him like this.

"You'd better go," I whisper against his lips, my hand moving down his back.

"You don't want to give Scully an eyeful?"

I shake my head and steal a look at her. She glares at me then turns to face the wall.

Alex shrugs and releases me. "Maybe later, then?"

I grunt noncommittally and he laughs.

"You've made your choice, Fox. I think you'd better learn to live with it."

"I never had a choice, babe."

He looks at me curiously, then gives Scully a mock salute. "I shall return with transportation for you, ma'am."

She doesn't turn around. "Go to hell, Krycek."

"Already been there, Dana." One more kiss and he leaves.

I don't know what to say to Scully. It's obvious that I'm not going to help her fight Alex. Maybe if I can find a way to explain everything to her, she'll understand. It makes sense to me, and I don't see why it wouldn't to her.

"Scully, look at me, please."

"I can't" Her voice hitches and I know she's crying. "I can't look at you, Mulder. I don't want to see what you've become."

"What have I become?"

She laughs bitterly and shakes her head. "If I have to tell you, there's no point, is there?"

"No, I want to know what you're thinking." I don't know why I want to hear her say what I already know. I step closer to the couch and begin to sit down, but then I think better of it and stay standing. "Tell me what's going through that analytical mind of yours." My voice is harsh and mocking.

For the first time, I no longer feel obligated to treat her with the respect we've built over our years as partners. I see her as an obstacle, someone who can make me lose everything. Before I can be startled by my feelings, they've taken over completely, and I want to know if she'll make me choose between what's right, and what I want. In a way, as I think about it, there's not really a difference.

"Mulder," she turns her head to look up at me. "I don't know how you can throw away everything for that." She looks at the front door.

"Doesn't what you and I have gone through mean anything to you? Doesn't the law mean anything? I don't understand what's happened to you."

I squat next to the couch and choose my words with care. "I love Alex. That's the only thing that matters to me anymore. If giving up who I was means I can protect him, so be it."

"But how can you love him? Mulder, don't you remember what he's done to you? How can all of that be erased by...whatever it is you think you feel for him?"

"I said I love him. He makes me understand myself better than anyone has before. I'm nothing like the man you thought you knew."

"Yes, you are." Her eyes are wide, pleading, the tears falling down her cheeks as she tries to convince me that I'm mistaken. "You are a wonderful human being, not some immoral bastard like him. You can't let him make you into something you're not."

"Why not?" I raise my voice and stand up. "Isn't that what you're trying to do, right now?"

"Mulder, please..."

"Alex is the first person who has made me see who I really am. He's the only one who really knows me, knows what I want. Nothing you can say will convince me otherwise."

She begins to say something, but finally chooses to stay silent. I can see that she knows she can't win this particular argument.

"Scully, if you just go along with us, Alex will let you go. We can lose that physical evidence, and once we get rid of the witness, there'll be no way to tie Alex to the murders."

"Do you hear yourself, Mulder? You sound like a madman. You know I can't do that. You can't do that, either. We have a duty to uphold, and I can't ignore my responsibilities just because you're fucking our main suspect."

She spits the words at me. "I should have killed him when I had the chance."

My hand flies before I can stop it, and I don't realize I've slapped her until I see her put a shaking hand to her face. She stares up at me, her cheek quickly reddening. Whatever chance there was for her understanding is gone in those few seconds.

"Make this easy on yourself, Scully. I don't think Alex is going to be as generous with you." My words sound calm, belying the anger I'm feeling.

She sighs heavily and I think that for a moment she's going to try and talk me out of my involvement with Alex. Instead, she surprises me.

"Okay, Mulder. You win. I'll lose the evidence. I'll look the other way while you do whatever you have to do."

I'm stunned. I never expected her to give in this easily, and for a second I think she's lying to me.

"How do I know I can trust you, Scully?"

"Mulder, look at how long we've been partners. You've always trusted me."

I watch her, looking for any indication that she's being deceptive. I don't see anything, but know I should wait and talk to Alex before making a decision.

The door opens and he walks in, a satisfied look on his face.

"Okay, we're ready to go," he says, rubbing his hands together.

"Alex, we need to talk. Scully said she's willing to help us if we let her go."

The expression of shock on his face is priceless, and I would laugh under different circumstances.

"You're kidding me. Saint Dana of the Skeptics is going to...break the law?"

He put his hands over his mouth and opens his eyes wide in mock horror.

"Alex," I touch his arm, "maybe we should see what she's agreed to do."

"Okay, fine." He sits down on the coffee table, his elbows resting on his knees in such a casual manner, you would have thought he and Dana were going to chat about the latest movies they'd seen. "Tell us your plan, Dana."

She swallows hard, and I go into the kitchen to get her a glass of water. I can hear her start to speak.

"Mulder has made it very clear to me that he is not willing to listen to reason when it comes to you, Krycek. I'm not holding out for a miracle that will let him see what kind of shit you are, so I don't think I have a choice but to help you."

I return to the living room and hand her the glass. She takes it and drinks the water in small sips. Alex has an amused, patronizing look on his face, and I know he finds Scully's insult to be of no consequence.

She holds out the glass to me, but Alex takes it, setting it down gently next to him

"Dana, you always have choices. You've chosen to live. That wasn't very hard, was it?" His words shock me. I hadn't ever thought he would actually kill her if she didn't help us. Is he crazy? Doesn't he know what kind of investigation they'd launch for the killing of a Federal Agent?

Scully continues to talk, her mouth dry despite the water she's just had.

"I agree to lose the DNA report. I have the only copy and I'll shred it, burn it, whatever. If you...eliminate the witness, there won't be anything to connect you to the latest victim."

"What about the witnesses who said they saw Alex here?" I ask, taking a seat next to him. My hand automatically reaches for his, and I notice a hint of distaste cross Scully's face as my fingers entwine with Alex's.

"All that proves is that Krycek was in the area according to those two people. They know nothing of the murders. If the eyewitness to the crime is out of the picture and the physical evidence is gone, we're at another dead end."

I squeeze Alex's hand and he turns to look at me.

"I think it'll work, Alex."

He nods slowly, as if mulling things over. Suddenly, narrowing his eyes into a steely gaze, he faces Scully.

"How do we know you'll really do what you say?"

"I know you're not familiar with the concept, but you have my word."

"I don't know." He looks at me. "What do you think, Fox?" I cast a quick look at Scully, and she stares at me defiantly. "I believe her."

Alex sighs heavily and stands up. "Sorry, Dana. You might have him fooled, but I'm not buying it."

"Then what the fuck do you expect me to do to prove it to you?"

Tugging on his lower lip, thoughtfully, Alex starts pacing the room. The swagger in his hips and the way he purses his lips, makes me want to capture him in my arms and make him give up everything to me. My cock twitches as I think about him surrendering to my every whim, and I have to force myself not to get distracted by my need for him.

He stops and snaps his fingers. "I've got it." Resuming his position next to me on the coffee table, he leans toward Scully. "You'll come with us when we take care of Mr. Turner."

"What?" She sits up a little more. "He's being watched by agents from the local Bureau. You can't just waltz in there with us and expect to kill him while he's in protective custody."

"I can, and I will," he replies calmly. "In fact, I think you're going to do the honors, Dana."

I watch as her expression changes from mere frustration to horror.

Alex has given her an ultimatum. Either she kills our witness, or she's going to die.

I wonder if the power of self-preservation will be enough to make her abandon her noble attitudes about justice and the law.

"Krycek, you can't be serious." Her voice is a whisper, and I hear utter disbelief at what she's being forced to face.

"I am, Dana." He looks at me. "I think we should go. Oh, before I forget, why don't you call Skinner before he decides to check on Detective Travers."

I take out my cell phone and punch in Skinner's number. "I don't know why you had to make up that guy, Alex. I could have just called him and-"

"I didn't make him up. Stuart Travers is a good friend of mine and just happens to work for this department. He wouldn't mind that I've used his name in vain." He grins when he sees the look of surprise on Scully's face.

"Yes, Dana, he's been working as a sort of back-up in case you got too close.

Unfortunately, you never gave him the test results."

I'm about to ask Dana if she knows Travers, when Skinner's secretary answers the phone.

"This is Agent Mulder. I was wondering if a Detective Travers had a chance to call you."

"Agent Mulder," she sounds shocked. "Um, yes, I relayed the message to Assistant Director Skinner and he was very concerned. He asked that I call the police department and verify that there was indeed a Detective Travers working there."

I laugh, good-naturedly. "I trust you found everything to be in order."

"Yes, we did. Agent Mulder, where are you and Agent Scully now?

"We're back in DC. The lead turned out to be a bust. We're heading over to the safe house to check on our witness."

"I see. Would you like me to inform the AD?"

"Please. I take it he's not available."

"He's in a meeting."

I roll my eyes. The man is always in a fucking meeting. No wonder he never knows what the hell's going on.

"Okay, we need to get over there."

"Of course. I'll tell the AD you called, Agent Mulder."

I end the call and look at Alex. "Was that okay?"

"That was just fine, Fox." He leans in to kiss me, his hand caressing my face gently as he softly sucks on my lower lip, pulling away just as I'm about to kiss him back. "I think Dana has something to tell you."

Frowning, I look at her. "What is it, Scully?"

"I know who Detective Travers is. He's the man who helped me when Mr. Turner ID'd Krycek." She looks at her hands and shakes her head. "I guess there's no need to worry about any of the statements being recorded, is there?"

Alex smiles gleefully. "Nope."

"Alex, why didn't you tell me about him?" I don't mean to sound whiny, but I know I have when Alex flashes me an impatient look.

"You didn't need to know. Besides, everything's fine now." He stands up, again, and reaches into his front pants pocket. Pulling out a pill bottle, he opens it and hands me two white pills. "Make sure she takes these.

They'll calm her down for the trip to see Mr. Turner."

"I don't need any pills, Krycek. I won't give you any trouble." She sounds resigned, and I wonder if she's not telling the truth.

"I'd rather not take any chances. You may be injured, but I know you're not the type to give up without a fight."

I pick up Scully's empty glass and go into the kitchen to refill it.

Alex walks in behind me and I feel his arms move around my waist, holding me to him. The warmth of his body soothes me, and I know I'm safe. He begins to move his head, rubbing his face against my shoulder, the repetitious motion comforting in its familiarity. I'm content to stay in his embrace, wishing I could freeze this moment in time.

"Fox, are you angry?" He sounds so quiet and vulnerable. It's not a tone I'm used to hearing from him, and it takes a second for the question to register.

I turn around and place my hands on his shoulders. "Why would I be angry?"

He doesn't look me in the eye, instead staring at my mouth as if waiting for condemnation to slip from my lips.

"I've hurt your friend. I've fucked things up royally. Want me to keep going?"

I don't like the man I see in front of me. I don't want this unsure Alex to replace the bold, audacious creature I love. I grip his shoulders until my fingers are white, needing him to know exactly what I'm feeling. He has to snap out of whatever this is.

"Alex, she was going to kill you. If you hadn't shot her first, you would be dead right now. That's something I don't want to think about."

His eyes finally meet mine. "Fox, why do you love me?"

I frown. Where the hell is this sudden case of insecurity coming from?

He knows damn well how I feel about him, I've never made it a secret.

"Alex, what's wrong with you?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. I just don't know why you're willing to put everything on the line for me."

"You know I love you. What other reason do you need?"

"Fox, I don't know why you're so different. I don't want to think that I've changed who you are."

I pause as I consider his statement. We've already talked about the fact that I'm more like him than either of us care to admit, so why is he so concerned about it now?

"Alex, I don't know why you're suddenly thinking about this, but I'm not doing anything I don't want to do."

He nuzzles my neck and begins to grind his crotch against mine. I feel him begin breathing rapidly and I know that he wants all of this to be over so he can fuck me.

"I love you so much, Fox. Don't regret what we're doing." I can barely hear the whispered words, but I know that it hurts him to say them to me.

"I would give up everything for you," I say softly, rubbing his hair as I hold his head against my shoulder. His body moving against mine is beginning to make me crazy and I want to take him into the bedroom. I glance up and am shocked to see Scully walking up behind Alex, his gun in her hand. I don't remember seeing him set it down, but he must have gotten careless and left it in the living room. Without a second thought, I push Alex out of the way in time to see her pull the trigger. The searing heat of the bullet as it rips into my stomach is fleeting and for a moment I wonder if I am really hit.

Then the pain begins and I feel warm liquid soaking my shirt. Looking down before I pass out, I'm amazed that there could be so much blood in me. I hear Alex scream my name, and the last thing I see is him running at Scully...

My first conscious thought is that I'm incredibly thirsty. The next is that I feel as if someone has moved into my gut and started redecorating. I want to ask for something to drink and to dull the pain, but only a croak escapes my throat. I hear the sound of a chair sliding across the floor and falling over.

"Fox? Fox?" It's Alex's voice, and he sounds frantic. I force my eyes open.

"Oh god, Fox..." His face is contorted and I realize he's crying and laughing at the same time. He touches my face and kisses me softly, his tears dropping onto my cheek. When he pulls back, I notice that he has large circles under his eyes.

"You look terrible." It's a struggle to speak, but I want to let him know that I'm all right.

He laughs. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. How do you feel, darling?"

The endearment surprises me, and for a moment I don't know how to respond to him. I swallow hard and my parched throat reminds me that I really want some water.

"Thirsty..."

He takes a plastic cup from the table next to my bed and places it to my lips. Raising my head gently, he tips the cup, and I feel cool, delicious water trickle into my mouth. I lay back down and squeeze my eyes shut against the pain in my abdomen.

"Where's Scully?"

It's not meant to be a concerned inquiry, but for a moment I think that's the way it's perceived. I only ask because I want to know what Alex did to her after she shot me.

"I'll tell you later."

For some reason, the events that led to this point haven't been in the front of my mind. Now, as I regain my bearings, a wave of panic washes over me.

"Alex, the case...the evidence..."

"Shh..." He places a comforting hand on my arm, calming me down. "It's all right, babe. I know some people. Remember my friend Detective Travers?"

I nod, looking at the plastic cup. He picks up my signal and gives me another drink. Ensuring I'm satisfied, he continues.

"He took care of Mr. Turner."

My eyes open in shock. "He killed him?"

Alex shakes his head. "No, he just convinced him that it wasn't me he saw kill that guy. You know, the police are really good at getting the testimony they want."

"But what about the DNA report?"

"I convinced Scully to destroy it. I have a feeling she won't be talking about it anytime soon."

"You didn't..." I want to know what happened to her, but I'm afraid to find out what he did.

"I didn't kill her. I simply made her understand things my way, and told her if she ever opens her mouth, I'll make her understand even more. She's in a room on another floor."

I make a note to ask him what he did to make her cooperate, but for now I only want to look at him, reveling in the fact that he loves me enough to stay here and risk being found out.

"Alex, you should go. It's not safe for you to be here."

"No." His voice is vehement. "I can stay here as long as it takes. I need to be with you."

"If Skinner comes..."

"He already came. The official story is that when you and Scully returned from looking for your suspect, you were both surprised at your apartment by an unknown assailant." He grins. "I got rid of my gun, by the way. I loved that damn gun."

"There are too many loose ends. They'll find out something.

"No they won't. I won't let them. In the meantime, I don't think you should think about it. I want you to get well, and I'm going to stay by your side until you do."

He kisses me again, longer this time, and I want to respond to him, but the sudden flash of pain I feel makes me cry out.

"Shit, Fox, let me get the nurse, okay?"

Before I can tell him I'll be fine, he's gone to get someone. Soon, a fresh-faced young nurse comes in the room and injects something into my IV tube.

"This should help with the pain, Agent Mulder. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, thank you. How long do you think I'll be in here?"

"I'll ask the doctor to come see you."

"Thank you."

She leaves and I look at Alex. He's watching me with such an expression of love on his face, I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating. I can't think of a time that I've seen him look at me so tenderly.

"Are you okay, Alex?"

"I'm better than okay." He sits on the edge of the bed, being careful not to jar me too much. "I thought I was going to lose you. Luckily, Scully missed anything vital. I don't know what I would have done if she'd...well, I know what I would have done, but it didn't come to that."

I take his hand. "It takes more than this to keep me down, you know."

"Yeah, well, it did enough damage for me." He squeezes my hand. "I have to thank you for saving my life."

"No, you don't. If she had shot you, it would have killed me. I couldn't let that happen."

I want to say more to him, to let him know that I can't live without him. As the pain medication begins to kick in, I feel myself getting sleepy.

Alex notices and stands up.

"I want you to get some sleep. I'll go get some coffee and come right back.

I'll be here when you wake up."

I smile weakly and feel my eyes begin to close. "I love you."

He kisses my cheek, the stubble on his face lightly grazing my skin.

"Not as much as I love you. Sleep well, Fox."

Before I can say anything else, I feel myself drift into a peaceful, dreamless sleep. My unanswered questions will have to wait.

END

 

* * *

 

February 1999  
Disclaimer: So I'm talking to Deep Throat on my Ouija board and he keeps telling me I don't have a chance in hell of getting these guys...  
Rating: R for language and m/m affection  
Spoilers: This series was already AU...now it's even moreso.  
Summary: The unexpected manages to knock the boys off course.  
Notes: Lucy, thank you *so* much for your invaluable help with this. Sue, thank you, as always, for your help and for the info. I know you're mad about this, but you've gotten your revenge ;). Row, thanks for the comments and giving it the once over. You guys are too cool :) Any remaining errors are mine.  
Feedback: I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who has sent me feedback about this series. It's very much appreciated :) Please let me know what you think about this! (hotmail is being a bitch when it comes to giving me my mail, so...)   
The first three parts of this series can be found on TER/MA http://www.squidge.org/terma/index2.htm

* * *

Lying IV: Raised on Promises   
by Frankie  
========== 

From the moment the elevator doors open, it's strikingly clear that this is just a dream. I step inside and the floor lurches sickeningly. Before I can back out, the doors close and I realize that Alex isn't with me. When I look up through the suddenly transparent walls of the elevator, I see him waving at me. He's telling me that he'll catch the next one but I have to warn him that the next one isn't working. I'm shouting at him, but he just smiles and steps into the lift. The doors of my elevator open and the floor rises to tip me out into some kind of lobby. The guy who played Jesus in the movie version of "Jesus Christ Superstar" is standing there. He smiles then moves toward me. I'm about to ask him where Alex went, when he starts picking paint chips out of my hair. Before I can tell him to stop, he breaks out into a verse of "I Could Never Be Your Woman." He sounds exactly like Alex and it dawns on me that this is when I'm supposed to wake up.

I don't open my eyes right away. Instead I keep them closed as I take a quick inventory of what's going on in my apartment. The shower is running and I can hear Alex singing. I smell coffee brewing and, if I'm not mistaken, there's something baking in the oven. If the simple domesticity of the whole scene didn't make me so damn happy, I'd feel nauseous at the sticky sweetness of it all. I smile, even as I force my reluctant eyes open and turn over to look at the clock. 10:15. So much for my promise to myself to sleep until noon on Sundays. Oh well, I guess I can force my lazy ass out of bed and into the shower. I'm sure Alex won't mind if I join him. 

I walk into the bathroom and hear Alex still singing. He's launched into the chorus and is declaring he could never be my woman. Hmmm. I push aside the shower curtain and look at him for a moment, admiring the broad shoulders and well muscled back that always respond so well to my touch. My eyes wander down over the firm ass and to the strong legs I've made tremble on a number of occasions. Not visible is the part of him that means the most because it's mine. It's not what you think. I know that Alex Krycek's heart belongs to me.

If anyone would have told me that we'd be living together in a mostly peaceful existence, I would have had them committed without a second thought. But here we are, three months after he came back to me, and we haven't killed each other yet. In fact, life with Alex has not only been satisfying and exciting, but I've never felt safer. That may seem ironic considering how dangerous Alex appears to other people. Hell, he *is* dangerous, but he would never hurt me. I'm convinced our being together is the best thing for both of us. At the risk of sounding like a lovesick idiot, I'd have to say everything's perfect. God, I even love it when we fight and he gets that killer glint in his eye that gives me an instant hard on. I just want to concede and drop to my knees in front of him. And let's not even talk about the make up sex that hurts just enough to make the fight worthwhile. 

Still, I wouldn't trade quiet mornings like this for anything since it means he's really mine. Too wrapped up in his song, he still hasn't noticed my presence as I step into the shower. He jumps a little and stops singing when I put my arms around his waist and kiss his sweet smelling back. 

"Morning, Sunshine." I laugh as I say it because I know he hates when I call him that. He's not exactly a morning person.

"Don't call me that or I'll have to kick your ass." He turns around and puts his arms around my neck, giving me a quick peck on the lips. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah." I kiss his neck and lick the water trickling down his skin. "I had that elevator dream again." He tilts his head back and I dot his throat with kisses.

I feel the vibrations of his laughter against my mouth. "Was Jesus in it again?"

"It's not Jesus. It's the actor who played him in the movie."

"Oh, sorry. That makes much more sense." 

I move him until his back is against the shower wall, and stare into his eyes. I'm always amazed at the amount of myself reflected in him. It's as if he truly is my other half. "You'd better not be making fun of me." 

"What're you gonna do, G-man? Arrest me?" He moves a soapy hand down my back, sending shivers up my spine despite the heat of the water.

"No, but maybe I'll still use the cuffs later if you're good." 

"Tease," he says softly, pressing his lips to mine and snaking his tongue into my mouth. I sigh at the sensation of his mouth making love to mine, the roughness with which he assaults every surface only to draw back enough to force me to be the aggressor. Kissing Alex is an exercise in sensuality in which I can always revel.

I break away, slightly breathless. "I love you." I whisper it, but even over the roar of the shower, he hears me. "I'm so glad you're still here."

Before the words are out of my mouth, I wince. Shit, here it comes.

"Dammit, Fox! When are you going to give it a rest?" The look in his eyes is full of hurt and guilt. "I'm not going anywhere! I'm so fucking tired of telling you that."

I stroke the side of his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it out loud."

He purses his lips and frowns. "So you'd rather just think I'm going to up and leave you, huh?"

I shake my head. "Alex, I'm an idiot. I'm the biggest fool to ever walk the Earth. Please don't be mad."

Gently pushing me out of the way, he gets out of the shower and starts to dry off.

I keep the curtain open even as water sprays all over the floor. "Alex..."

He looks at me. "I'm not mad, babe. I just wish you trusted me." His words hit me harder than one of his well-placed punches. "I'm going to get dressed and see if the scones are done." Before he walks out of the bathroom, he turns around. "I love you. Always." He smiles.

The look in his eyes tells me everything I need to know. I'm so grateful to him for knowing what I need to hear, but he shouldn't have to cater to my insecurities. Sometimes I wonder how the hell he can put up with me. 

As he closes the door, I curse myself for being the world's neediest asshole. What is my fucking problem? Why is it so hard to believe the guy's here to stay? Maybe I just like having a little drama in my life. Too bad it has to be at the expense of Alex's feelings. I shake my head as I finish my shower, wondering if there's a local chapter of Shitheads Anonymous I can join.

I step out of the shower and grab a towel. As I'm drying off, Alex walks in. I look at him expectantly.

"We don't have any jam, so I'm just gonna pop out for a sec." 

I don't say anything, but he knows I'm wondering if he's going to go off to be by himself for a while. He's done it before when I've upset him.

"Babe, I'm coming right back. I just forgot to pick some up yesterday, okay?" He grins and walks towards me. "You don't get to me that easily anymore." The kiss he gives me is even more reassuring than his words.

"Make it quick, huh?"

He winks at me. "Just try and keep me away." I watch him go and the impulse hits me to take hold of him and never let him out of my arms.

"Alex, I love you." I shout it and I hear a faint "Love you too" in return. The front door shuts and I wonder if I should go with him. As quickly as the unease hits me, it's gone. I finish toweling off and go into the bedroom to get dressed. 

I settle on an old, faded pair of jeans and one of Alex's T-shirts. Even though it's freshly laundered, I'm convinced I can still smell him on it. The cotton feels soft against my skin and I'm again bombarded by a pressing need to have him in my arms. It's different from the times I've missed him before; I'm almost panicked because he's not with me. This is getting ridiculous. I seriously consider starting therapy again as I take a deep breath and go to the kitchen. 

I fix myself a cup of coffee. No, it's not just coffee. This stuff smells and tastes like it was grown in heaven and brewed by angels. As I think about Alex, I wonder if I'm not too far off. For all the bad he's done, I can't help but see him with a halo over his head. Granted, it's tarnished, dented and badly in need of repairs, but I'm convinced it's there. I wonder what it is about Alex that seems to make all my common sense and good judgment fly out the window. Oh yeah, I love the guy. I shake my head. I have now officially lost my mind.

I direct my attention to some of the things he's changed since he's been here. For one thing, he's completely reorganized my kitchen. I can actually find things now. I take out a couple of plates and put them on the table. His homemade scones smell delicious and I'm tempted to start without him, but I wait. Sipping my coffee, I think of the wonderful, lazy day we have ahead of us. We'll spend it eating, talking, reading the paper, making love, planning how to save the world, and tonight we'll watch "The Simpsons" and "That '70s Show." There's nothing good on after that, so we'll head to bed early and he'll proceed to make me scream loud enough to make the neighbors wish I'd never moved in. There's something to be said for a routine.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I finish my coffee and patiently await my lover's return. He just went to the store. It's not a big deal. Why do I feel like I'm trying to convince myself of something? 

Before I drive myself batty, I go into the living room and start looking at the paper. Settling onto the couch and setting aside the sections I know Alex likes to read first, I start perusing the sports section. The words on the page make no sense to me and I give up with a sigh of disgust. I hope he hasn't gone off somewhere to sulk, not after telling me he was fine. As I stand up, I can't decide whether to be pissed off or worried. Unable to choose, I settle on being justifiably put out and figure I'll make good use of my time alone.

I boot up my computer and go online. Having not checked my mail in a couple of days, I'm greeted by the annoying little ping that means people have been trying to get in touch with me. I sigh as I realize I'm so tired of the life I have. I immediately backtrack. The only part of my life that is fulfilling is my relationship with Alex. Unfortunately, I can't tell the other people in my life about him because they'd want to arrest him. Things like that have a tendency to put a strain on a relationship. I grin when I try to imagine the look on Scully's face when I tell her that I'm in love with the man who killed my father. It wouldn't matter if I explained that by killing him, Alex saved my life. I can picture her face after I tell her about my father's involvement with the Consortium and the fact that he was going to finally tell me the truth knowing I would be killed for what I knew. Alex shot him before he could do that. Scully would listen, make her trademark "Mulder, you are out of your mind" face, and proceed to arrange for my deprogramming.

As I delete the spam from porn sites and get rich quick schemes, I glance at the time. He's been gone for almost an hour. I ignore the flutter of anxiety in my stomach and tell myself I'll give it another hour before I start to get worried. In the meantime, going through my mail, I see one from Byers.

Mulder-  
Here is all the information we could get about the financial situation you asked us to look into for you. Apparently there are a number of offshore holdings and investments under a variety of assumed names. Attached are some of the account numbers we found. We're still getting the others for you.   
Byers

I download the file with Alex's bank account numbers. I'm not going to do anything with the information. I only wanted to know where his money comes from. When he moved in with me, I asked him if he would need me to help him out financially. He made some mysterious comment about a "former associate" who "owed him big and is still paying." I remember shrugging and pretending to dismiss it. Of course, I immediately asked the guys to see what they could find out. I hadn't expected much, but as always, they surprise the hell out of me. I still don't know who's paying him, but I do know that he's pretty much set for life. Killing people must just be a hobby for him now. I'm a little worried about that fact, not because of any moral implications but because I don't want him to get caught. As selfish as that sounds, it's one of my greatest fears. If the day comes when Alex has to finally pay for the things he's done, I know he'll be gone for a long time. Part of me wonders if that's why he's with me and content to stay holed up in my apartment. Has he finally found a place to hide that's so ridiculous no one would think to look for him here? Hide in plain sight, huh, Alex? I instantly regret that thought. He wouldn't use me like that, especially considering he can afford to go anywhere in the world he wants. I finally comprehend the situation. The idiot sticks around because of me. I am so fucking thick sometimes.

It takes me about forty minutes to finish going through and answering my mail. I stretch my aching back, then turn off the computer. Alex should be home soon. Even if he is off sulking somewhere, he's never gone for more than a couple of hours. When he gets back I'll just hold on to him and never let go. At that thought, I'm again struck by an anxious need to have him here. This time the feeling nestles in my stomach and makes me nauseous enough to cause the bitter taste of bile to rise in my throat before it goes away. 

I spend the next hour trying to distract myself by attempting to clean the mess on my desk, but to no avail. If I move anything, I won't be able to find it again. Maybe I should let Alex take a crack at it. He has a way of doing things that invariably makes life easier, at least for me. When I glance at the clock and see that it's been three hours since he left, I feel a sharp pain in my chest. Something's wrong. Nothing would keep him away from me this long. He knows I'd worry and he wouldn't do that to me. 

I start pacing back and forth in my living room, frustrated that I can't go find him because he might call. He could always reach me on my cell, but it's a moot point. I don't have any earthly idea where he might have gone. Alex, please be okay. Please call me. I jump when the phone rings and I run to answer it.

"Where are you?" I answer the phone, relieved that he's okay.

"Mulder? It's me."

Scully? Why is she calling me? 

"Listen, Scully, I need to keep the line open. I'm expecting a call."

"Mulder, I think you'll want to hear this."

I bite back my impatience. "What is it?"

"Guess who we've finally got in custody?"

My heart stops. 

"Mulder? You there?"

Somehow I manage to speak. "Yeah. Who is it?"

She doesn't have to tell me. I can't breathe and all I can hear is the blood pounding in my ears. My heart is beating so loudly I think that Scully will have to shout in order for me to hear her. 

"Mulder? Did you hear what I said?"

"Sorry, Scully." My voice shakes. "I...I dropped the phone." I close my eyes and wait for her to say the words that I know will twist a knife in my gut.

"It's Alex Krycek. We finally got him, Mulder."

Suddenly I'm on automatic pilot, asking all the right questions. My mind is going a mile a minute as I try to figure out the best way to get him out of custody and back with me. It's as if I can see myself talking to Scully; it's surreal. I feel so lightheaded I'm afraid that if I move at all, I'll pass out.

"How did you find him?"

"Well, you won't believe it. Apparently he was hit by a car while crossing the street. The driver took off so we don't know if it was an accident or an attempt on his life. Either way, we've got him. He's in the hospital now. I thought you'd want to know as soon as I did."

My legs buckle but I catch myself on the desk before I fall to the floor. I collapse into the chair, the phone clutched to my chest. Despite my attempts to not panic, my heart is about to burst out of my body and I can't breathe. The pressure in my chest is unbearable and I'm suddenly aware of the ridiculous fact that I need to swallow but I can't. I'm gasping for air and my throat is closing. I hear something in the distance and at first I don't know what it is. It almost sounds like a voice, but it's so far away and tinny. All I know is it's not Alex.

"Mulder? Are you there?" There it is again.

I look at the phone in my hand and lift it too my ear. 

"Mulder? Hello?" It's Scully's voice. My mouth knows what to do so I answer her and ask where Alex is. She tells me and I watch in amazement as my hand writes down the information. After I hang up the phone, I concentrate on standing up. I tell myself that the sooner I get to the hospital the sooner I can see Alex. It seems to work because suddenly I'm grabbing my jacket and heading out the door.

Somehow I manage to get onto the road without killing myself. The drive gives me the time to gather my wits. He's still alive. He's not dead. I keep repeating the words like a mantra that will help make sense of all of this. I surprise myself when I slam my hand on the steering wheel and scream. I think it was Alex's name.

*****

When I get to the hospital, the first person I see is Scully.

"Mulder, are you okay?" I don't know if I look as panicked as I feel, but she looks at me with such concern, I figure I must. She shakes her head slightly. "That's a stupid question. We've found the man who's responsible for your father's death. Of course you're going to be emotional."

I nod. "Yeah, where is he?"

"Mulder, considering the way you feel about this man, I don't know if you should see him. I don't think it would be safe for either of you at this point."

"No, I need to see him." I don't realize I'm shouting until I notice the curious looks from the people around us.

Scully takes my elbow and walks with me. She lowers her voice. "Mulder, you're not going to be able to get anything out of him right now."

"What happened?" My voice catches in my throat and it's taking every ounce of my will power to not break down. Why won't she just let me see him?

"Well, like I said on the phone, it was a hit and run. Witnesses say the driver didn't even slow down. Both of his legs are broken and most of the bones in his face are fractured. Apparently his face hit the windshield so when they brought him in he was unrecognizable. When they checked for any identification, he had a wallet full of fake IDs. The nurse in charge told the police, who were here to investigate the hit and run. They ran the pictures and guess whose file popped up? It's like everything just fell into place."

Goddammit. How many times had I told him to get rid of all those fucking fake IDs? It's too late for that now. All that matters is that I can see him and that he's alive.

"Where is he?"

"Mulder, he's unconscious. They did a CT scan and there is some swelling in his brain. He can't tell you--"

"Goddammit! Where the hell is he?!" 

Her face is a mask of pure shock. I've never screamed at her before but I can't be bothered with her feelings right now. I need to be with Alex. I don't give a shit if she knows about us. I'll take out a full page ad in every major paper in the country declaring my love for him if she will just tell me where he is. Without a word, she takes my hand and walks me down the hallway. There's an armed guard outside his door.

"Mulder, I don't think you should be alone with him."

"Scully, please. I need to see him. I won't hurt him."

She nods at the guard and he moves aside. I'm grateful to her for not pushing the issue further. 

I open the door, leaving Scully outside. My stomach tightens into knots at the sight of my poor Alex, his face bandaged, tubes and wires coming out of him. The monitor he's hooked up to is sounding out its steady rhythm. He looks so helpless lying there. I bite my lip and walk to the bed, looking down on the sleeping form of my lover, wanting to kill the first person I see if it brings him back to me. I need to find who did this to him. I need to make someone pay for the pain he's in. I need.....I need him. 

I sit down next to the bed and gingerly take his hand. It's so cold. Why is it so cold? I bring it to my lips and kiss it, the tears I don't notice falling from my eyes, dripping onto his cool skin. He smells like the hospital and I realize I don't want this cold, sterile Alex. I want my Alex back. The one who calls me at work just to say he loves me, then hangs up before I can say a word back. I want the Alex who wrestles me for the remote and then puts on what I wanted to watch anyway. What have they done with him? 

"Alex?" My voice doesn't come out above a whisper. I have to make sure he hears me. "Alex?" I say it louder. I swear I feel him squeeze my hand, but it's just my imagination. He's not moving.

"Baby, I'm so sorry if I upset you before you left. I know you said that you were fine, but in case you weren't, I...I'm so sorry." I hold his hand between both of mine in an attempt to warm it. I press it to my cheek and imagine that he's going to wake up and caress my face. Then he'll laugh at me for being so worried about him.

I stare at the motionless form in front of me. It's hard for me to believe that this is the same man I was with this morning. The bandages on his face cover every inch of his face. I can't even see his beautiful eyelashes. There isn't a trace of him anywhere. His legs are encased in casts and I notice some dark bruises and cuts on his arms. I close my eyes.

"Please be okay. I don't know what I'll do without you. Who else will keep me in line, huh? If you don't come out of this, I can't..." My voice cracks and lay my head down on his arm, crying as I kiss him from his wrist to the crook of his elbow. I will it to be enough to bring him out of this.

"God, Alex, I promise I'm not going to let them hurt you. We're going to walk out of here together and they'll never take you away from me."

I hear someone at the door and I let go of his hand. Standing quickly, I wipe my eyes.

"Mulder, are...are you okay?" It's Scully and her voice is so full of genuine concern for me, I want nothing more than to tell her what has happened to me over the past few months. I want to tell her that I love Alex and that I want to take him home and take care of him.

I keep my back to her so she doesn't see my reddened eyes. "What do the doctors have to say?"

"They said that he isn't in any immediate danger. His brain needs time for the swelling to go down. That could take up to six months and even then there's no guarantee that he'll have full mental and physical capabilities when he wakes up. Of course, that's assuming he wakes up at all. I'm sorry Mulder, but I don't know if you're going to get the answers you want from him."

Her words are more than I can take and I fall back into the chair. I bury my face in my hands. This can't be happening. How could everything have been so normal this morning, and now I'm in my lover's hospital room? Why the fuck did this have to happen now? We'd finally gotten beyond the bullshit and actually had some semblance of a life together. I raise my head and look at the man that has meant so much to me for so long. It hasn't all been good or right, and at this point in time I regret every trace of hostility that there ever was between us. Had I the ability to go back in time at this moment, I would erase every ill word, every fight, every time I put my hands on him with the intention of hurting him. 

I hear Scully walk up behind me and feel her place her hands on my shoulders.

"Mulder, I know you're upset..."

She stops talking when I reach out my hand and take Alex's. I bring it to my lips and kiss it. 

"Mulder..." I feel her take her hands off me and I'm vaguely aware of the curiosity in her voice. I don't care anymore. Without Alex, my life is over. The last thing I'm going to worry about are my colleagues and my job when my lover's in some fucking hospital bed. God, all that wasted time. All the games. I hate Alex for not letting me love him longer than I've been allowed to. I hate myself even more for all the times I hurt him knowing how I felt about him. Things could have been so different if I'd told him sooner. 

"Mulder?" This time I turn my head to look at her. Her eyes are full of questions. I'm surprised to see compassion and understanding in them as well. Her pity is more than I can take and I turn away.

"Scully, help me. What can I do?"

"There's not much you can do. I'm sorry. What he needs most right now is time. The nature of his injury..." I wonder why she's paused. I look at her.

"Tell me what happened."

She looks down at her hands before she continues. "His face bore the brunt of the impact when he hit the windshield. The people who saw it said that his head shattered the glass."

I close my eyes and kiss his hand. "Scully, if..." I curse myself for using that word. It's like I'm giving up on him. "When he wakes up, will he be the same?"

She sighs and rubs my back. "Mulder, that's hard to say. If you mean physically, his legs should heal normally and with plastic surgery, the facial injuries will eventually be repaired."

"What exactly happened to his face?" I look at the bandages again and try to imagine his beautiful face under them, crushed beyond recognition. 

"Mulder, I told you that he has fractured..."

"What exactly? I want to know. Please."

"I don't know how.....Mulder, almost all the bones in his face were broken. His nose was crushed, the cheekbones, forehead and jaw were shattered. He....there are a lot of cuts and abrasions."

"Okay." I don't know what else to say to her. His face is gone. I don't care if he's scarred for life, just as long as he wakes up. 

"Well, I'll leave you two alone." 

After Scully closes the door, I turn my attention back to Alex. God, Alex, how much did you feel? How much pain were you in before you slipped into unconsciousness? Did you feel the car hitting you, feel the bones in your legs breaking? Were you terrified when you saw the windshield about to crush your face? Alex, did you call my name and wonder why I wasn't there to help you?

The door opens and a nurse comes in. "Sir, I need to change his bandages now."

"Can't I stay in here while you do that?"

"Perhaps you shouldn't." She smiles and I think about it. Maybe she's right. I get up and leave him, feeling guilty and incredibly apprehensive as I do.

Scully sees me walk out of Alex's room and takes my arm. 

"I thought you'd want to go to the chapel with me, Mulder. It'll be quiet."

We walk down the hallway to a small room marked "chapel." Scully enters and I follow her. This is the closest I've been to a church in years and I feel out of place. Despite the fact that I don't subscribe to any religion, I can't help thinking that a chapel isn't the place to discuss my murderous lover and his current condition. It's a matter of respect for the solemnity of our surroundings as well. If someone else walks in while Scully and I are talking, they should be allowed to use this room for its intended purpose without the distraction of our talking. 

"Scully, isn't there someplace else we could talk? An empty room or something?"

"Why?"

"I don't think the things we're going to talk about mix with the pews."

"Oh, okay. I'm sure we can find something."

I follow her out and watch as she goes to the nurses' station. One of the nurses points to a door down the hall and Scully smiles. She motions me over.

"They said we can talk in that conference room."

We enter and Scully closes the door. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, I look around the room, taking in the sterile, nondescript decor that is representative of possibly every hospital conference room in the country. Scully doesn't say anything and we both stand there knowing that we need to talk, but not knowing how to start.

I decide to break the awkward silence. "Scully, don't you want to know why?" 

She pauses before she answers. It's apparent she's trying to choose her words carefully. "I don't need to know why. You're the one who has to live with this relationship, not me. You don't need my approval or my understanding."

I look at her. "That's it?"

"Okay, yes, I have to admit that I wonder how you can love someone who has betrayed you. And I'm not just talking about your father. He made you trust him and then he destroyed that trust without any remorse."

"You don't know that, Scully. You don't know him. You don't know what he's been through."

"Fine, then let's talk about what he's done to me. Even if you can forgive what he's done to you, what about me, Mulder? You're not the only one this guy has hurt."

"Scully, you know he didn't kill your sister." I keep talking before she can respond. "I don't expect you to forget about his involvement with your abduction. I just want you to understand where I'm coming from."

"Why do I have to understand? Isn't it enough for me to accept it without necessarily understanding it?"

"But why would you accept it--"

"Mulder, I care about you. That's why I won't judge you. I think I'm allowed to wonder about your decisions, but that's not the same as judging you. Does that make sense?"

I nod my head.

"Besides, if Alex is the reason you've been looking so happy for the past few months, then I can't fault him for that. Obviously, he's had quite an impact on your life." She takes my hand in hers. "I'm so sorry that this happened."

"Thank you, Scully." Her words and support touch me and I feel such gratitude. The compassion she's displaying is a welcome and surprising alternative to how she could have reacted. 

She smiles at me, then looks down at our hands. "Mulder, about his being in custody..."

I pull my hand out of her grasp. "Scully, I can't let him be taken away."

"He's a wanted man, Mulder. Too many people know he's here. Skinner called to make sure that we're doing everything we can to ensure he stays in custody."

I scoff at her words. "I don't think he's going anywhere, Scully. You can tell Skinner not to worry."

"We also have to protect him from the people who most likely made this attempt on his life."

"What makes you think this was deliberate?"

"Well, I spoke to the police again while you were with him, and they said that the witnesses they talked to said it looked like more than a hit and run. Not only did the driver not attempt to avoid him or slow down, he or she actually directed the car at Alex when he tried to get out of the way."

Scully's words wash over me and I feel as if I've been sucker punched. Some son of a bitch ran Alex down like an animal and will probably try to finish the job once it's been discovered the attempt was unsuccessful. "Oh god. Scully, he's still in danger." 

"Now that I know about the two of you, I am going to do my best to make sure he stays safe."

"Until he goes to prison, right?"

"Mulder, you know that he has to answer to the authorities for his crimes."

"I know that. I've been working at the same agency you have, Scully. I can't just forget that."

"Then why did you get involved with him?" She raises her voice and I can't tell if its out of frustration or concern. "If you've been together for all this time, you've obviously been harboring a fugitive. Do you understand how much trouble you will be in if that ever gets out?"

The last thing I need is Scully telling me what I have at stake. It's not as if I haven't thought about it before now. As much as I appreciate her support, I wonder what the hell she's trying to say to me. Before I can censor myself, I lash out at her.

"Are you going to turn me in, Scully? Are you going to run to Skinner and tell him who I've been playing footsie with? Well, guess what? It's been going on for a lot longer than you think." I spit the words out at her and even the shocked expression on her face isn't enough to stop me. "Yeah, Scully. Alex Krycek has been fucking me for months. It's really easy to forget about his crimes when he's in my bed. Even you wouldn't want to turn him in."

"Mulder, don't---"

"Why not? You already think I'm a criminal. I should just come clean, right? You know how many times he would come to me after he'd just killed someone? Did I care? Hell, no. All I wanted was for him to give me what I needed. Imagine my surprise when I realized I was in love with him. I think I have been since he and I were partners." I stop and see the expression on her face as if for the first time. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I taking this out on my one ally in this whole thing? "Scully, I--I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm saying or why I'm telling you this." I sit down in one of the chairs and take a deep breath. "I can't let him go to prison. I love him"

"Mulder, you don't have a choice."

I shake my head. "There's always a choice, Scully."

"Does he love you?"

I don't expect her question. "What? Of course he does."

"How do you know?"

"He told me. He tells me all the time. He...he shows me." I see Scully blush slightly and can imagine what she's thinking. "Scully, he's so different when he's with me. I know how much he loves me and I think he needs me as much as I need him."

She sighs and sits down next to me. "Mulder, do you know what you're doing?"

"For the first time, I'm absolutely sure about what I'm doing." I take her hand. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you before. I was way out of line."

"It's forgotten, okay?"

I look at her in utter disbelief. How the hell can she be so understanding about this whole thing? I realize I shouldn't question it and just take it for what it is, but I'm touched by her behavior. I know that she'll help me through this.

I stand up and walk to the door. "My career is over, Scully." My back is to her. "The minute the Bureau finds out about this, I'm finished."

I hear her stand up and feel her hand as it rests on my back. "How are they going to find out? No one knows about the two of you. No one has seen or heard anything."

"Thank you." She rubs my back slowly and I appreciate the contact. "Do you think the nurse has finished changing his bandages?"

"Yes, but I think you need to go home."

I turn around to look at her. "Why? I just got here." 

"Look, if you're here too long, people will start to wonder why you have such an interest in him."

"The Bureau knows about my history with him."

"That's true, but you're not acting like a man who's finally going to see justice served."

"I can't just leave him."

"I'm not suggesting you do that. Just go home and put on some more appropriate clothes. You can come back and say that you want to make sure he has the proper protection in case another attempt is made on his life."

I reluctantly agree with her. I won't be gone all day, just long enough to change and come right back. 

"Okay. I'm going to go home and get dressed. Will you stay here and watch him until I get back?"

She nods.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. If anything changes, I want you to call me."

"Of course."

*****

I walk into my apartment and I almost expect him to come out of the kitchen, grinning at me and asking if his G-man caught any bad guys. How did I live alone for all these years? The three months we've been living together has completely changed my home. Alex has managed to make his presence known in every inch of my apartment. I see and feel him everywhere. 

I tell myself to focus. I need to change so I walk into the bedroom and go to the closet. As I open the door and see his few clothes hanging there, I remember that we have a date to go shopping for some new things. He's been resisting me but I've finally succeeded in wearing him down. I knew it was just a matter of time before I bent him to my will. When he gets home...For a second I'd forgotten about him being in the hospital. How the hell could I do that? 

I notice the T-shirt he was wearing yesterday is on the floor next to the closet. I reach down and pick it up. Clutching it to my face, I breathe in his scent. I want so desperately to touch his face and kiss his mouth, it makes me ache. I want to feel his hand trailing down my back and his lips kissing me between my shoulder blades as we make love. I take another breath and imagine the way his arms feel around me right before we fall asleep and how his warm, steady breathing tickles the back of my neck. 

Last night we had decided to plan a trip together. I don't know if he was just placating me, but he'd smiled at me as I described the places I wanted to go with him. He'd nodded when I'd asked him if he thought Graceland should be made a national treasure. Then I'd pinned him under me and kissed his laughing mouth after I saw the face he'd made when he thought I wasn't looking. At that moment I had been so content to go anywhere with him and live out the rest of our days in relative peace. As he held me before we fell asleep, he'd told me that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to go on with my life. I told him that if anything ever happened to him, I wouldn't have a life. He'd laughed softly and said I didn't have one now. Then he told me he loved me. His hot breath against my cheek was more comforting than anything I'd felt before.

I look at my watch and realize I've been sitting on the floor for an hour. I stand up and start to change into one of my suits. As I put on the jacket and slip my badge into the breast pocket, my fingers graze something. I pull out a slip of paper. Unfolding it, I immediately recognize Alex's handwriting. 

I just wanted you to think about me today.

Oh god, babe. There's no way I could ever do anything else.

*****

When I return to the hospital, I am surprised to see Skinner there with Scully. I'm glad that I heeded Scully's advice and changed. I feel like I can at least pretend to function in an official capacity if I'm armed with my badge and my gun. 

"Agent Mulder." Skinner acknowledges me curtly.

"Sir."

"You must be glad to see this man finally in custody where he belongs. We all have a lot of questions for him."

I nod my head slowly and glance at Scully. She smiles and it helps me.

"Agent Scully was just telling me that we may have to wait a while before we can learn anything from him. I'm going to make arrangements for him to be transferred to the prison infirmary."

My heart stops. "But Sir, he's still in a coma. I don't think he'd be safe if we move him." I fight to keep the desperation I'm feeling out of my voice.

"Agent Mulder, he will be well guarded."

"Sir, I don't think he should be moved right now." My mind is racing as I try to think of a way to stall him.

"Agent Mulder has a point, Sir," Scully says quickly. "It may be too risky to move him at this point in time. Perhaps a few more days will be sufficient to ensure his safe transfer." I could kiss her.

Skinner looks at her, then at me. "Fine. I'll make the arrangements for the prisoner to be moved in three days, barring any unforeseen complications."

Scully nods. "That would probably be best."

"Agent Mulder, I sincerely hope this isn't an attempt on your part to have access to the prisoner. I know you hate this man, but you'll only hurt yourself if anything happens to him."

My throat is dry. "Sir, I can assure you, I do not want to harm this man."

"Fine. I will see both of you tomorrow morning."

I wait until he is out of the hospital before I say anything to Scully.

"Why did you tell him that?"

"I don't know. I suppose I think you should have a few more days with him."

"Why?"

She looks up at me and I'm taken back by the tears I see in her eyes. "Mulder, do you know how much I care about you? I don't want to see you hurt. I want to do whatever I can to help you. If this is all I can do, then so be it."

I put my arms around her and hold her close to me. I'm touched by her loyalty and display of emotion. "Scully, your support means so much to me. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Mulder." She looks up at me. "To tell you the truth, I'm a little jealous of Alex."

My mouth drops open and I stare at her, shocked. "Why on earth are you jealous?"

She smiles. "Well, you and I have been partners for so much longer than you and he ever were. I've never even gotten a real kiss from you." I'm about to start stuttering like an idiot when she winks at me.

"God, Scully, you scared the shit out of me."

"Gee, thanks."

"No, I meant--"

"Mulder, you're too easy." She grins and for the first time since I got here, I feel a little better. She steps back. "Why don't you go see Alex. I'm gonna head home."

"I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Okay."

As soon as she leaves I go to Alex's room. I don't recognize the guard standing outside his room so I show him my badge. He nods and steps aside. I take a deep breath then open the door. 

Once again I'm struck by how helpless Alex looks lying alone in his hospital bed. It's all I can do to not climb into bed with him, take him into my arms and hold him against my chest until he wakes up. Instead I take off my jacket and drape it over one of the chairs in the room. I move another chair next to the bed and loosen my tie, ready to stay here until they kick me out. I already have a reputation for being crazy, so maybe this will just fill a pattern of seemingly bizarre behavior. I can hear it now. 'Did you hear about Mulder? He spent the night at the hospital with the guy who killed his father. Little obsessive don't you think?' It doesn't matter what they think. I've heard worse.

I take Alex's hand, running my thumb over the knuckles. I bring it to my face and rub it against my cheek. He's so close, I can feel it. He just needs a little help to come back. I shift so I can lean on the bed and put my head down next to his. My lips are inches from his ear. 

"Hey, baby. Guess who's our latest ally? Scully! I know, it shocked the hell out of me too. I'm not sure if she's okay with our relationship because you got hurt, or if she would have always been okay with it. What do you think?

"Oh, I should let you know that Skinner wants to move you in a few days. I'm trying to figure out a way to get you released, babe, but you're a very popular guy. You won't believe how many men and women are interested in you. Of course, they're not as interested as I am, but that goes without saying doesn't it? Why in the world did you have to be so good at breaking the law?" I lift my head and look at his bandaged face. I know I'm rambling but, knowing comatose patients can still hear what's going on around them, I want to talk to him and let him know that I'm with him. Maybe the sound of my voice will help him to find his way back to me. I kiss his hand, holding it to my lips for a few minutes before rubbing it against my cheek. If I try hard enough I can imagine he's touching me on his own. I sigh and put my head back down next to his.

"You know, I went home to change and I was thinking about the trip we want to plan. I know you were just humoring me, but what do you say, as soon as you're better, we go to Hawaii? Or how about Mexico or Jamaica? We don't have to go anywhere that touristy if you don't want to. I'll go anywhere you want. Hell, why don't we just run away to South America and be done with the whole damn thing? Do you think you could get used to the easy life? I sure could. 

"I got your note. Do you have any idea how often I think about you during the day? God, I think about you more than anything I've ever thought about, even sex. Of course, when I think of you, sex isn't that far behind. Not that I just love you for your body. You do know that don't you? Don't laugh at me, but as much as I love your body, I love your mind and your heart so much more. Even if we could never make love again, I wouldn't care. Something tells me that somewhere deep in that brain of yours, you're laughing your ass off right now. Go ahead, have a good chuckle at your boyfriend's expense. Sometimes I don't think you realize how brilliant and loving you are. I could talk to you for hours about anything and be content simply because you're with me. 

"I don't want to go home tonight. Even if I sleep on the couch, I can't imagine being alone. Do you see what you've done to me? You've taken over my whole life, Alex. I've never been happier." Just when I thought I had things under control, I feel my throat constricting as my emotions start to get the better of me.

"Alex," I whisper. "You'd better damn well come out of this. Maybe you can cut a deal and they'll let you go. You've got to wake up, sweetie. Come on."

The sound of someone opening the door startles me and I stand up quickly, straightening my tie. A nurse walks over to the bed. 

"Sir, visiting hours are over. You'll have to leave."

"But I'm a Federal Agent. I'm here to guard this man."

"Then I'm afraid you'll have to guard him outside. He needs his rest now." She checks his monitors and IV. When I don't move she fixes me with a look they must teach in nursing school. "Sir. I must insist that you leave."

I look at Alex, wanting to say good-bye to him but with Florence Nightingale's evil twin staring me down, it's not going to happen. If I could tell her what he means to me, I wonder if she'd let me stay. I immediately dismiss it as a ridiculous thought since I can't risk anyone besides Scully knowing. I look at Alex longingly, silently telling him how much I love him. With a silent prayer that he'll hear me somehow, I pick up my jacket and walk out. 

"Heading home?" 

I look at the man guarding Alex's room. "Actually, I think I'll stick around for a little while longer. I'm going to get some coffee. You want anything?"

He shakes his head. "I'm fine thanks. My relief should be here soon."

"Okay. You're doing a great job, by the way. Thank you." I mean it but can't decide if the guy thinks I'm being a smartass. He doesn't say anything so I figure he knows I'm sincere.

I put on my jacket and stop at the nurses' station to ask where I can get some coffee. They point me towards a room housing several vending machines. I put some money into the coffee machine and watch a paper cup drop down and rapidly fill with swamp colored swill. As the smell wafts upward, I think about how I'd give anything for some of the heavenly brew I had this morning. My god, was it just this morning? Looking at my watch, I'm shocked to see that it's only ten o'clock. How can it be possible that I haven't been here for days? I pick up the cup of what they have the nerve to call coffee and, against my better judgment, take a sip. There was a time when I would drink this stuff by the gallon but living with Alex has spoiled me for anything less than the best. The second my taste buds register the filth, I realize I'm forever ruined for institutional coffee. I throw it away and walk back to Alex's room.

When I pass the nurses' station, one of them waves to get my attention. I walk over to her slowly.

"Yes?"

"Who is he?" Her voice is low and conspiratorial.

"Who?"

"The man you're here to watch. Is he one of the FBI's Ten Most Wanted?"

I lean in close and whisper. "That's classified information. Tell no one that you asked and everything should be okay."

The expression on her face is priceless. Alex would love it. I must remember to tell him when I go in to see him again. I'm hoping to sneak back into his room tonight, but Florence isn't too far away and she looks like a ballbuster if I ever saw one. Resigning myself to sit with the worried masses in the waiting area, I take a seat in one of the Day-Glo orange chairs. A young woman to my left is crying softly and I wonder who she's here for. As if she feels me looking at her, she raises her head and catches my eyes before I can look away. She smiles slightly and wipes her eyes.

"I've been here for hours and they won't tell me anything."

"What happened?" It helps me to talk to someone else even if it's only for a few minutes.

"It's my dad. He had brain surgery and I haven't heard anything since they told me he came through okay. They won't let me in to see him because he's in ICU. When I ask to speak to a doctor, they just tell me that someone will talk to me and then I don't hear anything." She starts to cry again and I feel a pang of sympathy for her suffering.

"Come with me." I stand up and put my hand out to her. She takes it and we walk to the nurses' station.

"Excuse me," I say to the nurse who asked me about Alex earlier. I gesture to the woman beside me. "This young woman is waiting for information about her father and has not been told anything for the past few hours. Can you see to it that someone gets out here to update her ASAP?"

"Yes, of course." 

"And make sure she gets to see him." I know I'm out of line, but maybe using my position can help this kid even if it couldn't help me stay with Alex.

The nurse nods and looks at her. "What's his name, dear?"

She turns to me, her eyes wide. "Thank you." 

"If you have anymore problems, let me know." I go back to sit down and feel a little less helpless. If I can't do anything to help Alex right now, at least I can be of some use to somebody.

*****

I've read every damn magazine here. Since most of them are circa 1990, it's almost like a lesson on recent history. I look at my watch and see that it's one o'clock. I sneak a look at the nurses' station and, not seeing anyone who could stop me from going into Alex's room, casually walk to his door. I show the new guard my badge and, like his predecessor, he steps aside and allows me entrance. I'm grateful that he doesn't question why I'm going into Alex's room at this hour, but I'm also concerned that it's not an indication of his lack of vigilance in his duty. It's a good thing I'm still here. 

The only illumination in the room comes from a small light next to his bed. Alex lies eerily quiet and still, the lights and blips of the monitors the only indication that he is alive. A surreal thought flashes across my mind and I'm sure this is all a joke. I expect him to sit up, yank the bandages off his face, and tell me how gullible I am. As the beeps drone steadily and nothing happens, I realize this is all real and he's not waking up any time soon. I sit down in the chair that is still beside the bed, and take his hand, content to stay here watching over him, feeling his skin against mine. As I slowly entwine our fingers, I'm reminded of the times he would reach for my hand and do the same. He said he liked how it felt as if our hands were becoming one, then he'd look a little embarrassed and I'd kiss him to let him know that I thought he was wonderful. I lean forward and kiss the side of his face, barely feeling the rough surface of the bandages brush against my lips. With a sigh I lay my head down next to his and watch his chest rise and fall, taking whatever comfort I can in the steady rhythm.

I'm suddenly aware of a hand gently shaking my shoulder. I open my eyes, feeling disoriented and groggy. When it dawns on me where I am and what I've been doing, I sit up with a start.

"I--It's not what it looks like." I stammer and stand up, trying to straighten my hair and think of a way to explain.

The nurse, a middle-aged woman with a kind face and gentle smile, doesn't say anything. I watch as she checks on the IV and takes Alex's pulse. When she finishes tending to him, she looks at me.

"It looks like you care about him," she states matter-of-factly. "I only woke you up because my shift ends soon and I wasn't sure if you'd want someone else seeing you with him."

I look at the time. It's six o'clock which means she had to have come in to check on him while I was sleeping. "Thank you for letting me stay."

She tilts her head slightly and squints. "Well, I didn't think your being in here would disturb him, especially since you were fast asleep."

"I appreciate that. I would also appreciate your discretion."

"It's nobody's business what I saw." She starts to leave, then pauses. "Things aren't looking good for you two."

I'm stunned by her non sequitur. "What do you mean?"

"We just got the call that arrangements are being made to move him tonight."

That can't be right. Skinner said he'd wait. "Excuse me?"

"Aren't you supposed to know about these things?"

"I thought I was," I say, mostly to myself.

"It's a shame. I'm sorry." She smiles sympathetically then walks out.

I look down at Alex. "Baby, I'm going to talk to Skinner." I take his hand and kiss it quickly. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you."

I walk out of Alex's room so angry I can't see straight. I take out my cell phone and dial Skinner's home number. There's no answer. I curse and walk quickly out of the hospital to my car. 

*****

Since it's still early when I get to the Hoover, I'm not sure if Skinner will be there yet. No matter, I will wait for him. I go upstairs to his office and see his door is open. When I walk in, I see him sitting at his desk and I can smell cigarette smoke in the air.

"Agent Mulder. What are you doing here?" He's surprised to see me.

I stand in front of his desk. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Pardon me?"

"Why are you moving Krycek tonight?"

He frowns. "How do you know about that?"

"That doesn't matter. Why are you doing it?"

"I spoke to his doctors myself and they said there was no reason why he could not be moved. I have a matter to discuss with you as well, Agent Mulder. I received word that you spent the night at the hospital."

I feel my face start to burn. "Who told you that?"

"The man who was assigned to watch his door all night. He wanted to know why he had to be there if a Federal Agent was already assigned."

"Sir, I--"

"Mulder, I don't know what is going on, but I think it would be best if you stayed away from Krycek until this matter has been handled."

"Sir?"

"You are not to have any more contact with the prisoner until he is able to be questioned, is that clear?"

"What? You can't do that!"

"If I have reason to believe that you may harm him, I am well within my rights to take any action to ensure his safety."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. How can he think I'd hurt Alex? I know that's a ridiculous question considering the way I've treated him in the past, but, god, if only I could tell him what Alex means to me. I'm not an idiot. I know that if the true nature of our relationship comes out, I still won't be allowed to see him because they'll know I have a vested interest in getting him out of custody. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. "Sir, if I wanted to harm him, I had ample opportunity."

"I don't understand what you were doing with him, but this is evidence that you are becoming obsessed."

"Sir, are you trying to keep me away because you believe I may harm him? Or do you want me out of the way so the people who made this attempt on his life can have better access to him?" The words are out of my mouth before I can think about what I'm saying. I'm willing to risk his anger if it means a chance to see Alex. 

"Agent Mulder," his steady, even tone surprises me. "I am ordering you to stay away from the hospital because I believe you are a threat to the life of the man in custody. If you disobey you will be arrested and relieved of your duties. Now is that understood?"

"No, it is not understood!" I know I'm shouting and could draw some unwelcome attention if anyone is nearby, but don't care. "I won't let you do this."

"You don't have a choice. Hospital security has been notified."

I walk around his desk until I am standing inches from him. He can't seem to meet my eyes. "I won't let them get away with this. I will find a way to stop it."

"If you insist on being involved in this matter, you have two choices. You can be taken into custody now as a precautionary measure, or you can go home and consider yourself on suspension until further notice." 

I lean down and lower my voice. "Sir, what do they have on you? Why are you doing this?"

He turns his head and we are eye to eye. I try to read his expression, but all he reveals is the same stoic facade I've seen since he became my supervisor. "Go home, Agent Mulder." 

"Sir, I will. May I ask you one thing?"

"What is it?"

"Will you allow Agent Scully to accompany Krycek when he is being transferred?" It's a long shot, but I have to ask. If I can't be with him, I'd like for someone who at least knows about the two of us and who I trust to be there.

He seems to mull it over and then agrees. "Agent Scully can ride in the ambulance with him. I trust her to be objective should anything happen to him during or after the transfer."

"What are you talking about?" I cannot believe that he is being so careless. Is he trying to help me by telling me that something's going to happen during the transfer? Does he want Scully there to save Alex if an attempt is made? My head is spinning as I try to make sense of what is going on.

"You are dismissed, Agent Mulder." He turns his attention back to his work. Our conversation is officially over.

I leave his office and once I'm out of earshot, call my partner.

She answers after the first ring. 

"It's me. I need you to help me. Skinner wants to move Alex tonight."

"What? Why?"

"He talked to his doctors and found out he can be moved. Can you help me?"

"Of course. What do you want me to do?"

"If we can't stop this, I want you to be with him when they take him. Skinner said you could ride with Alex."

"Why? Where are you going to be?"

"Skinner told me I can't have any contact with Alex until he's ready to answer our questions. I'm suspended until further notice."

"Suspended? What's going on, Mulder?"

"He says it's because he thinks I'm a danger to Alex, but I believe it's so they can make another attempt on his life."

"Mulder, I don't think they'd be that obvious."

"Scully, I can't take any chances. Just make sure he's okay."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'll call you if I can think of anything to delay this."

I hang up and put my phone back in my pocket. My mind is racing. Assuming Scully manages to thwart any attempt on Alex's life, he's still going to be in prison. Even after he wakes up, there's no guarantee that he'll be able to make a deal and get released. Why the fuck can't I do anything to help him? 

I go down to my car and get in, feeling more helpless than I ever have. Letting out an angry cry, I punch the dashboard, not feeling the pain as I scrape the skin from my knuckles. This cannot be happening. My life is not ending. I lay my head on the steering wheel and breathe shakily, finally giving in to my frustration and letting the tears flow. God, Alex, I don't know what to do. I try to think of what he would do. He's so damn good at bucking the system, I know he'd find a way to save himself. I'm disgusted with my uselessness. Completely dejected, I start my car and head home.

*****

My apartment is the last place I want to be, but I'm glad that I can feel him surrounding me. I collapse on my couch and turn on the television, absently flipping through the channels in a vain attempt to temporarily distract myself from my situation. If I dwell on it, I will go crazy. 

After making the rounds of all the insipid morning talk shows, I angrily turn off the television and stand up. What the fuck am I doing? I need to be thinking of a way to help Alex! My stomach is in knots and I want to shoot someone. Though the impulse disturbs me, the thought of shedding blood is the only thing that satisfies and comforts me at this moment. I wonder if this is how Alex feels sometimes and if it's what makes it so easy for him to treat life as if it has no value. How ironic that I'm desperate to save the life of a man who is responsible for who knows how many deaths. Why do I deserve to have him alive when I've just sat by and allowed him to get away with so much? I may not have pulled the trigger, but perhaps this is my way of being punished for looking the other way when he did. Fuck. Now I sound like the universe is conspiring against me. Sometimes shit happens, Fox. The world doesn't revolve around you. Get the hell over it.

Properly chastised, I turn on my computer, hoping that a little web surfing will calm me down until I can think of something. I don't expect much, but anything is better than these feelings of helplessness and anxiety. I notice I have another email from Byers. He's sent me the rest of the information about Alex's financial status and I'm very impressed. My god, he could buy and sell people left and right. As I look at the string of numbers on my monitor, I'm struck by inspiration. There has got to be someone who can pull some strings and get him released and I could spend a chunk of that money trying to make that happen. With the right help and for the right price, anything's possible. I shoot off an email to the guys to see if they can recommend anyone who can help me out. I know that I'm running out of time.

*****

It's almost midnight when the phone rings. I answer it on the first ring. 

"Mulder, it's me."

I've been waiting for her to call and let me know what happened with Alex. My heart feels as if it's about to burst through my chest as I wait for her to tell me.

"Did he make it?"

"No." I know that she's careful about what she says to me because in all likelihood, my line is not secure. "He was pronounced dead en route." 

The words echo in my ear as their meaning begins to sink in. Afraid that my voice will betray what I'm feeling, I don't react to what she has told me. I swallow hard and will myself to not slam the phone down and head out of my apartment.

"I've already filed the autopsy report and Skinner wants us in his office tomorrow morning to get the details of what happened. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." I barely choke the word out and hang up, my thoughts a mad jumble as the enormity of what she's told me finally hits me full force. I race to the bedroom and fling open the closet doors. Every sign that he was ever in my life needs to be eradicated. Nothing can be left to ever show that we had a life here together. I find a box and go through my apartment gathering up his things, erasing every sign of him from my life. The life we created together is over and I don't want there to be any evidence left behind for people to misunderstand once I'm gone.

When I'm satisfied I've removed any evidence that he was ever here, I tape the box shut. All that's left for me now is to make a few final arrangements. I sit down at my desk and take out some paper and a pen. Before I begin to write my letters, I glance at my empty fish tank. I never did have much luck with the poor fish that were unfortunate enough to end up there. I'll tell Scully she should take it because I'm sure she'll be able to fill it and keep the occupants alive for longer than I ever could. It may seem trivial, but I know she'll think of me when she looks at it. As I start Scully's note, I realize that Frohike's finally going to get my tape collection. I hope he gets more pleasure from them than they gave me. Having Alex in my life was better than anything I'd seen or done before. I close my eyes as I think about him and what I'm prepared to do to be with him. I'm not afraid. 

=====end=====

 

* * *

 

February 1999  
DISCLAIMER: They're still CC's. However, I am a firm believer In wishing. When you wish upon a star...dammit, now I owe Disney...  
RATING: PG for language and really teeny M/K affection  
SUMMARY: Scully reflects on what happened.  
NOTES: Major thanks and big hugs to Lucy, who always makes me Think (dammit), Sue, who puts up with my insecurity, and Row, who is so encouraging. Also, thank you to everyone who, ticked or not, wrote me about the last part. See? I told you there'd be more :)  
FEEDBACK: I welcome any comments and they are all much appreciated. 

* * *

Lying V: Standing Still  
by Frankie  
=====================

Assistant Director Walter Skinner scowled as he looked across his desk at Agent Scully. He glanced at the empty chair next to her and, with a heavy sigh, glanced at the report in his hands.

"When you spoke to Agent Mulder did he tell you whether or not he was planning on being here this morning?" His voice was colored with a combination of sarcasm and frustration at the behavior of his errant agent.

"Yes, Sir. He said he would be here." Scully looked down and picked a piece of imaginary lint off her slacks. "I called him a little while ago at home and there was no answer. I also tried his cell phone but he wasn't picking up."

Skinner breathed out sharply and looked at his watch. "Perhaps he's on his way. Just tell me what happened last night."

"It's all detailed in the report, Sir."

"According to this, Alex Krycek went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance, you couldn't revive him, and when you did your autopsy some kind of toxin was discovered in his blood."

"Yes, Sir. Unfortunately, that's everything there is to tell."

"How did the toxin get into his system?"

"If I may speculate, I believe that someone must have gotten past the guard and injected the poison moments before he was to be transferred, ensuring he would die en route."

"How did they get past the guard?"

"I don't know. Whoever it was may have been able to sneak past the guard in all the confusion surrounding the move."

Skinner removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, tired and slightly perplexed by the whole turn of events.

"Sir, if I may." Scully sat up. "I don't know how much Alex Krycek would have been able to help us. Perhaps it's for the best that he's no longer a thorn in our sides."

Surprised by Scully's words, Skinner hesitated a moment before replacing his glasses. "I can't say that I disagree with you, but I was glad to finally have him in custody where he belongs." He closed the file and eased back in his chair. "I also have to admit that I'm a little concerned about Agent Mulder's absence. Considering his interest, I'm surprised that he's not here demanding answers."

"Frankly, so am I. If he doesn't show soon, I may go by his apartment to see if everything's okay."

Skinner narrowed his eyes and studied the face of the woman in front of him. Thinly veiled concern filled her eyes and he wondered if there was more to the situation than what was apparent. "Is there something you need to tell me, Agent Scully?"

She raised her eyebrows slightly. "No, Sir, though I must admit that I'm feeling a little apprehensive about the fact that he's not answering his cell phone."

"Okay, why don't you go now."

"Thank you, Sir." Scully stood up and quickly walked out of the office.

*****

I breathed a tremendous sigh of relief once I was out of Skinner's office. Mulder had told me he was going to be here this morning, but considering what happened, I couldn't say I was all that surprised that he didn't come in. Since I wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen now, I decided to go to his apartment and see if he was still there.

*****

Knocking on the door, I listened for any sign that he was inside and just not answering me. Once I was satisfied that he really wasn't home, I opened the door using the key he'd given me.

"Mulder?" I called out to the empty apartment anyway.

Nothing seemed to be missing and all his things were still in place. I walked into the living room and saw that he had cleaned the papers off his desk, leaving three envelopes. One was addressed to the Lone Gunmen, one was addressed to AD Skinner, and the last one was for me. As I opened the envelope and took out the handwritten letter, I thought about the events which had led me to this moment. Everything had happened so quickly, I still wasn't sure if I could comprehend what happened last night or if I would ever fully understand the implications of what I'd done. I read the letter Mulder had left for me and as the finality of his words sank in, I came to the realization that I'd seen him for the last time.

*****

To say I had been ecstatic that Alex Krycek was finally in custody, would be an understatement. Thanks to a fortuitous chain of events, the person who had caused so much pain to me and my family was going to be brought to justice. When I called Mulder to tell him that Krycek was in the hospital, I did so with the excitement and zeal of someone who is calling a good friend to share fantastic news. As far as I was concerned, this *was* fantastic news and I had no reason to believe it would be received by Mulder as anything else. I took his silence upon hearing of the accident to be a reasonable reaction to the information I had given him.

After I'd hung up the phone, my thoughts had turned to Mulder's devastating loss at the hands of this man and I hoped that the news of Krycek's capture would help him achieve some sort of closure about his father's death. It was for this reason that it didn't seem all that strange when he'd shown up at the hospital so desperate to see Alex. The panic I'd heard in his voice had seemed slightly out of place, but I'd dismissed it as merely a sign of what Krycek's being in custody meant to both of us. I took his state to be an indication of how much he wanted to face the man responsible for killing his father and aiding in my abduction. In fact, I had been so concerned about what his reaction would be when he saw Krycek, that I wanted to be there when he did finally come face to face with him. At Mulder's frantic insistence I took him to Alex's room and saw him inside. It didn't occur to me to question the anxious haste with which he entered.

Mulder never knew that I watched him while he was in Alex's room. Afraid that he would go into a blind rage, I kept the door open enough for me to see if he made any move to hurt the injured man, ready to stop him if he did. Instead of the anger I'd expected, I saw him walk over to the bed and sit down next to it, taking Krycek's hand in his own. There was a moment when my brain wouldn't register what I was seeing and I stood frozen as he gently stroked and caressed the other man's hand with his own. I even heard him murmur something, but couldn't quite make it out. It wasn't until I saw my partner kiss the hand of this criminal that I was shocked enough to retreat and close the door. I was so stunned, all I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears and at first I couldn't tell if I was sad or angry or both.

A million questions were running around my head as I tried to force my mind to make sense of what I'd seen. There was no way it could mean what I thought it did. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me or I had imagined it. Or maybe Mulder had found it in his heart to forgive Krycek for his crimes and this was his way of dealing with it ... Dammit, I knew I was reaching. I had to face the fact that now was not the time for me to stop believing what I'd seen with my own eyes. The display I'd witnessed had nothing to do with some newfound sense of forgiveness or coping or any other bullshit I was trying to talk myself into. I had always prided myself on my rationality and there were many times it had been a bone of contention between me and Mulder. Now that I was attempting to ignore it because I didn't want to acknowledge the obvious, I wondered if Mulder would appreciate the irony. As difficult as it was to admit, I knew what Mulder's actions in Krycek's room meant.

I had never given much thought to Mulder's sexuality. I'd heard the rumors floating around about the two of us, so when I also heard rumors about him being interested in men, I dismissed them as simply more gossip. It was such a non-issue for me that when I saw the intimacy with which he touched the other man, I wasn't shocked by it. What knocked the wind out of me was the fact that he was showing such affection toward someone who had hurt so many people and was supposed to be his sworn enemy. Goddammit, Mulder, how could you?

With tremendous effort, I restrained my instinct to storm into the room and ask Mulder if he was out of his damn mind. Before I did anything that drastic, I attempted to distract myself by seeking out one of the police officers investigating the accident. If I could find out more details about what had happened, I would have something substantial to talk to Mulder about. The police officer confirmed that it had been an attempt on Alex's life and I knew I should do the right thing and let Mulder know. Ignoring the part of my brain that was screaming 'How can he care about Alex Krycek for fuck's sake?', I walked into the room. I made sure to make enough noise to alert him to the fact that I was coming in so I wouldn't have to see more than necessary. Maybe if I acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary, I could feign ignorance until it was safe for me to go home and digest this new information.

Mulder was standing with his back to me when I entered the room and when he asked me about Alex's condition, I could tell by the ragged and spent sound of his voice that he'd been crying. I proceeded to tell him what I knew but didn't sugar coat anything, not wanting to alert him to the fact that I knew about the nature of his relationship with the man that by all rights he should want to see dead. His reaction to my words could not have been predicted. When I saw him reach out for Alex's hand and kiss it with such love and tenderness, I was shocked and felt my heart breaking at the fact that he could have allowed himself to be taken in by this man. As I continued to watch him, however, I was struck by the revelation that, as much as I didn't want to face it, he really did love him. With the acceptance of this fact, my feelings of hurt and betrayal passed, leaving behind the knowledge that whether or not I could come to terms with what Mulder was doing was not the point. What mattered was that my partner was in pain because someone he cared about was seriously injured and I should be there for him. I hushed the confused thoughts running through my mind and allowed my love for him to win out for the time being.

Later, when we discussed it privately, I was no longer able to stifle the questions and hurt that were bubbling beneath the surface and I pointed out every reason I could think of for why the two of them should not be together. I don't know why I did that. It's not as if anything I said would suddenly make Mulder think he'd made a mistake and shouldn't be with Krycek. The best thing for me to do was to support Mulder and let him know that whatever he needed me for, I would be there. When I examined my feelings and motives for saying that to him, I was not surprised to find that I meant it. I love Mulder in a way that goes beyond the affection of a woman for a man or one partner for another. It's so much more rooted in feelings of respect, shared pain, and a need to protect him from whatever would hurt him. I knew he felt the same way about me. That's why it didn't surprise me that there was no question I'd go to the mat for him when he asked me to help him with Alex. For once I listened to my heart when it gave me the permission my head never would.

*****

I was getting ready for work when I received the call from Mulder telling me that Alex was going to be moved sooner than he'd thought and the sound of his voice made my heart break. He sounded like a man who was watching his world spin out of control and no one was willing or able to help him. All I knew at that point was that Alex was being moved and I was to accompany him in the ambulance. Mulder made some cryptic comment about trying to find a way to delay it and hung up.

When I went into work as usual, Skinner called me into his office.

"I'm sure Agent Mulder has already informed you of my decision to move Alex Krycek tonight."

I nodded, waiting to see what else he would tell me before I revealed any details of my conversation with Mulder.

"He has asked that you be allowed to escort the prisoner and I agreed."

"Sir, may I ask why you made that concession?"

His lips twisted into a wry expression somewhere between a smirk and a tired smile. "I trust you to be a little more emotionally detached than Agent Mulder. If anything should happen to him, I know that your account will be both objective and truthful."

"Are you saying that you do not trust Agent Mulder to be honest with regard to his contact with Krycek? I don't think that's a fair statement to make, sir."

He sighed the same way I'd heard a hundred times before whenever Mulder and I sat in front of him and presented him with an unsolved or unbelievable report. His eyes had never looked quite this tired, though, and I wondered if it was an indication that his concern went beyond the professional.

"It's not a case of honesty, Agent Scully. I do not want to allow Agent Mulder to be in a position to behave in a reckless manner that may be a threat to his career and quite possibly his life."

"With all due respect, don't you think Agent Mulder is capable of making his own decisions? Does he really need you to protect him?"

I could not read the look on his stern face, but his lack of response was enough to stop me from pushing it any further. "Sir, if there isn't anything else..."

"No, there isn't. Thank you for your time."

I walked out of his office and went downstairs to work on some reports that I still had to finish. It was extremely difficult to concentrate as I imagined what Mulder was going through as he tried to find a way to stop the inevitable. His phone call was a welcome distraction from the work I wasn't getting done and as I greeted him, a comforting feeling of familiarity washed over me. It was soon replaced by a wave of apprehension when he said we should meet because he had something urgent to tell me.

*****

He led me to a booth at the back of the dingy, unfamiliar diner. As we sat down, the first thing he said was that I didn't have to help him. Even as the words fell from his mouth, I watched a cruel mixture of desperation and hope flicker across his face, finally settling in his eyes. I knew he meant what he said, but I also knew that I couldn't allow him to go through this alone. I shook my head at him.

"Mulder, I'm not going to abandon you now. What do you need?"

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a page from a legal pad which had his mad scribblings all over it and put it on the table. Indicating the yellow paper in front of him, he smiled. "This is the plan."

I leaned forward, my eyes narrow as I studied his face, looking for any indication that he was joking. "Did you say plan?"

He nodded his head and turned the paper around so I could read it for myself. Not able to make any sense of the names and numbers, I asked him what exactly this was a plan for.

"To free Alex."

Those three words were enough to make me catch my breath. Mulder was ready to break the law for this man and he was asking me to help him do it. Before I could allow my better judgment to kick in and recite chapter and verse about why this would never work and shouldn't be attempted, I sat back and took a good look at the man sitting across from me. I knew that if the roles were reversed he'd help me without giving it second thought. I also knew he'd never ask me to be a part of something that would put me in any jeopardy.

"What do I have to do?"

His face lit up when he realized I would help him. "Everything's been arranged, but since I can't be anywhere near the hospital, I need to you to make sure a few things happen."

"Okay."

"I'm sure that there is going to be an armed guard who will have orders to ride in the ambulance despite the fact that you're there. I need you to make sure that he or she sits up front and that you're in the back with one of the paramedics. About ten minutes into the transfer, the two of you are going to pretend that Alex is having some kind of attack. You'll need to declare him dead and order the ambulance turned around and taken back to the hospital so you can perform an autopsy. The paramedic will have a false autopsy report for you to file."

I frowned. "Mulder, what if they don't allow me to perform the autopsy myself?"

"You'll inform them that this is a federal matter and since his death is suspicious, you don't want anyone else involved until it can be cleared up."

"So you're telling me to flash my badge in their faces and tell them to get the hell out of the way."

He nodded, a sly grin spreading across his face. "That's basically what I'm telling you, yes."

"What if it doesn't work?"

"It's risky, but it has to work. You can't let anyone else close to him. I trust you."

I swallowed hard and felt my heart racing as I thought about what would happen if this were discovered. I couldn't allow myself the luxury of worry now, however. Mulder was already counting on me to help him pull this off and I'd be damned if I'd let my own fear get in the way.

"Okay, so I'll have him back at the hospital. What then?"

"This is when it starts to get complicated."

I raised an eyebrow, slightly incredulous at his understatement. "Starts?"

"Just bear with me." He looked at his sheet of paper and trailed his finger down the page until he got to what he was looking for. "There will be another body there that will be tagged as Alex's and will be buried under his name."

"Mulder, where is the other body going to come from? And what about the funeral home?"

He hesitated then told me that the funeral home would not be a problem and that the body, procured from the medical school, would be wrapped to go. I rolled my eyes and told him to continue, ignoring all the nagging doubts that insisted on letting their voices be heard.

"An orderly named Jacob is going to be there to take Alex out a side door to a fully equipped van that will take him to a safe place until I can get to him."

"Mulder, how can you be sure that no one's going to say anything?"

"Let's just say it's costing a lot to do this."

I looked down at the scratched surface of the table, ready to tell him I couldn't do it. No matter how much I tried to tell myself that I wanted to help him, I just could not take this kind of risk.

"Mulder, I--"

"You don't have to say anything, Scully," he reached across the table and took my hand. "You don't know how much this means to me." He smiled. "I don't know, maybe you do. I've waited so long for him to be with me, for us to really be together, and now this just seems like some horrible practical joke the fates have decided to play on us."

I listened to what he said, deliberately avoiding his eyes, not wanting to see the hope that I'd put there by agreeing to be a part of this.

"I never thought the day would come when I'd need someone in my life so much, I'd die if anything happened to him. I feel ridiculous saying that to you."

I looked at him. "Why?"

"Look who I'm saying it about, Scully. I know you still have your doubts and you're only doing this for me, but I wish there were some way to persuade you to do it for him too." He paused and I could feel his effort to keep the tears out of his voice. "I've asked so much of you already, I can't ask you to do that too."

"Mulder, what's going to happen if this doesn't work?"

"I can't think about that."

I blew out a slow breath and closed my eyes. There was no way I could tell him that I'd changed my mind. He had so much more riding on this than I did. I only wished that I would one day have that kind of love in my life. "It'll work."

"Can you call me tonight and let me know how things went?"

"Of course. You aren't going to be in the van with Alex?"

"I don't want to risk being seen here. And I think if my phone lines are being tapped, having you call me to tell me what happened one way or the other will help if anyone finds out anything somehow."

"How did you know who you could get involved with this?"

"Would you believe our good friends the Lone Gunmen have some very interesting contacts?"

"You told them about you and Alex? What did they say?"

"Well, I needed to make sure they could understand how important it was to me to get help and come up with a way to get him free. Frohike was especially pleased that there was no competition from me for your affection."

"Oh, god." I smiled as I thought about the funny little man who, along with his cohorts, was always willing to help Mulder. "They took it better than I did, I assume." I felt ashamed that I hadn't been more receptive when I found out about Mulder and Krycek, but I couldn't do anything to change that now.

"Well, I think Byers might have wondered if I'd lost my mind, but he didn't hesitate to jump in and help."

"I'm glad."

"Scully, thank you for doing this. I owe you so much and I'll never be able to repay you."

"Just be careful once the two of you are together. Will you let me know what you're going to do?"

"I think that maybe the less you know after tonight, the better."

I was a little disappointed that he wasn't going to tell me what would happen but I could see his point.

"I should be going then. I'll call you tonight to let you know what happens."

"Thank you, Scully."

As we both stood up to leave, he held my arm and pulled me into a warm, tight hug. I could feel his heart beating frantically in his chest and held on to him until he let me go. Smiling, I walked away and left him behind. It was the last time I saw him.

*****

His letter to me was short and sweet but didn't reveal anything about his and Alex's whereabouts. I tore it up and put it in my pocket so I could get rid of it later. As I looked around his deserted apartment, it didn't feel like he was never coming back. All his things were still here, waiting for him to walk in the front door at any moment. That wasn't going to happen.

I picked up the other two letters so I could deliver them personally. As I opened the front door to leave, I took one last look around and said a silent prayer that they would be okay wherever they were.

"Bye, Mulder," I whispered then closed the door behind me.

========END========

AUTHOR'S NOTE: To everyone I either told about this part or who was bummed out by part four...thanks for hanging in there with me :)

 

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February 1999  
Disclaimer: CC...blah...1013...blah...FOX...blah.  
RATING: NC-17 for M/K interaction  
SUMMARY: Where the boys are...  
NOTES: Muchas gracias to Lucy for the beta and the suggestion ;). Sue, I told you that you wouldn't stay mad at me. Of course, next time I'll tell you everything from the beginning :)  
FEEDBACK: Good, bad, or indifferent, it will be given a good home. 

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Lying VI: The End  
by Frankie  
=================

I climb out of the pool and am handed a fluffy white towel.

"Good morning, Senor."

"Good morning, Carlotta." I smile at the motherly face as I dry myself off. "How are you doing?"

"Very well, thank you."

"Is he up?"

"Si. Just a few moments ago he asked where you were."

I wrap the towel around my waist. "Thanks."

"Would you like me to bring breakfast upstairs for you?"

"Actually, I think we'll have it out on the patio today. Give us about twenty minutes?"

She nods and disappears into the house to work the magic she always does every time she cooks for us.

I almost sprint upstairs to our room. Since we left DC, over a year ago, I've treasured every day we've had together knowing how close we came to losing everything. Each time I think back on that last day, I can't believe how easy it was to leave my life behind and take the risks I did. All I need to do is look at him to know that it's the best thing I could have done. Hell, it's the *only* thing I could have done if I wanted to have any kind of life worth living. I also know that none of it would have happened without Scully's help and the risks she took for me. Every day that I wake up next to him, I'm reminded of how grateful I am to her.

When I open the door to the suite, I hear the shower running. Dammit. I quickly enter the bathroom and slide the shower door open. "What the hell are you doing?" I sound a little angrier than I mean to, but I don't want anything to happen to him.

"Well, good morning to you to." He grins at me and I can't maintain the stern look on my face.

"You know you're not supposed to take a shower alone." I remove the towel from my waist and, still in my trunks, step under the spray with him.

"Fox, the doctors said if I took it easy, I could do things for myself. You're just babying me now." His words are slow and careful. I don't think anyone but me would notice that he doesn't sound the same as before the accident.

"But you're still weak."

He points to the door of the shower. "You're pissing me off. Get out. I want you ready with a towel when I'm finished, but I'm going to do this myself." He smiles to take the edge off his words.

"Fine, but if you feel--"

"Out."

Reluctantly, I step out and wait for him to finish. His physical rehabilitation has been going extremely well. The doctors say they've never seen self-determination like his before. I tell them that's only because they've never had a patient quite like him before. Personally, I never expected anything less.

He turns off the water and opens the door. I grab a towel and hold it out for him. "Here you go, Sunshine."

"Hey, you call me that again and I'll..." he reaches for the towel and sways a little. I quickly step forward and put my arms around him.

"It's okay." I help him step out of the shower and start to dry him, the frustration he's feeling evident when I look at his face.

"Dammit, Fox, I can dry myself."

"Yeah, but you have to admit it's more fun if I do it." My hand lingers on his ass, underscoring my statement.

I'm rewarded with a smile. "Do you have to be right about everything?"

I crouch down and gently dry his legs. "I don't *have* to be. I just am."

He laughs and my heart jumps at the sound. As I move my hands up to dry his thighs, he puts a hand on my shoulder. I notice his steadily growing erection and resist the urge to take him into my mouth.

"Fox," he whispers and I look up at him. He knows that I don't want to do anything to hurt him. "I'm fine. I'd like you to..."

I stand up and stroke the side of his face. I'm amazed at the work that's been done. Not that it would have mattered. Even if he ended up looking like the elephant man, I would have been ecstatic just to have him with me.

"Baby, you know what the doctors said."

"Shit, Fox. You'd think that with the amount of money we're paying them, they'd stay out of our bedroom."

"Alex, first of all, it's your money and secondly, our bedroom is fine. We can do this on the bed. You just can't be on your feet."

"It's *our* money, you asshole, and maybe I'd like for you to be able to give me a blow job while I'm standing. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but we can't be spontaneous anymore. I feel like I'm letting you down."

"No, baby, you could never let me down. I understand what you're saying, but please don't push it. They didn't say it was a permanent thing. You just need more time."

"It's been six months. How much more time do I need before I can get you on your knees in front of me where you belong?" He tries to hide his smile, but fails.

"Oh, I see how it is. So it's not enough for my head to be between your legs when you're lying down, huh? You've just gotta have me on my knees."

"Damn right." He reaches a hand down between our bodies and slides it into my swimming trunks. He laughs as my cock jumps into his grip. "Hmm, feels like you agree with me." As he starts his slow stroking, he whispers in my ear. "Come on, Fox. Do it. I won't break."

I almost whimper at his touch and remember that there was a time I never thought I'd feel his hands on me again. "Why can't I say no to you?" My hips start to move in time with his movements.

"Because you don't want to." I feel him tighten his grip slightly as he increases the speed of his hand.

"I'd do anything for you." My voice is shaky as his fist continues to pump my leaking cock. He runs his thumb over the head and I hiss into his ear. His throaty chuckle is almost enough to send me over the edge.

"I know you would. That's why I love you."

"God, Alex..." The combined sensations of his touch, his smell, and the sound of his voice murmuring in my ear are too much. My body shudders and I let out a cry as I come all over his hand and my swim trunks. He makes me feel like a goddamn teenager.

He grins wickedly and yanks the towel out of my hand, wiping his fingers on it before throwing it on the floor.

"Good boy." The hoarseness of his voice scrapes against my ear and sends another shot to my groin. I know I'll always do whatever he wants me to. "Now get on your knees."

"Alex, if you get hurt..."

He suddenly grips my hair with surprising strength and I'm excited at the glimpse of the old Alex.

"I'll risk it. Do *you* want to get hurt?"

I know it's an empty threat because he wouldn't harm me even if he could. Even so, I shake my head and drop to my knees. I slide my arms around him so I'm supporting him in case his legs do give out. I rub my cheek against his erection and kiss the dark tangle of curls at the base. My hands slowly caress his backside and lower back, feeling goosebumps form on his skin at my touch. I leisurely run my tongue from the base of his cock to the tip, then wrap my lips around the head. I start to suck him into my mouth, tasting the sharp essence that fills my senses. He breathes in quickly and I stop.

"No, it's good," he says, sensing my hesitation. "You feel so good."

His hand is in my hair and it encourages me to keep going. I take all of him into my mouth and suck gently as my tongue slithers all over the hot flesh. As he tightens his grip, I start to move my head up and down the shaft. He groans and I feel his legs tremble as he leans forward to put his hands on my shoulders. I'm about to stop and ask if he's okay when I hear him say my name.

"Fox...I missed this...don't stop."

I tighten my arms around him and start sucking harder, determined to give him what he wants. When I feel him tense, I realize I'm practically holding him up.

"Ah..god..." His come shoots into my mouth and down my throat but all I can think about is how he's doing. As his softening cock slips out of my mouth, I keep holding onto him and look up.

"Are you all right?"

He nods, breathing heavily. I knew we shouldn't have done this. Standing up quickly, I wrap my arms around him and hold him against me.

"Alex, do you need to lie down?"

"I'm fine." He starts to pull away from me to prove his point. I let him. "See?"

"Yeah, I see." I put my hand on the side of his face. "I love you so much."

"Why? I'm a fucking wimp."

"No, you're not."

"Then what am I?" He flashes me a look that defies me to contradict him.

"You are a sexy motherfucker, Alex." I kiss his surprised mouth, my tongue reaching into the warm depths and immediately being greeted by his own. We break apart with a loud, wet, smacking sound and we both start laughing. I'm glad to see the doubt gone from his face.

"Fox, please don't call me that again."

"But you are sexy." I kiss the side of his mouth, then his cheek, moving slowly toward his ear.

"Yeah, I know, but I never fucked my mother."

I hadn't expected him to say that and I snort into his ear. I feel his shoulders shaking as he laughs. "Oh, that's attractive."

I look at him. "I only snort for the ones I love." Another quick kiss and I go to get his robe. I help him into it, all the while listening to him tell me he can do it himself, dammit. He slaps my hands as I start to tie the belt around his waist.

"If you don't stop it, I'm going to cut it off."

"What, my hand?"

He raises an eyebrow and I put up my hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Okay, you win. You ready for some breakfast?"

"Sure. Fox?"

"Yeah?"

"When are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I don't know. Maybe over breakfast."

"Why did you do it?"

"Because I love you, you idiot."

He reaches up a hand and caresses the side of my face. "Why?"

I place my hand over his and answer the question he's asked me a hundred times before. "Because you let me."

He doesn't say anything but his eyes start to glisten. I put my arms around him and we stay like that for a few minutes. He feels so warm and alive in my arms and I can feel his heart beating against my chest. I drink in every sensation, marking this moment in time forever.

"Fox," he says, finally.

"Mmm hmm?"

"Don't call me an idiot. I can still kick your ass."

I pull back and grin at him knowing I've never been happier in my life. I risked everything for this man, and now that we're together, I know he is all I have ever needed.

Leaning forward again, I whisper into his ear. "I'm counting on it."

=====end=====

Thank you to everyone who was so encouraging about this series and who took the time to send me feedback. Your thoughts are very much appreciated. This is the last installment of this incarnation of "Lying" and I'd like to say thanks for going along for the ride. :)

Peace,  
Frankie

 

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